Coping strategies

[MsTipps 314]

So my marriage ended and my children and I are now having to leave what was our family home because he refuses to go... I am pretty devastated as I didn't want my kids to grow up in a broken home but things haven't been right for some time. I discovered he's been addicted to prescription pain killers for 3 years. The addiction part, we could've worked through but the lies and deceit, I don't think there's any coming back from. So, I am looking for coping strategies to avoid falling into the old trap of comfort eating. The last thing I want to do is sabotage my weightloss. I just keep finding myself wanting to eat crap. I have stalled for a week and am officially back on plan as it was a wake-up call for me. I work fulltime in a high-pressure job and have 2 children age 3 and 5 so exercise is already very difficult to work in through the week. Weekends, it's much easier and we do a lot already just the three of us. Anyone got any suggestions for how I can keep myself on track?

[redhead_che 824]

Is there an employee assistance program through your work that offers a certain amount of counseling sessions at no charge? Some employers offer that. As I was reading your post the first thing that popped into my mind was “therapy” and even play therapy for your kiddos possibly. That’s a life changing event and very large transition for everyone. Good vibes for you and your family!

[MsTipps 314]

Yes, I work for the NHS in the UK and there's an Occupational Health department. I might approach them for some support/therapy. I will probably have to go to my GP for the kids or alternatively, seek out private therapists for them which will have a cost but I really want this transition to be as smooth as possible for them. They're the real priority here. Thanks for your advice. It's appreciated.xx

[Bryn910 519]

I do think some therapy would be good for you; most insurances cover it based on your plan of course. I am sorry you have to go through this. But even small walks on part your lunch break can help and be therapeutic for weight loss and mental health.

I hate to pry further and lord knows you don’t have to answer but even though he chooses not to leave, you can have a court order for him to leave being he is abusing drugs with your kids in the home. My mom went through this with my father (I was an adult at the time so no kids in the home) and because he was an alcoholic, the court made him leave. I find it heartbreaking that your kids have to uproot their lives because of your husband

[MsTipps 314]

I couldn't agree more @Bryn910. It's awful that they're having to move but I just felt it'd take so long and cost so much in lawyers/court fees that it'd cause more pain and hassle than just taking them out the situation as fast as I could. I get the keys to our new home on the 27th. I suppose the one good thing is, he won't know where we stay and all contact will be supervised in neutral places.xx

[Sosewsue61 3,185]

Get a good lawyer. Courts can assign child advocates and there can be recommendations that the father pay for counseling. Maybe a support group for parents of divorce in your area - they sometimes have family outings, and can be a resource for other services in your area. How about local churches, too? Sometimes they have exercise groups (yoga) or just family gatherings where your kids can be involved. I really recommend a yoga session once a week for stress.

Walking at lunch is great if you can fit it in. Cook on Sundays for the entire week and just reheat it after work - that way you have less to think about and food is available without temptation. Good luck and chin up.

[MsTipps 314]

I really don't have money for a lawyer just now. Was just gonna separate for 2 years then get a divorce of irreconcilable differences in 2020 so it's cheap. I will look into yoga and the local single parents group. That could definitely help xx

[Bryn910 519]

26 minutes ago, MsTipps said:

I couldn't agree more @Bryn910. It's awful that they're having to move but I just felt it'd take so long and cost so much in lawyers/court fees that it'd cause more pain and hassle than just taking them out the situation as fast as I could. I get the keys to our new home on the 27th. I suppose the one good thing is, he won't know where we stay and all contact will be supervised in neutral places.xx

I understand. I am glad that you got everything situated so quickly and you found a new place. And yes, not having him know where you reside is great.

You seem like a very strong woman and great mom. I applaud you for sharing your story. You never know, it may just help someone else. Stay strong!! You have all of our support and you will come out on top

[Frustr8 7,886]

Ms Tipps I have always respected i your postings but you just grew three or four notches yet. You are. so strong, so collected at a time where many would be wailing, running in circles or stuffing their mouths with bad food choices. I salute you. You are one of the people had our paths ever physically crossed , would claim n you,in an instant as a friend. God Bless and keep you and your 2 little ones.

[brookie 89]

you definitely sound like a strong person.Focus on making the future better for u & ur kids.don’t let this derail all ur hard work,u can do this.You can’t fall apart now,having to b extra strong for ur kids,holding it together at ur high pressure job,i know it’s a lot but u keep on going & u will get u & ur children bk on track & be better than ever.the sunshine will come out again & u will b so proud of yourself & ur children will see how strong & even more amazing u are.u will get thru this & life will b good again,i promise.best of luck to you.0

[okayestmom 232]

I am not sure how the UK works, but in the US if you are located near a University most schools have a Counseling department that do community outreach. This means student counselors that do play therapy either at no charge or on a sliding scale. They are supervised by their instructors. I have seen it make a big difference for many of the younger students I work with. Kids don't generally talk about feelings, they express themselves through behavior when they are hurting (sometimes good sometimes bad). Also, It might be worth going into some temporary debt for a lawyer in order to get some sort of child support (legal temporary custody) while you are waiting for the divorce to be finalized. I'll give a low amount example Child support $300 per month X 24 months = $7200. Lawyer cost $2000 = $5200 spent on children for food, clothing, medical, basic needs, and day care.

[Saddy 11]

Hi there. Have a look at Keto. It’s not too hard and you can still enjoy eating maccers even. Just order it with lettuce wrapping instead of the bun. Keto will lessen your hunger too. You are stronger than you think and will get through this :)

[Jillagain 12]

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