Family support

[AshMarie794 164]

Good morning everyone hope you all had a good weekend.

Ok so here is my issue. I have had my family support from the day I told them I was going to get the surgery. But out of the blue yesterday my mom said she would like to see me not go through with it and just loose it on my own. Since I have lost a few pounds over the last month on my own she just thinks I should do it that way. I have lost weight on my own before. Many times. I always gain it back and then some. As does she. She's had yo-yo weight all her life as well. I want this tool to help me get and stay on track. I don't know where this came from as far as her wanting me to not do it all of a sudden. She says she doesn't know anyone that has had long term success with it and they all gain the weight back. They all have had complications. And goes on and on. Like really..... I am a month out from surgery well a little more but still. I have went through the 6 month process twice now and its finally almost over and she want to come at me with this. It was like a slap in the face. I don't know how to feel about it.

Has anyone else had this and how did you handle it? I feel I shouldn't have to defend myself for the decisions that I am making about my life.

[ElanBri 36]

I had something similar with my dad. The rest of the family was immediately very supportive, including my husband.

I am a daddy's girl, though so I knew my dad and I would have to have a sit-down discussion. We are very close and he is nervous. My surgery is about a month away and it has gotten better now that he knows the time is drawing close and can see how much work I've done to prepare.

It would maybe be a good idea to talk about why she's suddenly feeling this way. Maybe she's scared too? My dad wanted to talk to my surgeon, so I made an appointment just for them to sit and my dad could ask questions. He found it informative and it eased his concern a bit more. He's still scared, but isn't trying to dissuade me any more.

[DaleCruse 756]

It sounds like this isn't about you. This is about your mom's own fears about herself. See, if you lose weight & are successful, then she no longer has an excuse to not do something permanent about her weight.

1 hour ago, AshMarie794 said:

She says she doesn't know anyone that has had long term success with it and they all gain the weight back.

False. Invite your mother to this forum.

Good luck. You - & your mom - are not alone.

[AshMarie794 164]

23 minutes ago, ElanBri said:

I had something similar with my dad. The rest of the family was immediately very supportive, including my husband.

I am a daddy's girl, though so I knew my dad and I would have to have a sit-down discussion. We are very close and he is nervous. My surgery is about a month away and it has gotten better now that he knows the time is drawing close and can see how much work I've done to prepare.

It would maybe be a good idea to talk about why she's suddenly feeling this way. Maybe she's scared too? My dad wanted to talk to my surgeon, so I made an appointment just for them to sit and my dad could ask questions. He found it informative and it eased his concern a bit more. He's still scared, but isn't trying to dissuade me any more.

Like I had said my mom has struggled with weight all her life. She keeps saying my fiancé and I need to just get on track together and it will be easier blah blah blah. Ok I get that but I know for myself and my situation this is what I need she doesn't understand my point all of a sudden. See my dad and her were never one to say "work out" together. He would never go for walks or support her in that way so that is why she always just gained it back. But now that they are in their 50's they do workout and eat healthy and took over a healthy lifestyle. I WILL NOT WAIT UNTIL I AM 50 TO TAKE HOLD OF MY LIFE.

Ok I understand my fiancé and I need to be healthier but I know my fiancé isn't one to want to be healthy. He supports my decision but he doesn't strive to loose weight. He is eating better with me but I cant just rely on him dieting with me to loose all this weight. I am needing to loose weight to help my joints. I had a very traumatic injury to my ankle and leg and deal with chronic pain. AGAIN something she has no idea about.

Just crazy how she did a complete 180 on me in what seems like no time at all.......

Sorry to rant I just feel like I don't want this to derail me at all and need to get it out.

[AshMarie794 164]

19 minutes ago, DaleCruse said:

It sounds like this isn't about you. This is about your mom's own fears about herself. See, if you lose weight & are successful, then she no longer has an excuse to not do something permanent about her weight.

False. Invite your mother to this forum.

Good luck. You - & your mom - are not alone.

I've even told her about this forum and that there are so many success stories out there. But I think because she doesn't personally know them its like it just isn't real.

[Frustr8 7,886]

I agree, show her this forum. If she says it is only for a select few, show her my,postings. I am atypical- I am 72, a widow, 2 of my 3 children still living, having a RnY, on here I would say it's 50%sleeve, 49%RnY and the remaining Omega loop(single anastomosis) lap band and ESG. So I'm not quite average, I have tried almost every diet known to man and womankind, some pretty funky and weird. My late MIL believed in the Grapefruit diet and eating standing up. Didn't do a whole lot of good, she was 5ft2in and built like a grape. If I lost any weight,o could not keep it off. Only sure fire one for me was pregnancy and you can't always stay that way. Lost 22 lb with a 9 lb child, but it returned to,me like a bad memory. And after menopause it kept gradually going up although my appetite if anything got smaller. My high weight was 366 last October, I have lost 35 lbs but with the metabolism of a slug on antidepressants it hasn't been easy. But I have strawberry blonde/red gold hair still natural, stand 5ft8in now, was 6 ft tall in my prime but your spine condenses down . I am commuted to succeed at this, even if it is an uphill battle,much of society counts us out but we still have a lot to give and I intend to live, live thinner and healthier, and give to others until I die. See I still believe the best is yet to be!😛👍😛

[Frustr8 7,886]

And also take her to a Bariatric support group, let her hear success strories from others, can't guarantee someone my age will be there but there will be people from 20 into their50s, a lot of people still do it and succeed at that age. I just was on a thread with a 44,46,53 and 55 year old starting out,and wanting to know what it was really like. The 53 year,old Is It Too Late for Me? and I could say No Mam I'm doing it and I will win this battle. It is among the safest of major surgeries and will make such a positive change for you and for her also. Yes I am a cheerleader but I am cheering for the RIGHT team!😛

[TakingABreak 2,733]

There is inevitably someone in everyone's life who won't support this decision. This is why I don't advocate telling people. Its is really necessary to tell anyone who doesn't live under your roof, and who may be affected by your recovery time? I don't think it's anyone's business. Lean on your therapist, husband, best friend if they are supportive for the emotional stuff. And your surgeon for the medical questions. I see too many people who get discouraged by other people who think this is the "easy way out". This surgery is life changing, but for the better. I sincerely hope that you move forward, and your fears are eliminated.

[TruthSeeker710 2]

I can absolutely relate to this family issue. It's so difficult when your biggest cheerleader, and one of your main supports suddenly has a different mind set for your procedure. You suddenly start to question if this is the right thing so close to the end; even though previously you have already gone through the pro's and con's. Bottom line is you know what's best for you, and you need to follow your own path despite anyone else's opinions. Unfortunately you may need to do like I did and just distance yourself from then for awhile. Right now it's OK for AshMarie to be totally selfish for once and do what you need to do to live a long healthy, happy life, for you and only you!

Just a little on my issue, my sister who has had both the lap band, and then RNY has been diagnosed with cancer and is now having a very hard time in life. Prior to her recent struggle she was 100% gung-ho for my procedure and highly supportive, but now she is having a hard time in her life and I feel she is putting this negativity towards me. It's hard, but I've had to call her way less often just for my own overall well being. I keep telling myself I'll be of a much better help to her later on if I'm actually healthy myself.

[AshMarie794 164]

30 minutes ago, AshAsh1 said:

There is inevitably someone in everyone's life who won't support this decision. This is why I don't advocate telling people. Its is really necessary to tell anyone who doesn't live under your roof, and who may be affected by your recovery time? I don't think it's anyone's business. Lean on your therapist, husband, best friend if they are supportive for the emotional stuff. And your surgeon for the medical questions. I see too many people who get discouraged by other people who think this is the "easy way out". This surgery is life changing, but for the better. I sincerely hope that you move forward, and your fears are eliminated.

Thank you.

I am so on your side about not telling people. Only my parents and fiancé know. O and my grandma and aunt just because they are my support system. But no co workers nor friends know. They don't need to know. And I've had am amazing support system with them all UNTIL last night. It was truly a slap in the face.

I am hoping that with my surgery I can meet new people maybe even local and make some new WLS buddies.

[TakingABreak 2,733]

1 minute ago, AshMarie794 said:

Thank you.

I am so on your side about not telling people. Only my parents and fiancé know. O and my grandma and aunt just because they are my support system. But no co workers nor friends know. They don't need to know. And I've had am amazing support system with them all UNTIL last night. It was truly a slap in the face.

I am hoping that with my surgery I can meet new people maybe even local and make some new WLS buddies.

I hope that you do find people. All of my family knows, because they have big mouths....not intentional. But I don't allow them to inject negative feelings or opinions. I'm kind of a blunt person and I don't really put up with it. I took the people close to me to different events regarding the process. I had the initial info meeting, which my sister and best friend tagged along, then the consultation, my husband went with. My aunt went with me for pre op testing. My best friend went with me to the Nutritionist and Bariatric class. My sister went with me to the Pulmonologist appointment. All my appointments were 3+ hours away, so it helped to have a buddy for driving purposes. My husband obviously has been there for all my follow ups and surgery. Honestly, they each got a deep understanding of the process and knew the dedication hands on after each appointment. I feel they really get it now, and I don't have to constantly explain why I can't eat something or what exactly the surgery entailed. Some people, no matter how much you explain, can't wrap their brains on this being a permanent life change.

But mostly, I just tell people I'm eating healthier and working out. This year for my birthday at work... my card was even fitness/health related. A lot of co workers put comments about my dedication to health and fitness. So things change and people start to think of you differently. I think its better that people don't have the chance to "label" you or the likely stigma that comes with closed minded people and WLS.