Fighting the Negativity

[macadamia 591]

I've hardly told anyone that I'm in the works for this surgery. What I've found is similar to when guys are talking about cars: Everyone knows someone who has had a crappy experience with whatever car you are talking about. They are to be avoided by all means. I happen to drive a BMW and when my boss found out that I drive that brand, he went on about a three-week bender on how they were the worst cars on the planet. He quoted Facebook (the devil) and cited numerous examples of why they are terrible. But, he had no evidence, nor has he ever driven one, let alone owned one.

Why am I telling you this? Last year, a person from work (not in our department) had bypass surgery and word got around. My boss lit into a tirade about how it was a cop-out, that he was not that big - just lazy, etc... It got old fast. He is one person that I will never talk to about anything to do with this surgery. I have as little to do with him as work etiquette allows.

I guess my point is that there will always be people who are with you and there will always be people who are against you. It's been my experience that I am much happier when I do not associate with those who are negative all the time. I can handle people with differing viewpoints, just not when they discount mine in the process. You are doing this for yourself and what you believe is the best course of action for your situation. Only you can make that choice. You have to live with it, not them.

<drops $0.02 on the table and sidled away...>

Edited July 11, 2018 by macadamia

[Laura7 334]

I’ve told most people and I don’t get much negativity. I’ve just been confident in my answer that this was the best choice for me. It also helps that I’m 31 and the reason I am having surgery is to have a healthy pregnancy instead of putting myself and my baby at risk.

[Laura7 334]

I’ve told most people and I don’t get much negativity. I’ve just been confident in my answer that this was the best choice for me. It also helps that I’m 31 and the reason I am having surgery is to have a healthy pregnancy instead of putting myself and my baby at risk.

[TakingABreak 2,733]

On 07/11/2018 at 16:15, Laura7 said:

I’ve told most people and I don’t get much negativity. I’ve just been confident in my answer that this was the best choice for me. It also helps that I’m 31 and the reason I am having surgery is to have a healthy pregnancy instead of putting myself and my baby at risk.

Me too! My main motivation. I can’t wait to start trying.

[nenes78 528]

I only told a few people before the surgery, I did not want to hear about their dads friends uncle who's neighbor sister had surgery and failed.

When people that knew me prior to surgery mention I have been loosing weight, I tell them thanks. That usually kills it it right there. If they ask what I'm doing I might mention the surgery, depending on how the person asks, I can hear it in the tone. I am 4 months out now and up to about month 2 I would tell them I had surgery when asked, but noticed how judgey some people were. Depending on how I am asked, I respond with "I am watching what I am eating and going to the gym", or if I'm comfortable with them I will mention the surgery as well as the changes in eating and the gym.

The way I see it is haters are gonna hate, that's their trip and not mine.

[Gundy 139]

The best advice I can offer to people considering surgery is to only tell people you trust, not mere colleagues or buddies. I’m so grateful I told less than five people. A good friend for ages was interested and supportive at first, but once she didn’t qualify herself, she was no longer interested in any positive updates. That was fine for me. I feel good enough about the WLS that I don’t need accolades or approval.

[nibble 201]

There is no cheating...only choices. For the annoying coworkers, you may have to take the bull by the horns, so to speak, and say "Yes, you have shared your opinion several times, however, you do not know me, If I want your opinion on a topic, I will ask." Then turn around and walk away. It takes courage, and we all have to own our courage at some point. We are COURAGEOUS. If the coworker comes at you again, just say "We must agree to disagree, now not another word about it!"

In my own situation, in a small community where I am known and belong to a community group, I decided on the D&A approach: Decide, and Announce. I am writing to explain my upcoming absence with this:

I could not attend tonight’s meeting as I am recovering from surgery!

The surgery treats a disease I have had all my life. It is not a cure but will greatly assist in managing it and it is the best medical treatment available in 2018. Essentially it involves resizing the stomach, removing a portion of a hormone production center, then recovery with a graduated 10-week transition back to regular food. It's quite a schedule, and will require 100% focus from me without distraction, as well as several post-op appts.

Six years ago my insurance would not cover this procedure, but now obesity is recognized as a disease - a chronic disease - a chronic, deadly disease. Not everyone who is overweight has it, because one can be both overweight and healthy. But for those who’s health becomes compromised by enough other problems, it becomes a disease. I call it a "gateway" disease, putting one in the buffet line to pick up an assortment of other diseases, eg. high blood pressure, high cholesterol, sleep apnea, diabetes, endometrial cancer, arthritis, heart and circulation diseases, bad joints, liver and kidney disease, respiratory issues. And more. I have some of those. I didn't want more. I passed all the tests for clearance, my insurance now covers the procedure, and at 70, recognize this is my last chance for some relief and possible remission.

Like diabetes, cancers and many other diseases, a single core cause remains elusive, but includes multiple factors like genetics & family predisposition, exposure to pesticides, the food industry, environmental pollution, chemicals, our Western culture, individual metabolism and biology, as well as lifestyle and coping styles.

And so, they can arrive at their own "opinions" and I don't give a hoot what they think. Not to be cruel, but their opinion is not something I value when it comes to personal medical decisions. No one's opinion matters more than your own. I imagine some go through this kind of flack in deciding whether or not to have children, an abortion, to adopt, a vasectomy, plastic surgery, and so on. I so agree -- Your. Body. Your. Business.

Edited July 12, 2018 by nibble
typo

[nibble 201]

6 hours ago, macadamia said:

I've hardly told anyone that I'm in the works for this surgery. What I've found is similar to when guys are talking about cars: Everyone knows someone who has had a crappy experience with whatever car you are talking about. They are to be avoided by all means. I happen to drive a BMW and when my boss found out that I drive that brand, he went on about a three-week bender on how they were the worst cars on the planet. He quoted Facebook (the devil) and cited numerous examples of why they are terrible. But, he had no evidence, nor has he ever driven one, let alone owned one.

Why am I telling you this? Last year, a person from work (not in our department) had bypass surgery and word got around. My boss lit into a tirade about how it was a cop-out, that he was not that big - just lazy, etc... It got old fast. He is one person that I will never talk to about anything to do with this surgery. I have as little to do with him as work etiquette allows.

I guess my point is that there will always be people who are with you and there will always be people who are against you. It's been my experience that I am much happier when I do not associate with those who are negative all the time. I can handle people with differing viewpoints, just not when they discount mine in the process. You are doing this for yourself and what you believe is the best course of action for your situation. Only you can make that choice. You have to live with it, not them.

<drops $0.02 on the table and sidled away...>

Wow, I really liked your attitude and response. Thanks for sharing it, Macadamia!

[nibble 201]

5 hours ago, nenes78 said:

I only told a few people before the surgery, I did not want to hear about their dads friends uncle who's neighbor sister had surgery and failed.

When people that knew me prior to surgery mention I have been loosing weight, I tell them thanks. That usually kills it it right there. If they ask what I'm doing I might mention the surgery, depending on how the person asks, I can hear it in the tone. I am 4 months out now and up to about month 2 I would tell them I had surgery when asked, but noticed how judgey some people were. Depending on how I am asked, I respond with "I am watching what I am eating and going to the gym", or if I'm comfortable with them I will mention the surgery as well as the changes in eating and the gym.

The way I see it is haters are gonna hate, that's their trip and not mine.

You have carved out a great response and I will use it with some people, if you don't mind! You are correct, you can often hear acceptance or judgment in a person's tone.

[nenes78 528]

2 hours ago, nibble said:

You have carved out a great response and I will use it with some people, if you don't mind! You are correct, you can often hear acceptance or judgment in a person's tone.

No worries, please use it as you like. I heard it from a classmate in our post surgery group, and it made sense.

[Frustr8 7,886]

Don't let the Doom-sayers try to drag you down. You are on a zip line to better health, it is your own race and while 5hey are full of sorrow and hate, you soon will be going great. Smile and spread sunshine🌕wherever you happen to go!

[Jdesmond73 138]

I may be oversimplifying things but if people have an issue, I don’t waste my time on them anymore. I did this for my health and it is the best decision for my health that I have ever made. I am no longer on blood pressure medication, no longer pre diabetic and no longer have sleep apnea. I have more energy for my Wife and Children and our home life is much better because of my surgery. If people have an issue with that, I don’t want anything to do with them. Interestingly, the people who have openly voiced their disapproval are overweight themselves. I know it’s hard to deal with the negatIvity but do what’s right for you and trust that it will all work out. Best of luck!

Edited July 12, 2018 by Jdesmond73

[nibble 201]

8 minutes ago, Jdesmond73 said:

I may be oversimplifying things but if people have an issue, I don’t waste my time on them anymore. I did this for my health and it is the best decision for my health that I have ever made. I am no longer on blood pressure medication, no longer pre diabetic and no longer have sleep apnea. I have more energy for my Wife and Children and our home life is much better because of my surgery. If people have an issue with that, I don’t want anything to do with them. Interestingly, the people who have openly voiced their disapproval are overweight themselves. I know it’s hard to deal with the negatIvity but do what’s right for you and trust that it will all work out. Best of luck!

Right on, J! Interesting coment about those who disapprove most are themselves overweight. Sometimes people want to pull you down to their level rather than appreciate your success and focus more on themselves.

[Jodi1980 63]

I have had mostly supportive people. It is very true when you can sense it in people's tone when they voice their concern or opinion. To those "Debbie Downers, I think "Just be happy for me for Christ sake, I'm getting healthier"! Ready or not here I come

[macadamia 591]

12 hours ago, nibble said:

Wow, I really liked your attitude and response. Thanks for sharing it, Macadamia!

You are very welcome.