Triggered

[BeeCat 99]

I’m new here so please bare with me. I got my pulmonary clearance yesterday, all looks great. Now just a few cardiac tests and my endoscopy next week before seeing my surgeon again and hopefully getting insurance approval and a surgery date.

A few years ago i had a major medical issue, my aorta decided to dissect and nearly killed me. It was very serious and I ended up having a spinal cord trauma during surgery which means I now have to use a wheelchair to get around much of the time. I’ve doing great, hoping with WLS i can gain much of my mobility back and improve my life.

Anyway, yesterday at the Dr office he was showing me my test results, we were laughing and all was fine until he pulled out my x-ray and said “Wow, that is a really long stent”. referring to the stent they used 6 years ago to repair my aorta. I was struck by such a huge, paralyzing, wave of dread and fear in that moment!!! As if i were made aware for the first time of how close I had come to death! It’s crazy, I know i nearly died 6 years ago, I’ve seen pictures of the stent, I know the results and I am not fearful of death so what the hell???

I managed to hold myself together brush it off with a joke and smile till I left the office but holy crap! I am just shocked by the intensity and irrational feeling of fear in that moment. I hope it was a freak thing. I don’t want to mention it to Dr for fear of screwing up my potential surgery. I already got my psych clearance, thank goodness.

I dunno, it just freaked me out since normally i’m a very optimistic, outgoing, even keeled person. I am not accustomed to feelings of fear or being out of control like that. How weird huh?

Thanks for letting me vent, hoping for surgery cleanse and date soon.

[Coco82 5]

I hope all is well and continues to be well.

[Frustr8 7,886]

@BeeCat welcome to REAL LIFE and all its subtleties. Years and years ago there was a song" These foolish things remind me of you" and it is a frequent occurance, sometimes you see someone, smell a certain oder, even a musical one on I had transformed a portion of unfiinished basement into me a SheCave. Flash flood came, took most of my stuff away.

[Ylime 453]

I think it’s a perfectly natural reaction to be emotional about how fragile life is. Take a deep breath, practice some self care and just know you’re doing the right thing by getting your life and health back.