Need HELP gaining Husband's support!

[minerals13 0]

Hi everyone! My husband is loving & supportive of me, but is definately playing the devil's advocate on my decision to do the lapband. I'm 56, in good health except for mobility, joint pain, feet & knee pain from my 300 lb+ weight. My BMI has been 50+ for ten years or more. I've talked about lapbanding off & on for about 5 years and he has always said no way.

In August I discussed with him again & he said if our family doc gave his blessing, he would give his. Long story short, doc said he would rather I try something else first (like I haven't tried everything presented in my adult life!!!!), presented all the risks, etc. IF later I decided on the lapband, he would agree. After I got over my bubble being burst, I joined Weight Watchers and have lost 10.5 lbs in 8 weeks.

A couple weeks ago I made my decision and discussed w/husband. His response "if you know you are strong enough to make this decision and do all the work to make this successful, ie the liquid prep and post op, exercise, discipline, etc., why can't you use that same strength you know you have, and do it without the surgery?" ouch It's not that I have not thought of that myself......but I do not know HOW to answer that question to make him understand. And maybe I'm looking for an answer for him that isn't there.

I want this and I would really like to have his understanding full support. Not sure that is possible.

Any suggestions would be SO appreciated!

Sorry for the long message.

Carol:help:

[Cota129 0]

I've had that very same question asked today by my mom. My answer was that, over the years, I have tried every tool known to man and they worked temporarily. I look at lapband as a permanent tool that will help me be successful FOREVER!! The only blessing that you need is your own. Do what you think is the best for you.

[Telecia 1]

I haven't been banded yet but maybe he doesn't totally understand the whole diet thing? Sure probably everyone on this board has dieted in the past but those were temporary SHORT fixes.

What happens??

We fall off the diet wagon cause something tempts us or we get tired of only eating <insert your choice here> Or any of the thousands of other reasons we stop our diets.

Then we gain it all back and some more to boot.

Its not quite like being a smoker or alcoholic where you can pretty much avoid it. Heavens sake its food we have to have it to live.

Unlike most of the diets the band is a long term tool. It doesn't replace anything. You may not be able to eat everything you want to but most can just in WAY SMALLER portions. Its still up to you to eat right though. But its gotta be way easier to recover from a binge or falter of 1 cup of food or less then when not having the band.

I know my other half didn't like the idea of surgery. But he's seen what its like in a way. We tend to argue allot somedays because even though he's just barely overweight he can't avoid the candy/sweets even though hes diabetic. And he works at walgreens so he's around it all day long. And he cannot resist the temptation to buy that candy bar or candy. And i'm not there to tell him no. (candy I can avoid my problem is carbs) lol

But after having him read more about the band hes now behind me 100% to get it.

And is making a better effort to knock off the sweets for himself. And eat better right beside me.

Suggest he come here to the boards and read and research with you. Maybe if understands more he will be more supportive.

[Sades 4]

I don't have a partner so for me it was my own decision whether to do this or not. It's not an easy decision to make but having someone else putting pressure on me would have made it even harder. I think it is a decision you need to make for yourself... you can take your husband's views but in the end it is your life... whatever the outcome. What if you don't do it and you end up having a stroke or heart attack, will that make him feel any better. Either way, he is afraid of losing you. You know that dieting hasn't worked for you in the past... I have been dieting on and off since I was a young teenager. I wasn't grossly overweight but always had a weight problem so I know my own body and what it needs. Of course my family were worried about the operation as I was but now that I am at the other end of it I am glad I went through it (of course even more so after the pain etc go away!! :confused:)

Talk to your husband about his fears and your fears and you will probably come to a reasonable conclusion about all of this.

[minerals13 0]

Thank you all for your thoughtful responses! I know I have to do this for myself and that is the bottom line. Thanks again!

Carol

[minerals13 0]

Testing 1 2 3 my signature ticker

[minerals13 0]

It worked! How exciting....I'm so NOT savvy on this. But, watch that butterfly fly.

[snagrammy 0]

I hear Ya!!!. I've been overweight my entire adult life. I've lost and gained too many pounds to mention. Tell him....YoYo dieting is not good for your body either. I have a sister-in-law that lost a kidney from YoYo dieting! My husband tells me to show self control! He's a diabetic with blood sugars 3 times the norm, has a 42 inch waist on a 5'7" frame....but I should so self control!! I want to be comfortable and healthy...not a size 2!