Anxious - Lonely - No Friends to Support My Journey

[BajanSleeve 244]

5 hours ago, MissFish said:

I know exactly how you feel. I have no friends in real life and my family don’t know about my decision for wls so I have 0 people to talk about it to. I also find every group or online community I join I just don’t seem to fit in to the cliques. I can chat to one or two people but I never fit in with the groups. It feels like these days everyone either has friends and doesn’t need or want anymore or everyone is too busy to want to dedicate any time to it. I’m single too so I don’t have any partner to talk about it to. I’m completely alone on this but I’m always happy to chat to people.

Miss Fish, welcome to this forum. Have you tried doing a google search or even a Facebook search to see if there are any local Bariatric or WLS support groups that meet in your area? Online forums are great but really and truly face to face groups are ideal. Also, have you ever tried going to therapy? Honestly I am a huge advocate of therapy having gone through it at various stages in my life. They will help you get to the root of your challenges and confront some of the reasons why you have used food as a comfort and crutch. Its important to deal with that because even after WLS those drivers are still going to be there. My pastors have also done great counselling with me over the years that have really helped me heal and pushed me to grow to the next level. By any chance do you go to church, synagogue, etc.?

Hopefully you will find a place to express yourself on this website and get some encouragement along the way. Hugs from Barbados

[Born in Missouri 1,264]

I was mentioning to another new buddy (privately) that my bruising is extensive. My whole belly is black and blue, and a few other colors! An outline of South America is on the left, and Africa on the right. I think I see Barbados somewhere, too.

I had no drain, so there was nothing to remove. My incisions are coated with a clear seal of some sort. They are each about one-inch long. They are tender but they do not hurt. I'm going to visit my primary care physician tomorrow to look at my incision sites since no one at the hospital bothered. My primary used to be an ER doctor, so she is fearless!

My daughter got me the hydration/electrolyte tabs you suggested. Thank you MUCHLY.

[nurse4126 19]

My belly is very bruised as well. 1st night post op while in the hospital, one of the incisions leaked a large amount of bloody drainage ( think bed change😬). Definitely a hematoma in that spot. So now I believe that’s all healing- resulting in this beautiful multicolored abdomen. And it itches like crazy!!!! RNY was June 11.

[BajanSleeve 244]

What the heck!!???? What kind of surgeons did you have? Its making me feel that my decision to go to Mexico was really a smart one. I am shocked that you guys did not have a drain in the main incision that the stomach would have been removed through. Its just a tidy and safe way of making sure you don't get infected and all that guck is left inside you

So glad you are going to your doctor tomorrow @Missouri-Lee's Summit because that sounds a mess You are not supposed to have that kind of bruising from laparoscopic surgery! That sounds like shoddy work to me. See what your doctors opinion on it is and take some photos as well. You can add that to your letter of complaint because it does not sound to me as though this is right - unless a pre-existing condition causes you to bruise

[Orchids&Dragons 9,047]

9 minutes ago, BajanSleeve said:

What the heck!!???? What kind of surgeons did you have? Its making me feel that my decision to go to Mexico was really a smart one. I am shocked that you guys did not have a drain in the main incision that the stomach would have been removed through. Its just a tidy and safe way of making sure you don't get infected and all that guck is left inside you

I didn't have a drain, but I didn't have any complications, either.

[Born in Missouri 1,264]

I showed up at the ER of the hospital where I received my bariatric surgery. I didn't hold back telling the ER staff about my experiences. They were all shocked and angry. They all insisted that I file a formal grievance.

I don't take blood thinners or aspirin, etc. I just tend to bruise. Heavily. My surgeon is very experienced and the surgery was a success. The disaster had to do with not treating me as a chronic pain patient and a bariatric patient in unison. I brought PAIN with me to the hospital, just like I brought my coconut Chapstick. Focusing on the bariatric patient in me and neglecting the chronic pain patient who shared my body was the tragedy. It was also unforgivable that my belly was never examined by my doctor or the hospitalist before discharge. I literally went from the recovery room to my inpatient room and was discharged the next day without seeing my doctor or receiving a discharge exam by the hospitalist, by a nurse, NOBODY. Apparently, the hospitalist only dropped by to discuss my pain-management grievance.

I had a drain with my gallbladder or knee replacement surgeries (I can't remember), but not with this one. I suspect that my surgeon uses a different method. Different is not always bad. Again, the surgery was a success... but to make sure that no one else has to go through what I did, I was encouraged by several nurses at the hospital to lodge a grievance. My only goal is to see that protocols are changed. I don't want some nurse getting in trouble. The hospitalist was obviously trying to save her own butt, and, I believe, wouldn't hesitate to try and throw some nurse under the bus.

[countryrae2001 8]

I too went through the horrors of childhood sexual abuse starting at the age of 4, and it continued on,eventually transitioning into rape when I became older. I tried therapy many times,but it never worked out for me. I can't count how many times I've heard the whole "how does that make you feel" speech... I lived my life in fear, and eventually I believed I conquered it. Married with a child, but I put on my weight, perhaps as a guard? Now I decided to go through with the surgery because I lost sight of who I am. I can see myself beginning to shine through again slowly but surely, but with it comes the fears of my past. They must be defeated once and for all,somehow...?

Sent from my LM-G710VM using BariatricPal mobile app

[Born in Missouri 1,264]

@countryrae2001. I sent you a private message. Click the word balloons in the upper right corner of your profile page.

[Born in Missouri 1,264]

🙏 🎤👏 🐞

[mhysteik 8]

Yes that sounds like something we have all been familiar with at some point or another. YEsssss get rid of the dress and retire it. You have lots of friends here, but also consider this for the future. Look into group support where you are having your surgery done. If they don't have them then maybe that is a good goal for you to work towards and actually may find a lot of friends from your area having the same support issues

[TakingABreak 2,733]

On ‎06‎/‎19‎/‎2018 at 1:24 PM, countryrae2001 said:

I too went through the horrors of childhood sexual abuse starting at the age of 4, and it continued on,eventually transitioning into rape when I became older. I tried therapy many times,but it never worked out for me. I can't count how many times I've heard the whole "how does that make you feel" speech... I lived my life in fear, and eventually I believed I conquered it. Married with a child, but I put on my weight, perhaps as a guard? Now I decided to go through with the surgery because I lost sight of who I am. I can see myself beginning to shine through again slowly but surely, but with it comes the fears of my past. They must be defeated once and for all,somehow...?

Sent from my LM-G710VM using BariatricPal mobile app

As a survivor myself, it sounds like you may need some professional therapy to help cope with the long lasting affects. I personally did EMDR to help with my PTSD, as a result of the sexual abuse. I was extremely skeptical, but it really works! Send me a PM if you want more info. Hugs!

[psmith7513 25]

I am 100% beside you all the way I was sleeve on March 22

[Born in Missouri 1,264]

My life has changed drastically since my surgery almost a year ago. I still suffer from body disphoria in that I still see myself as a fat person. I still look for clothing in the plus size sections. I keep thinking that I'll need a few extra "fat uniforms." Wearing a mere XL is still unfamiliar territory. I still seek out the loose, baggy look with arm holes too big and my garment sliding off my shoulder. I continue to wear long dresses. I have not worn jeans or any style of pants for years. I don't see myself wearing pants again until I reach my goal weight, even then I see myself wearing a long tunic style top to cover my butt and legs. I'm not sure if I view this as modesty or as a continuation of fat-shaming myself.

I continue to be proud of myself but this is a little hill that I still have to climb. I'm being patient with myself. I know it takes longer for some people to come to terms with their "new body." The other day someone said to me (rude when I recall it now), "I didn't know that you had a neck."

[Born in Missouri 1,264]

I can't remember the last time I weighed myself. The only time I feel comfortable weighing myself is when I believe my bowels are empty.

[Frustr8 7,886]

Yeah, I feel the same way, I want credit for every lost ounce, this is a difficult trek that i am on, working hard to get to that finish line.