To tell or not to tell father about vsg?

[DiamondintheRough 1]

Hi all! I'm sure this has been posted a million times, but...

I am new here and my surg date is July 10th. I'm excited, but very nervous. I've never had surgery and I'm worried about post-op. I have been surfing around the board for a few days and you all have given me a lot of inspiration.

So, my question is how did you all deal with not wanting to tell family members? My mom knows and my grandmother (retired RN). With no wanting to be judged, I have not told my father nor anyone else.

I understand you don't have to explain your decision to anyone, but my plan is to tell him if he asks about my weight loss after he sees the physical weight transformation over time.

It's something I'm worrying about.

Much Love

[sillykitty 10,780]

You have no obligation to tell anyone. Don't bring unnecessary drama or stress into you life by telling people who won't be supportive.

[DiamondintheRough 1]

47 minutes ago, sillykitty said:

You have no obligation to tell anyone. Don't bring unnecessary drama or stress into you life by telling people who won't be supportive.

THANK YOU

[Creekimp13 5,840]

You do it however you're most comfortable. There's no right or wrong way. You're entitled to privacy:)

[Kat0000 124]

Dont worry about that right now. When the time comes and you wont to tell him then do but its truly is your decision to take control of your health and happiness. Dont let anyone steal your JOY. No matter how the might react to your decision. He can only have 2 reactions and just make sure your good with both that way you keep your joy.

[Frustr8 7,886]

Didn't your father raise you to be strong, self-reliant, able to stand on your own two feet? Congratulations you have made a very adult decision to have to this surgery, as an adult you are under. no obligation to tell him unless he is bankrolling the expedition or you are still on his insurance policy. Then,it might be courtesy to tell him.❤😝❤

[DiamondintheRough 1]

1 minute ago, Frustr8 said:

Didn't your father raise you to be strong, self-reliant, able to stand on your own two feet? Congratulations you have made a very adult decision to have to this surgery, as an adult you are under. no obligation to tell him unless he is bankrolling the expedition or you are still on his insurance policy. Then,it might be courtesy to tell him.❤😝❤

LMAO. Thank you I appreciate the tough love. I am new to this "adulting" thing.

48 minutes ago, Kat0000 said:

Dont worry about that right now. When the time comes and you wont to tell him then do but its truly is your decision to take control of your health and happiness. Dont let anyone steal your JOY. No matter how the might react to your decision. He can only have 2 reactions and just make sure your good with both that way you keep your joy.

Thank you! I'm just nervous about everything now -overthinking and analyzing everything. I can't wait for the surgery to be over.

[DiamondintheRough 1]

1 hour ago, Creekimp13 said:

You do it however you're most comfortable. There's no right or wrong way. You're entitled to privacy:)

Thank you

[BostonWLKC 807]

I told zero people other than my husband. I’m very grateful I didn’t- hear so much about the drama and opinions of others that quite frankly I don’t need or care for.

I’m sure folks wonder but I’ve gone with new eating and exercise lifestyle is reason for weight loss— which technically is true 😊😬

You do you.

[RapidFirePickle 119]

My mother, sister, and in-laws totally get it and are proud of me. My father wouldn't understand, so my mother agreed to keep it between us. He's not un-supportive, he is one of those people who can't understand why its necessary because he didn't need it. I'm glad I got my bypass.

[S@ssen@ch 745]

This is YOUR JOURNEY. Go down your path as you see fit.

I only told my husband and a handful of trusted friends. I still haven't told my children or my parents. It's not that I'm embarrassed or ashamed. Having this surgery was a personal decision and I intend to keep it as private as I can.

That being said, be prepared that you may have to field questions from concerned loved ones who notice you are not eating very much. Recently, my children took my husband aside and asked if I was sick.

[DiamondintheRough 1]

On 7/2/2018 at 8:51 AM, S@ssen@ch said:

This is YOUR JOURNEY. Go down your path as you see fit.

I only told my husband and a handful of trusted friends. I still haven't told my children or my parents. It's not that I'm embarrassed or ashamed. Having this surgery was a personal decision and I intend to keep it as private as I can.

That being said, be prepared that you may have to field questions from concerned loved ones who notice you are not eating very much. Recently, my children took my husband aside and asked if I was sick.

How do you deal with that? What's your response?

[gully90 214]

No one in my family knows except my husband. I’m a whole month post op now lol

[S@ssen@ch 745]

2 hours ago, DiamondintheRough said:

How do you deal with that? What's your response?

My kids approached my husband. He told them that I was on another diet. I've been on a lot of them, so they really didn't question it.

FYI: My kids are adults and out of the house. So, it's not like they're seeing me every day. Also, it's not that I'm hiding the fact that I had surgery, I just didn't feel the need to include them in my journey to better myself. I see myself confiding in them at some point, but right now I'm relatively early in this journey and I'm still learning how to eat properly.

Last week we went out to dinner with friends of ours to a new restaurant. I ordered the best I could considering everything was fried and picked at my food until I was finished. No one said anything to me at the time, but one of the men asked my husband the next day because they thought I didn't like my food. Again, my husband's response was one that I was on a special diet (which I am).

I reiterate: this is YOUR JOURNEY. You set the rules on who is on that journey with you.

I'm happy being on this journey with only a few trusted people. I'm a private person by nature and I don't feel the need to involve others. These forums are my source of support even if I am more of a lurker than a contributor. I haven't outright lied to anyone. I AM on a different diet than I was before. I AM watching what I eat and making healthier choices. I AM eating slower to be mindful of my body's reaction to the food I eat.