Hubby loosing interest?

[CherryBlossom79 11]

Anyone here who had this problem, did you get through it or did you end up seperating. I never thought hubby was sexually aroused by the fatness, since I am the onyl fat woman he has ever been with. All his ex girlfriends were skinny, like really skinny even. I've had a few weird moments with him during sex but nothing obvious. But now that I am less then 10lbs from goal he is getting less and less interested it seems. If you got through it, did you get counseling or something. How did you work through it?

[Sosewsue61 3,185]

Have you asked him?

We change when we lose weight - less a dormat, more energy, etc. He could be insecure himself or it could be completely nonrelated. Any other changes in the family - work, etc?

I suggest going for coffee somewhere as a date and talking about it (not at home, esp. not in the bedroom). Be honest, say 'I am pretty happy losing the weight, I love being more active. BUT I know all my loose skin bothers me - does it bother you? My vajay-jay is a little different too. Am I a little less sexy to you now? Can we fix this somehow by working on it together? Do we need some crazy hotel sex, change of pace?'

My hubs has been 100% on board with any changes, we are old farts but only been married 21 years (2nd for both), but we still tear the sheets up!

[Creekimp13 5,840]

I need to whack my husband with a 2x4 to get him to leave me alone. He's all about the thinner me.

But yeah, I know these issues do come up for people.

Something you might not be considering...is that it might not be physical. As we lose weight and hit our goals, it can make us feel more confident, more outspoke, more assertive and in control of our lives...more interested in pursuing ideas and dreams our partners weren't completely aware of. You're changing, and not just physically. That might scare the hell out of him.

Go to therapy. There's a reason they call it divorce surgery.

[TakingABreak 2,733]

I’ve been struggling with the same issues. Only thing that’s working for me is honest and open communication. I’d assume it has less to do with your appearance and maybe something to do with his confidence.

[Jingle123423 165]

4 hours ago, Sosewsue61 said:

Have you asked him?

We change when we lose weight - less a dormat, more energy, etc. He could be insecure himself or it could be completely nonrelated. Any other changes in the family - work, etc?

I suggest going for coffee somewhere as a date and talking about it (not at home, esp. not in the bedroom). Be honest, say 'I am pretty happy losing the weight, I love being more active. BUT I know all my loose skin bothers me - does it bother you? My vajay-jay is a little different too. Am I a little less sexy to you now? Can we fix this somehow by working on it together? Do we need some crazy hotel sex, change of pace?'

My hubs has been 100% on board with any changes, we are old farts but only been married 21 years (2nd for both), but we still tear the sheets up!

Get it girrrrl!

[TakingABreak 2,733]

4 hours ago, Sosewsue61 said:

BUT I know all my loose skin bothers me - does it bother you?

the question i haven't mustered the courage to ask my husband. I don't know if i want the truth.....

[GreenTealael 25,163]

Maybe they just want a little more attention, things to be about them for a change. Maybe not.
I have been very careful to remember that I'm not the center of the universe just because I'm : sick, pre op ,post op, x,y z ... You name it. It can be tiring Carrying the torch, armour, bags, luggage etc without recognition help or at least a break and during these journeys we can get self indulgent to the max sometimes for the first times in our lives but other people still exist too.

VSG2017 HW 249 SW 238 CW 169

[CherryBlossom79 11]

15 hours ago, Sosewsue61 said:

Have you asked him?

We change when we lose weight - less a dormat, more energy, etc. He could be insecure himself or it could be completely nonrelated. Any other changes in the family - work, etc?

I suggest going for coffee somewhere as a date and talking about it (not at home, esp. not in the bedroom). Be honest, say 'I am pretty happy losing the weight, I love being more active. BUT I know all my loose skin bothers me - does it bother you? My vajay-jay is a little different too. Am I a little less sexy to you now? Can we fix this somehow by working on it together? Do we need some crazy hotel sex, change of pace?'

My hubs has been 100% on board with any changes, we are old farts but only been married 21 years (2nd for both), but we still tear the sheets up!

Yes I am very open person and I ask and ask and ask, but he just refuses to answer. No other changes at all. All he says when I ask is most important thing is I feel better. But I asked again last night and I got some sort of an answer and he did admit that he does not like me to be skinny. so my hunch was right, need to talk more about though. I want to go to therapy (not just because of this) but he refuses, but agreed to go after newyears if things haven't gotten better by that time.

[Creekimp13 5,840]

6 minutes ago, CherryBlossom79 said:

but agreed to go after newyears if things haven't gotten better by that time.

That seems reasonable. Lot of changes going on....having a little time to get his head around them seems fair. In the mean time, try to reconnect with what brought you close in the past. Maybe a weekend trip to an old haunt, time for just the two of you, take the focus off the awkward, and put it on something that is easy for both of you. Maybe indulge one of his interests and see if he loosens up. If I take my husband to anyplace with airplanes or NASA crap...he's like a kid and it scratches that particular "she cares about me" itch. We used to go out on a boat fishing and take a picnic and read to each other. Reconnect to less stressful days....might help.

And if thing are still in the crapper in 2019...hold him to his word and go talk to someone.

Best wishes!

[AEdoesRnY 531]

I'm only a week out from surgery so I can't share experience about that part of things, but I will say that couple's counseling can be an amazing tool. My husband and I have been going for 1.5 years (mix of individual sessions and sessions together) and we really have learned and grown so much! Things are SO wonderful now compared to where we were!