Unsuccessful at MY goal?

[Sades 4]

I haven't read the other thread but must say you look great. I have set myself a goal that others may think is not slim enough but I've never wanted to be a size 8 or 10, especially more so now that I'm 52yo... got to keep those wrinkles away!! :biggrin1: I want to lose weight for my health and getting to a size 12 will certainly do that. I think we all have the opportunity to revisit our goals the closer we get to them but I'm happy with mine in the meantime.

[nina874 48]

Saw the other thread, and stand by what I said at the time, that comments were being taken out of context, the initial comments were directed internally - not at anyone. I am not going to drag it all up here though, if people want to take time to read through all the threads they may see either point of view, frankly I dont give a stuff and I dont think that you should either.

Take satisfaction that you are stunning hon, and from what I have seen of your normal posting, you are lovely on the inside too. One of the problems with rants and raves is that people can take things personally which can lead to rows!

I feel that goal weight is a totally personal thing, and if you are happy and healthy where you are then stuff what anyone else thinks! I dont think that you, or anyone else, should have to feel that they have to make up an 'excuse' for why you are happy where you are.

BTW love your hair!!!

Nina xx

[georgia girl 35]

You look great! I can't wait to get to MY goal. I set my goal at 150 but who knows, it could change by then. Again, you look great!

[TheGh0st 9]

I'm just glad that other thread finally died. I was a lurker watching on like some vulture at a crash site. I'm not sure which bothers me most, that I kept lurking as it spun out of control, or that I was too afraid to join in for fear I'd upset one or more of the other posters who I've grown to respect and count on here at lapbandtalk. Multiple times I'd start to compose a reply with the hopes to help calm the waters, then I'd erase it all saying to myself I am not the moderator and I'd probably only get shot for being the uninvited messenger.

I strongly believe posts were mis-interpreted on BOTH sides of a couple different issues and attempted apologies fell on the deaf ears of ALL parties causing everything to sadly spiral more and more out of control. It is all too easy for most of us to only read and hold on to the apparent negative comments in a post, convinced they are written personally about us while blindly ignoring the comments that take pains to say it is neither about us nor meant as an insult towards us.

Think about it. I've seen this pattern many times on different threads and different boards.

(The anatomy of the downward spiraling thread)

Post A-1 - :)Poster A's makes a comment on the thread .

Post B-1 - :mad:Poster B responds that they found Poster A's comment offensive.

Post A-2 - :confused::spider::mad:Then Party A tries to apologize and explain it wasn't intentional, but goes on to say they felt offended by a part of Poster B's response.

Post B-2 - :spider:Party B also tries to apologize and explain....

At this point Both parties have been offended, and both parties have apologized for giving offense trying to explain they didn't mean to. In an ideal world this is where it should end. If either party wants the other to believe their apology was sincere then they should be equally willing to believe that the other posters apology was meant to be just as sincere. Instead it continues...

Post B-2 :suspicious::yell:(continued from above) - in addition to the apology Party B goes on to re-emphasize how Party A's initial comments really were offensive and either says (or implies) that they do not believe it wasn't intentional.

Post A-3 - :Banane44::spider::suspicious::yell:Now Party A feels the need to respond again further attempting to explain the offense was not intended but adding their own disbelief in Party B's apology.

Spiral Down - :frusty::spider::rant:

:fencing:

Spiral Down - :frusty::spider::mad2:

:argue:

Spiral Down - :mad2:

Until everyone's attempts at apologizing/explaining get shorter and shorter as well as each parties tempers. All the while more and more people get involved on both sides turning it into practically a war.

PS - for anyone that is interested (or willing to believe me) I'm not trying to insult anyone for having ever been sucked into one of these spirals. I'm just saying its sad when it happens. I'm not even saying I'm immune to it I fallen into the same spiral on a local Kansas City board a couple times, both as Poster A (accidentally starting the whole spiral) and as Poster B (being the first to feel offended then not accepting the apology)

[green 6]

Sounds like a good analysis, Ghost.

[Mariposa Bella 3]

I am with you Ghost. I never intended to offend anyone, because that is just not me. (Just got caught in it, I'm going to try to stay away from the rants/rave threads)

I am secure in who I am and don't take offense to the negative comments from those who don't know me.

Thanks

[WASaBubbleButt 41]

I believe you caught hell for some exceedingly nasty comments on there, and for being the one that started it all by intimating that Chickie was too scrawny and that you felt you'd look truly awful at her weight.

I also believe you accused her of being obsessed with herself and of attention seeking by continuing to draw attention to her photos, seeking comments about how beautiful she is. Ironic eh?

I also believe that debate was about "excuses" for remaining obese and insisting that it was healthy, about assuming that people that get to goal and below are obsessive or exercise too much, not about fine tuning 5lb or 10lb. You were the one that initially made Chickie out to be silly for going below YOUR weight, not the other way around. And you're either thick or deliberately choosing not to see that fact.

Thank you. I was hoping someone would clarify what happened over there vs. how the initial post makes it sound.

Too bad so many of those posts were deleted by the author.

[nina874 48]

The Thread was ' Why do people set their goal weights so high?'

Originally Posted by Mariposa Bella

Originally Posted by Mariposa Bella

I'm 5"2" but always say I'm 5"3", started at 195 lbs a busting out of size 16, got down to 137 size 8, sometimes, very few times a 6.. and now I'm at about 155 in a size 10. Okay now tell me, why have some of you chosen to have such small goal weights of 120 or below?? I thought I wanted to weigh 130 but when I was 137 my husband said that is enough, don't lose anymore, you are starting to look sickly, you look great like this please don't lose anymore, so I stopped. I was a nice size 8, and felt great at that weight, I am truly amazed when I read that some of you are a size 0 or 2, WOW, I don't think I'd ever want to be that skinny.. Not for me, I need to get back in my 8 and I'll be comfortable.. So ladies, please don't feel that you have to get to a tiny little number, re-evaluate yourself when you lose weight, find a healthy, normal range for you, just my humble opinion.

My goal weight picked me. I didn't try to get down to 107lbs, but through a good healthy diet, and daily exercise that's where I ended up. And I don't look ill, or sick at all. I am not skinny, nor do I feel pressure from anyone to be thin.

At an 8 or a 10, I am still fat. I am tiny. I have tiny feet, tiny hands, and and am just a little person. So my current weight suits me just fine. Skinny is not actually a word I would use to describe myself. I look athletic, and healthy. Not skinny.

My weight does not define me at all. Nor does the tag on my dress. And I am sorry that you get the impression that it does, but you are very wrong about that.

I'm glad to hear that you feel perfectly healthy at your weight, I was just saying that I would hate for some of us to feel like somehow we were not successful with our bands if we don't get to such a tiny number. For me, 137 was a great weight, so that's is all I meant. Maybe I'm just jelouse.. I'm happy for you.. don't misinterpret my post.. I'm not the most eloquent at speaking or writing. I just want everyone to decide what is best for them, not for anyone else.

Was my post what started this debate?? Good Lord, I hope not. As I said, FOR ME, that would be too small or yes in my eyes too skinny.. and I hate to say this, but there is such a thing as being too thin.. Look at how Nicole Ritchie and the Olsen twin girl looked.. they looked disgusting. I'm not the only one that thinks that. I am happy that some/all of you are meeting your goals at 100%.. Forgive me if I fell short of meeting my goal of 135 and stopped at 137. I personally looked really good, some oldies on this board saw my pictures taken after my weightloss and surgeries and if I say so myself, I looked pretty damn good. For me, 137 is a good weight.. My 12 year old daughter weighs about 120 lbs (very athletic and toned, she's a dancer) and is a size 0 or 1 depending on the brand.. And for me that would not be a good weight.. I could however steal her very cute clothes, Hugh?? There's a thought. No seriously, I don't want to offend anyone, but each and everyone of us, needs to evaluate themselves and decide where they feel good and healthy. And to those idiots that are sending pm's offending others, stop it.. Be happy with yourself, love yourself and respect others.. Didn't your momma teach you all this??

OOPS, I know, I know, your tired of me, but I missed highlighting some.. Can someone please teach me to edit my posts.. When I try to edit, all I get are happy face creatures in front of letters..

__________________

Banded 11-4-04

Port Revised 7-4-05

I think you would have to ask the OP if this thread was inspired by you, because I don't know. I know that MY part in this thread has been inspired by all the mean spirited people who have taken great pains to tell me I am skinny, anorexic, ugly and nasty.

And I am not sure what the point in posting the content of that thread was.

My point there, as it is here is, as much as people don't like being called fat, I don't like being called skinny, and scrawny. And let me tell you, when you pick my weight, or dress size, and say that at your height (which is the same as mine) you would look scrawny and skinny, it tends to give the impression that you are talking about me.

I am sorry that if by saying whatever I am you think I am saying that you are falling short (I have no idea what I did to give the impression I think that by not being super skinny people are falling short, I never actually used that expression till just now...)

See, I have no freaking idea where you get the idea that I think I have to be super skinny. Just because my weight is not one you could imagine on yourself, doesn't mean that I am unhealthy. And that is what pissed me off. The fact that it is just assumed that if someone is under a particular weight, that they are at deaths door. It's not the case. I just came in from an 8km run, am eating a huge bowl of oats, and have a banana to eat after that. I eat, probably more than a lot of bandsters around here, and if I was as sickly as my weight is portrayed to be by some people, I would be hooked up to an IV, not out running, and about to eat more than some people do in a day!! I eat the way I do (vegetarian and organic) because I feel almost super human when I do. I exercise the way I do, because it adds to the way I feel. I am alive. I feel better than most people could ever imagine, and the way I look, is just a very nice side effect.

The way I eat and exercise is not driven by a need to be skinny, its driven by a need to be healthy.

And I hate having to explain myself

And to add to my previous thought, the reason I look "skinny" to some people is because a huge percentage of our population is overweight, and overweight is starting to look normal. So when people, who are used to seeing overweight people, see someone who is of a normal weight/BMI, they look too thin.

So, the Olsen twins who are at the lower end of a healthy BMI, DO look too thin, compared to someone who is overweight or morbidly obese

Chickie, I am sorry that you feel like you have to defend your position on being the size you are.. I admire your dedication to maintaing your weight and for keeping it off and for eating healthy.. It seems like you were able to conquer your demons.. I on the other hand am still struggling. I don't excercise and rarely eat healthy, I am what I am due to my same old self-destructive habits. When I was AT MY GOAL, I WAS SUPER HAPPY. Keep in mind that I have been fat or obsese then thin, then thin to fat to obese for almost my whole adult life.. I only weighed 190 lbs when I started and had lost the weight many times, but because I never learned how to kill the fat demon, I had to get the band. FOR ME AND ONLY ME.. 135 was a good weight, I wasn't fat anymore, but i never set out to become what I had never been or could never be at realistically. I got to the weight I though suited me and only me.. I just don't think I should be expected to be at 120 or whatever number on someone's chart, for me and only me that would not work.. Not for you, I have never been speaking of you. Please I haven't been on the board not even a week and already I am misunderstood. I hate that people called you scrawny or ugly. That is just hateful.. I just want you to know that I don't think I am selling myself short by having a larger goal weight than you.

OMG I am so tired of trying to explain myself, I am exhausted.. I am not commenting on this anymore. I apologize if I without wanting to offended

Why on earth would I think that? My goodness.

My own husband is overweight. Not just chubby, but overweight. I don't judge him, so WHY would I judge anyone else? I never, ever said ANYWHERE that people who don't get down to some impossible number as selling themselves short. I always say that any loss is going to improve a persons health, and that is the main goal of being banded.

My health was my main focus. Sure there was an element of vanity in there, I cannot deny that, but I wanted to live a long, healthy productive life. And even a 50lb loss would have gone a long way in achieving that aim. I was lucky, and I developed a fantastic lifestyle, and managed to lose 190lbs. But I would have been just as happy with 50, or 100lbs. Because it achieved my main goal of improving my health.

I would just like to know how you got the impression that I think you are selling yourself short? I mean, I never actually said anything of the sort to you (or anything actually) What am I saying or doing to give people idea's like that?

An example of the rest of the thread

Quote:

Originally Posted by kathystrick

I chose my goal weight based on the weight charts and healthy BMI. I have my goal posted as 165, but at 5'10, I do believe that is going to be smaller than I am comfortable with on my body. I have been down to 225 as an adult and wore a 16/18 and felt quite skinny-collar bones and hip bones poking out, sunken cheeks, sculpted jaw. I just can't imagine my body 60 pounds smaller than that. I will keep my goal weight posted as 165, but as I get closer to that, it is likely to change.

Jachuts response

That's certainly a measure over how different we all are. At five foot 10 myself, I was banded at 240lb. At 225 I was desperately unhappy with what I saw as my enormous weight problem - I had health problems as a result of it too.

I hate to single someone out and because this IS a personal issue and everyone should be able to decide what they want to weigh for themselves. But I just cant not comment here because to me that's a very bizarre thing to say. This is where I really think there's a bit of body image issues to this, I really cannot believe that at 225 a 5ft 10 woman would have sunken cheeks and jutting bones - its still a BMI of 32, heck, its still obese. To think you wont be comfortable being smaller, eek, I dont know, I just see that there must be some reason why you think that - and I think its showing an inability to recognise what healthy weight is meant to look like - its not bony and unattractive its (to use that awful word again) normal!

I really do respect your right to weigh whatever you want but I cannot in any way truly understand your reasoning on this, and that's the point I've been trying to make - I dont argue with it but I cant help thinking that thay's just well, dysfunctional. 225 is obese and I cant understand how anyone cant see that, or why they'd choose it when they have this wonderful tool that makes it possible to achieve a healthy weight.

Please dont take offence at this, its hard to say without sounding wrong, but I am quite baffled by it.

Dr. Ernesto

I Know from previous comments that Chickie made on the thread that she has had some really hateful comments left on her blog, and I can understand why she is upset, I would be gutted, but Mariposa wasnt the one that left those comments.

I think she entered into a lively debate unaware that it had gone off the origional subject ' Why do people set their goal weights so high' and onto ' why do people critise people who are a low BMI'. I dont think that she intended to hurt anyone. Yes after trying to explain she did lose her temper, but I think what was posted was posted out of frustration, I am not saying that I agree with it, Just that I can see how it would happen.

To be honest I found a lot of the thread to be sanctimonious and considering that the vast majority of the people on the board are here because it is the only place that getting down to 200lbs is a cause for major celebration, quite derogatory at times,and actually found myself playing devils advocate because of that, but thats just my opinion!

( I'll go and put my asbestos suit on now )

And just for the record I think that both ladies involved look fantastic!!!!

[Mariposa Bella 3]

Too bad so many of those posts were deleted by the author.

I did not delete many of those posts as you are implying. I replied to a post and was angry and decided to stop then and there and deleted my response. Then someone came after me and said she wished my post was there to reply to, so I did as she asked and replied.

I am however deleting my picture from this thread. I was just offered a great position working for a State Senator and I don't want my picture posted. Hope you understand.

[WASaBubbleButt 41]

I am however deleting my picture from this thread. I was just offered a great position working for a State Senator and I don't want my picture posted. Hope you understand.

I think everyone should be very careful posting photos and too much personal info. You never know who is reading and maintaining your privacy is of value for many reasons.

Congrats on the job!

[green 6]

Yes, a big congratulation from me, too.

[anonemouse 1]

I think everyone should be very careful posting photos and too much personal info. You never know who is reading and maintaining your privacy is of value for many reasons.

Congrats on the job!

Yep, I've learned that little lesson the hard way recently. On one hand, you're here on a trusted site and among friends. On the other, you never know who's reading your posts and who might be a little kooky.