Friends and family problems help!

[nicolebklyn 13]

5 days after gastric sleeve surgery on June 18
SW 200 CW 190 GW 140

I’m doing well - but I am at the moment angry with the people around me. My mom is staying with me ostensibly to help me but she decided to “test” me by eating skinny cow chocolate covered ice cream in front of me after eating Pasta for dinner- and then when I had a sugar free fudgcicle tell me how worried she is about me keeping to my diet after she leaves. Then she says how she’s sees all these young with it happy people and it breaks her heart that I’m not one of them and so she’s really glad I got this surgery done.

And then she complains all the time because she’s staying in the spare room and she doesn’t get to sleep in my comfortable bed. And she complains just about everything. I appreciate that she was there for me while I was in the hospital but I’m starting to want her to go.

Then my oldest friend who has always been there for me and vice versa won’t even return my calls or talk with me at all - although I got a few texts - that was it.

Then my closest friend who lives near me doesn’t approve of me having the surgery and shows it in subtle ways - or asks a stupid question when I saw her today if any of my long term medical problems are better yet when of course they’re not better I’m only five days out from my surgery and the problems like chronic foot pain and PCOS come from excess weight- it’s going to take time for them to get better. She was asking that to emphasize something I’m not sure what but it made me feel bad. She has no comprehension what it’s like to be obese she must weigh like 115 pounds or something. She thinks it was an extreme decision I did for reasons of vanity - but she doesn’t understand the nature and challenge of weight loss especially with all my strange health conditions. The first night I was in the hospital she was supposed to visit me but canceled so go out to dinner with her boyfriend’s aunt and uncle saying it was their last night in town, but she’d known about my hospital time for weeks and the aunt and uncle had been in town for days. She did come the next night but it was just happenstance that I was still in the hospital for a second night.

In the meantime I can’t even keep down Protein mashed potatoes in a little jar (I eat from jars for portion control). So I’m just needy - I need a support system and the people I would normally rely on are failing me and I’m angry at them. And I don’t like being needy in this way but I am at the moment. And I’m brought face to face with the nature and quality of my friendships. And how much can we actually ask of our friends? And how much can we ask of our families? I obviously need to see a therapist and work these things out.

But aside from everyone else - I’m doing very well physically. Don’t get me wrong it’s challenging but I’m very happy with my decision.

UPSHOT: So if any of you out there have experience with negative influences from friends and how to deal with people not being supportive or well intentioned people who end up sabotaging you - please! Let me know how you deal with it.
PS I tried posting this elsewhere but it didn’t seem to post - forgive me if this should be in rants and raves.

[GreenTealael 25,378]

Now may be the time where you find deeper strength in yourself and independence from the negative connections. Perhaps this is who they were all along and you can just see clearer now.

[Sosewsue61 3,185]

Some people are really bad at expressing themselves constructively, and others are out n out saboteurs. Beware of those 2nd ones, you will know if they continue this behavior a few months in, in the meantime rely on yourself and this forum and your surgeon's office. Maybe there is a wls support group near you?

You may find friendships change drastically, true friends will be happy for your improved health and not negative or jealous. While it's sad if those friendships end, some of them preferred you to be miserable and to never change - seems weird doesn't it? You will be fine, and probably stronger as you discover your new health and new relationship with food. There are great things just waiting for you - grab on and don't look back.

[Frustr8 7,886]

A thought for you to think,on, I read this somewhere
Reach out to your family, if they rebel keep on reaching out. You will get bonus points in Heaven; they get the eternal demerit points. The problem is have with this. is When you turn the other cheek,you end up with 2 bruised cheeks instead of one. Also:
Fire refines some people so you see the gold underneath. but some are trash and just burn up with a loud stinky smell.
You are one of the better people, you don't need trash in your life so turn your back on friends like that. Your mother that is a problem . You were her baby, she should be protecting you while you are trying to recover. Set her down , explain I appreciate you trying to help, but things you are doing and saying are hurtfull to me. If you aren't happy to be here and help me, perhaps it's time for you to go home. So it's up to you- Mom ---❤--how is it going to be?

[Bryn910 519]

I am one of those people that would tell my mom to leave and just say I need alone time. How incredibly rude of her to want to sleep in your bed when you’re the one healing. I will never understand people like that. Not to mention the food thing and eating in front of you.

Maybe I am a witch but I would express my feelings to them the way you’re doing to us now. These people in your life will never know how you feel unless you communicate it with them. And if they’re still coming at you the same way, just ignore them for some time. If they apologize and want back in, they’ll let you know. If they don’t, then you have seen their true colors.

Life is too Short.

[Creekimp13 5,840]

Some people will free their time to maintain their relationship with you.

Some people only maintain their relationship with you in their free time.

These are two different relationships.

Learn to tell the difference.

Best wishes!

[Frustr8 7,886]

Yo Nicole you're from Brooklyn, right? Use some of that Brooklyn Spunk and Spirit. Sit her down , Say:
It's been fine
At times
Don't mean to Whine
But Ma, it's Going Home Time
That's short- sweet- and about as Brooklyn as I can come up with.
Old Saying. Relatives and Dead Fish Stink After 3 Days
You gave Ma an entire week!