Fighting the Negativity

[jmccarty 9]

So, I've been very selective with whom I have told about my upcoming surgery. Just close friends and family. Most of them gave their encouragements and support. However, one work friend I told (who I thought would be sympathetic seeing as how she is very large and understands what it's like) was very much against me having surgery. Actually against VSG or other WLS in general. Something about her sister having gained all her weight back from bypass (or something to that affect). She keeps telling me I just need to get some willpower and work hard. Sends me diets and workout routines on FB. Doesn't she realize that if all it took was willpower and hard work that I would already be fit and thin; those things just haven't worked for me.

How have you dealt with bad reactions/negativity you received when people found out about your choice to have VSG?

[Lisa K. 62]

I've got one person in my office that has had similar responses. She is also large and is on the Keto diet now. I'm happy for her that she likes doing the keto plan, but she's in her 60s and she has yoyo dieted for years. If it was that simple, we would not have the high obesity rates we have. I just let her blather on. She means well but is misguided in thinking I am interested in another diet plan like keto.

[jmccarty 9]

It's just hard to listen to. She gives "her reasons" as to why I'm heavy. Why I haven't lost weight. Hearing that makes feeling good about having surgery almost impossible. Makes me (temporarily) wonder if something is wrong with me.

[GeminiSky 80]

Nothing is wrong with you. She is struggling with her own issues and probably wants someone to "struggle" with. Just know this is your choice, and it's a private one if you want it to be. I would suggest telling her that you have made your decision and you are sticking with it. Me personally I would remove her from FB and other things and thank her for the "advice" but I am choosing another path.

[TropicalBeachDoll 70]

I've got one person in my office that has had similar responses. She is also large and is on the Keto diet now. I'm happy for her that she likes doing the keto plan, but she's in her 60s and she has yoyo dieted for years. If it was that simple, we would not have the high obesity rates we have. I just let her blather on. She means well but is misguided in thinking I am interested in another diet plan like keto.

Omg so funny I have a friend that was once interested in having VSG surgery until she found out that she wouldn’t qualify for it. So now she does the keto diet and every day all the time she will call me to brag about saying how much weight she’s losing how she so happy with this new diet which is great. I encourage her all the time to stay on track but don’t get me wrong sometimes I’m like shut the f**k up this is all I hear Keto for hours I try changing subject she goes right back .she will not stop talking about Keto drives me crazy and she takes pleasure doing it. Now she talks down about me having surgery.

[TropicalBeachDoll 70]

It's just hard to listen to. She gives "her reasons" as to why I'm heavy. Why I haven't lost weight. Hearing that makes feeling good about having surgery almost impossible. Makes me (temporarily) wonder if something is wrong with me.

My sister says things like that from my past experience with weight loss dieting so that’s why she doesn’t know about me decision to have surgery. No one knows but a handful of selective people and wonderful support group

[Frustr8 7,886]

But it isn't your sisters body breaking down,from obesity- it's yours
It isn't your sisters joints hurting, it's yours
It isn't your sisters,lungs that like they can't,draw in another breath, it's yours.
It isn't your body which will go through this surgery
it's yours
And it isn't your sisters life that will be changed for the better
it's yours.
In the long run it isn't your sisters decision
it's yours.
........Hugs and Best Wishes, Frustr8........

[Lisa K. 62]

10 hours ago, TropicalBeachDoll said:

Omg so funny I have a friend that was once interested in having VSG surgery until she found out that she wouldn’t qualify for it. So now she does the Keto diet and every day all the time she will call me to brag about saying how much weight she’s losing how she so happy with this new diet which is great. I encourage her all the time to stay on track but don’t get me wrong sometimes I’m like shut the f**k up this is all I hear Keto for hours I try changing subject she goes right back .she will not stop talking about Keto drives me crazy and she takes pleasure doing it. Now she talks down about me having surgery.

So glad I'm not the only one being slammed with keto talk! Like I said, it's great for her and I'm happy she's doing it but the conversation is very stale at this point!

[TakingABreak 2,733]

11 hours ago, jmccarty said:

So, I've been very selective with whom I have told about my upcoming surgery. Just close friends and family. Most of them gave their encouragements and support. However, one work friend I told (who I thought would be sympathetic seeing as how she is very large and understands what it's like) was very much against me having surgery. Actually against VSG or other WLS in general. Something about her sister having gained all her weight back from bypass (or something to that affect). She keeps telling me I just need to get some willpower and work hard. Sends me diets and workout routines on FB. Doesn't she realize that if all it took was willpower and hard work that I would already be fit and thin; those things just haven't worked for me.

How have you dealt with bad reactions/negativity you received when people found out about your choice to have VSG?

This is one of the tips I give people... and its honest real advice.

I personally wouldn't share with people, unless you know they will be 100% supportive. It is nerve wracking already and you need nothing but positivity. Plus it’s a lot of pressure from people who know you've had WLS, versus people who think you are on the weight loss track. People think that the weight is going to melt off after surgery, and sometimes it doesn't. You don't want the extra judgment. Don’t engage people with people who say “WLS is too dramatic” or “You could just diet and lose the weight” or “You aren’t big enough for surgery” or “It’s the easy way out”. SCREW THOSE PEOPLE, they don’t know. They will never know how triumphant our victory will be.

I'm so glad I didn't share with my coworkers, because, they would have been the type to say "You took the easy way out". Now instead, they come to *me* for advice on how to lose weight. They feel guilty when they eat cheeseburgers for lunch, and apologize, as if, it offends me.

My point is... be selective. And ultimately, not to be blunt... but settle on a *I don't give a f*ck what you think* attitude.

[jmccarty 9]

8 minutes ago, AshAsh1 said:

This is one of the tips I give people... and its honest real advice.

I personally wouldn't share with people, unless you know they will be 100% supportive. It is nerve wracking already and you need nothing but positivity. Plus it’s a lot of pressure from people who know you've had WLS, versus people who think you are on the weight loss track. People think that the weight is going to melt off after surgery, and sometimes it doesn't. You don't want the extra judgment. Don’t engage people with people who say “WLS is too dramatic” or “You could just diet and lose the weight” or “You aren’t big enough for surgery” or “It’s the easy way out”. SCREW THOSE PEOPLE, they don’t know. They will never know how triumphant our victory will be.

I'm so glad I didn't share with my coworkers, because, they would have been the type to say "You took the easy way out". Now instead, they come to *me* for advice on how to lose weight. They feel guilty when they eat cheeseburgers for lunch, and apologize, as if, it offends me.

My point is... be selective. And ultimately, not to be blunt... but settle on a *I don't give a f*ck what you think* attitude.

Thank you. Really. It’s so upsetting hearing those things. I just have to remind myself why I chose to do this. I want to get healthy. I want a better life. I want to be happy with what I see in the mirror.

[TakingABreak 2,733]

4 minutes ago, jmccarty said:

Thank you. Really. It’s so upsetting hearing those things. I just have to remind myself why I chose to do this. I want to get healthy. I want a better life. I want to be happy with what I see in the mirror.

There is emotional baggage with this surgery. But I'm proud of you for choosing it for yourself. You won't regret it. Lean on us!

[Mama_Gee 12]

I have made it pretty public to all that I plan to have it. Most people are against it. Some of their stories scare me but I’m still moving forward as I’m praying about it. It’s not a quick fix & taking Vitamins for the rest of my life doesn’t sound appealing but I have tried to do it on my own & it’s just not that easy.

[Boujee_Susie 34]

I choose not to tell anybody not even my parents...I lost 50 pounds a year ago and had Lipo and a Brazilian but left and in my opinion everybody was jealous and when I gain weight back everybody thought it was funny and besides that no one that’s over weight should tell you what’s best for your health....move in silence girl

[YeahOkay31 651]

My mother. I initially made the decision not to tell her until a few months after surgery. Mainly because she has seen the surgery fail time and time again. Plus, what mother wants their kid to go under the knife. She has yo-yo dieted all her life, but does not have the same weight problem I have, she is just a little chunky. So I don't think she understands the daunting task of losing 100s of lbs as opposed to 40 lbs. She kept saying how I lost it all once, I could do it again on my own. When I started losing weight with my nutritionist pre-op, she gushed about how happy she was I was doing it the "right way" and not getting surgery. That kinda cemented my decision not to tell her.

But thanks to my blabber mouth sister she learned two weeks before my surgery. Luckily the indignity of not being told my plans kinda shocked her into silence---for a while. At our fourth of July bbq she started telling everyone about yet another person that had the sleeve who has started to put the weight back on.

It took me a long time to come to the decision to have surgery, and it is all because of my kids. No other reason. But it is ingrained in me that I have "cheated," that this surgery is something to be ashamed of. I have told almost no one, and I plan to keep it that way. My body, my business.

[GreenTealael 25,439]

It's just hard to listen to. She gives "her reasons" as to why I'm heavy. Why I haven't lost weight. Hearing that makes feeling good about having surgery almost impossible. Makes me (temporarily) wonder if something is wrong with me.

She may be using you as a mirror for her own issues, you do exactly what is best for you. She can do what is best for her.

Sent from my Coolpad 3622A using BariatricPal mobile app