Wife not Supportive

[Danny Paul 761]

I had rotor cuff surgery and it took me quite awhile to wake up from the anesthesia. Fast forward eight years,when I told my wife that I was getting WLS she wasn't supportive at all. She worried that I would not wake up this time. I told her that I was going ahead with the surgery (Doctors had no problem with the effects of anesthesia) and that if she wasn't supportive she couldn't be a part of the journey. I would find another family member to be by my side. After careful thought she changed her position. I'm so glad she did, I really needed her to be with me and to be a part of this. Sometimes it isn't lack of support but fear of the unknown that stops others from supporting us.

[apositivelife4me 189]

I would go down to the County Courthouse and file for a divorce. If she cant be supportive then she wont be supportive after the surgery.

[Roxy1771 21]

14 hours ago, apositivelife4me said:

I would go down to the County Courthouse and file for a divorce. If she cant be supportive then she wont be supportive after the surgery.

Lol ok this is a little too extreme!

[Jade5 58]

14 hours ago, apositivelife4me said:

I would go down to the County Courthouse and file for a divorce. If she cant be supportive then she wont be supportive after the surgery.

WOW.

[Pescador 1,374]

My husband went to WLS 20 years. Overweight his entire life. I supported him fully as the calls to Rescue we’re becoming more frequent with his diabetes, heart, BP and sleep apnea. In fact, I qualified for the sleeve with my diabetes, asthma and HBP. He was scared. I went first. It was a piece of cake, a few hours in the hospital, no pain pills, and walking a mall a few days later. My husband knows this surgery saved his life. He is down 100 lbs, He loves living, , traveling, and buying clothes. I was only SCARED he would NOT have the surgery!

[Lily’sMom 28]

You have 4 co-morbitities. That is not good and definitely puts you at a higher risk for premature death. Would she rather that be the case? My husband was not thrilled but I put it to him just that way. I am the bread winner and my death would pose serious financial issues for my family. I can’t get any more life insurance because of the same co-morbities you have. Surgery is a good choice for you. She will come around.

[Beck53 17]

Have her meet someone who has had the procedure.

[Donnie58 0]

It hard buddy my girl friend an I broke up over mine. I was loosing more that she was loosing with here lap band Hang in there and maybe y’all can get some kind of counseling maybe try taking her to a bariatrics meeting

[sideeye 1,440]

Lots of family members are leery of the surgery because it does, after all, have a mortality rate. They see "elective surgery" and think that it's vanity surgery. They may be the type who can lose 10 lbs and keep it off easily, or they may have watched The Biggest Loser without reading any of the follow-up studies.

What I found most useful was telling family that even though this surgery was technically "elective", I was getting it to avoid a ton of NON-elective surgeries down the line when I'm older and less healthy. Knees and hips, in particular, but other weight-related problems too. I showed them the studies about people whose metabolisms never reset after significant weight loss and who gain it all back. I show them the success rates over time for "diet and exercise" losers versus bariatric patients. At a certain point, it becomes obvious that for someone with significant weight issues, this is a sensible surgery.

But most of the time I think the resistance is being scared they'll lose you if there's a problem during surgery, and that feeds directly into a conviction that elective surgeries shouldn't happen. They can't lose you to diet and exercise, so they push hard for that. In some ways it can be seen as an expression of love and concern.... but only for so long. If you've provided them with documentation that should allay their fears and they STILL balk, well, go it alone.

[Born in Missouri 1,264]

316913 does not give enough information. What can we do?

[Born in Missouri 1,264]

@Lily'sMom Pescador is not the original poster. Pescador already had weight-loss surgery and so did her husband.

It's confusing sometimes, especially when there is more than one page and we have to scroll up and down to read who said what.

[Snapple 42]

On 7/3/2018 at 4:47 PM, Dawn Rae said:

Both of my grandparents tried to talk me out of it for months.

"What if your doctor says you're not fat enough?" "What if you lose too much weight before then?" "Do you ever think something bad might happen to you?"

My grandmother actually called my mother at one point to talk her into talking me out of it. At 350lbs, diabetic, high cholesterol, with sleep apnea, I knew what I wanted to do. It's your body and your decision. Allowing someone else to dictate what you do with what's yours will leave you with regrets. At some point in time, you have to make your own choices and be damned with what people think. You don't always need someone else's approval, especially if you're comfortable in your decisions.

Just wondering how your Grandparents feel about everything since you're still alive (lol), lost tons of weight and are doing so well? Have they come around?

[Dawn Rae 32]

8 hours ago, Snapple said:

Just wondering how your Grandparents feel about everything since you're still alive (lol), lost tons of weight and are doing so well? Have they come around?

They're honestly very proud of me lmao. My grandfather keeps bragging about me to our other family members, it was a weird turn around for a while.

[Azmassage 24]

Do it anyways it’s not about her it’s about u. It’s a control thing when people don’t support u. My husband didn’t and told him to get over it I am doing it anyways he was afraid I leave if I was skinny

[Azmassage 24]

On 07/03/2018 at 13:25, 316913 said:

Ok More facts. I'm male 5'9" and 245 pounds. PMI 36.2. I'm pre diabetic, high blood pressure(2 meds), High cholesterol (1 med) and have sleep apnea.

My wife feels surgery is a cop out. Why can;t I lose the weight the old fashion way. She will not take the time to read about the benefits or the risks.

I am 5’9 and started at 250 I had the sleeve and this is a tool u still have to change your lifestyle. I had my surgery on 5/29/2018 I went in at 221 I lost weight prior since it was a 6 month process I am now 194. I do not regret it. I do work out twice a day and eat right I am about off my BP medication and I feel great. My husband was not supportive and I told him to bit me I had to recover and everything by myself. But I love my tool