Modesty question

[TakingABreak 2,733]

I'm going to try and explain this as best as possible.....

Now that you've lost weight, do you feel like you have gained or lost any modesty? The reason I ask is because I have a friend who had RNY a few years ago. She was my inspiration for having the surgery myself. Sometimes I see her and I think, WOAH! I wouldn't ever be able to wear something like that. Or I think, she is so confident. She has loose skin, never had any plastics. Even swimsuits that have mesh sides, or dresses that are skin tight. But she rocks it completely. I always have said that I will maintain my "modesty". I never wore shorts before, so I wouldn't start now.

Please share your opinions!

[Matt Z 4,139]

6 minutes ago, AshAsh1 said:

I'm going to try and explain this as best as possible.....

Now that you've lost weight, do you feel like you have gained or lost any modesty? The reason I ask is because I have a friend who had RNY a few years ago. She was my inspiration for having the surgery myself. Sometimes I see her and I think, WOAH! I wouldn't ever be able to wear something like that. Or I think, she is so confident. She has loose skin, never had any plastics. Even swimsuits that have mesh sides, or dresses that are skin tight. But she rocks it completely. I always have said that I will maintain my "modesty". I never wore shorts before, so I wouldn't start now.

Please share your opinions!

I'm much more open with my skin. I know I'm still "a fatty" but, I'm way less a fatty than I was and it bothers me SO MUCH less now. Like, going to the gym and changing in the locker room. Normally I'd be SUPER QUICK to get a shirt on during changing... now, I don't rush it. Sure those super buff dudes walking in are going to be like.. damn that dudes fat. But, it no longer bothers me.

The way I figure it out. You don't judge a statue by the size of the block of stone, you wait until it's finished before you judge. I'm part way through my own personal re-sculpting, and I give myself a TON of slack for it.

[TakingABreak 2,733]

12 minutes ago, Matt Z said:

I'm much more open with my skin. I know I'm still "a fatty" but, I'm way less a fatty than I was and it bothers me SO MUCH less now. Like, going to the gym and changing in the locker room. Normally I'd be SUPER QUICK to get a shirt on during changing... now, I don't rush it. Sure those super buff dudes walking in are going to be like.. damn that dudes fat. But, it no longer bothers me.

The way I figure it out. You don't judge a statue by the size of the block of stone, you wait until it's finished before you judge. I'm part way through my own personal re-sculpting, and I give myself a TON of slack for it.

I guess my self doubt and body issues are little birdies reminding me that I'll never look good enough to "pull off" those types of clothes. Its a constant reminder that keeps me in check. But I will say, I have allowed myself some more freedom with clothing here lately. My biggest fear is that someone is going to make a comment and take away all the confidence I've built up. We need to bump shoulders so you can rub some of your confidence onto me. I also remind myself that I'm only 4 mons post op. It takes time to see yourself differently.

[Matt Z 4,139]

1 minute ago, AshAsh1 said:

I guess my self doubt and body issues are little birdies reminding me that I'll never look good enough to "pull off" those types of clothes. Its a constant reminder that keeps me in check. But I will say, I have allowed myself some more freedom with clothing here lately. My biggest fear is that someone is going to make a comment and take away all the confidence I've built up. We need to bump shoulders so you can rub some of your confidence onto me. I also remind myself that I'm only 4 mons post op. It takes time to see yourself differently.

No joke, I still don't see this body as mine when looking through my eyes. In the mirror sure, but I find myself getting caught off guard on occasion, like, this stomach can't be mine it's so much flatter than mine is, or I've taking photos of cigars i'm smoking and I'm like... that's not my... yes, that is my hand. It's crazy!

[TakingABreak 2,733]

7 minutes ago, Matt Z said:

No joke, I still don't see this body as mine when looking through my eyes. In the mirror sure, but I find myself getting caught off guard on occasion, like, this stomach can't be mine it's so much flatter than mine is, or I've taking photos of cigars i'm smoking and I'm like... that's not my... yes, that is my hand. It's crazy!

it's so true about photos! I can see it the most in them. But the second I look in the mirror, I feel defeated. Which is bizarre because it was the complete opposite before. I hated taking pictures. Now I'm the selfie queen. My husband rolls his eyes.

[Orchids&Dragons 9,047]

10 minutes ago, AshAsh1 said:

I guess my self doubt and body issues are little birdies reminding me that I'll never look good enough to "pull off" those types of clothes. Its a constant reminder that keeps me in check. But I will say, I have allowed myself some more freedom with clothing here lately. My biggest fear is that someone is going to make a comment and take away all the confidence I've built up. We need to bump shoulders so you can rub some of your confidence onto me. I also remind myself that I'm only 4 mons post op. It takes time to see yourself differently.

We have probably all been body-shamed and it leaves scars. We have a history of being pretty mean to ourselves, too. I think we're all just going to figure this out as we go along. Sadly, even super models and actresses are constantly attacked, and they're smokin' hot. Just let her relax for an afternoon and forget to suck in her tiny tummy and some tabloid will be posting headlines about her baby bump! There are always hateful people out there and we need to learn to deny them any power over us.

[YeahOkay31 651]

I have always dressed a certain way, regardless of weight - don't like it, don't look. But for the most part most people who have looked liked! Confidence goes a very long way. I think I am the sh*t, therefore I am. With that said, I also dress for my body type. I am an hourglass figure, bordering on pair. Accent the waist, the boobs, the hips. My thighs have always been huge so I have never worn shorts or skirts above the knee. I also have huge arms, so even in the summer they are covered. And frankly, I don't see it changing. I think I am always going to dress the way I do now, only the sizes will change. It might be modesty, but it what I am comfortable with.

Edited June 8, 2018 by YeahOkay31

[TakingABreak 2,733]

Thanks for the input ladies!

[Pearldrop 164]

8 hours ago, AshAsh1 said:

Thanks for the input ladies!

I’ve always dressed for comfort and style that suits my figure. I have an hourglass figure, that has ballooned over the last 10 years. I started treating myself with food treats, moved to an office job and got my drivers license.

When I was younger I wore short shorts, minis, tiny string bikinis etc.... now, my shorts and skirts are closer to my knees than my butt, and I wear a tankini with little shorts. This will continue as I shed the weight.

If I was younger... I’d go for the short shorts all over again 😀. As long as You are comfortable in what you are wearing you will rock it

[Little Green 583]

I gave up hiding in "fat clothes" in 2011 after a toxic relationship break-up. I wear bathing suits, sleeveless shirts, short dresses, whatever I want. I don't purposefully try to show off skin, but I just wear what I'm comfortable in. I figure if you don't want to see it, don't freakin look! I'm sure this trend will continue as I lose weight, lol...

[Frustr8 7,886]

I remember reading,about one of these Hollywood ladies, mind you I always thought she seemed petite, everything,constructed fine and a size I could envy. She had a small birthmark, maybe like one or two others there , think of Cindy Crawford although that's not who it was. It loomed large in her mind, whined in an interview. This spot no bigger than a pencil,dot, well to her it was the,size of Mount St Helens, stuck,up farther than Piles Peak. So,now when I see something I think,is big and obvious , I'm going say like Matt Z (thanks for the thought) I am a statue,still being refined and perfected, and when the masterpiece of me is completed, well I'll set the Art World back,in their heels. And I won't be locked away in a drafty museum, I'll be living breathing and rocking the🌏!

[sillykitty 10,775]

Very interesting question Ash!

I think for me it will be in two phases, pre and post plastic surgery

As I'm losing now, I am feeling comfortable in clothes that are more figure hugging than before. I'm still mostly covered up, but I am really liking the shape I have (in clothes!). Like for instance I'll wear leggings out to the grocery store, which I never would have before. I think this will continue as I lose down to goal. I like my shape, but I don't like my lumpy, bumpy, saggy bits.

After I have plastics, I'm not really sure. I'll just have to see how I look. I would love to be confident enough to rock a bikini, which I never was even when I was young and normal weight. I feel like I will get good results from a Tummy Tuck and breast lift/augmentation. I have friends that have them, and they look amazing, a seriously totally flat tummy. My thighs are my biggest worry. I don't want to do more than an inner thigh lift plus Lipo. I know that won't get rid of all the lumps and cellulite. So I imagine I will still want to keep my thighs covered. One of the things I am most looking forward to is being able to wear a different style of business clothing. I live in fit and flare dresses, wrap around dresses, flow-y blouses, anything to disguise my tummy. Once my tummy is flat I so want to wear sheath dresses and pencil skirts!

[GreenTealael 25,358]

I still wear the same type of clothing because I'm still the same type of person

[oopsydaisy 40]

This is an interesting question. I still like some of the same styles. Before surgery, I boasted to my husband about all the cute new clothes I was going to buy. I fantasized about how fabulous shopping was going to be when I could choose most anything in the 'normal' section, rather than the picked over dregs in the plus sizes. It turns out that shopping for new clothes has been the hardest part of this whole experience. I avoided it until everything was literally falling off of me. I had a hard time wrapping my head around smaller sizes for my body. As I'm coming to terms with this (thanks to my hubby who ushers me to the right sizes), I find that I'm getting more 'fitted' things, rather than oversized flowy things to hide in. I'd say that's much less modest.

[KateBruin 344]

I bought shorts for the first time in at least 10 years. Started with 4 in inseam and now I wear tiny booty shorts to HIIT and 2.5” inseam shorts. I have bad inner thigh stretch marks but I don’t care! I worked my ass off (literally) to get the legs I have and I’m certainly going to flaunt them!

Bought my first swimsuit since pool physio in 2007. It’s a 1 piece but I’ve had 4 abdominal surgeries, one 3 months ago (hernia repair) plus have loose skin so a bikini won’t ever happen.