Anxious - Lonely - No Friends to Support My Journey

[Born in Missouri 1,264]

@AshAsh1. You are such a sweet person. Very eloquent and compassionate. The way I see it, people like you are the gift.

[TakingABreak 2,733]

3 minutes ago, Missouri-Lee's Summit said:

@AshAsh1. You are such a sweet person. Very eloquent and compassionate. The way I see it, people like you are the gift.

That is so incredibly kind of you to say! Thank you.

[Born in Missouri 1,264]

@Orchids&Dragons . Uh, you're not getting away with a comment like that without more elaboration. What organs?! Some are more vital than others, of course. I've had my gallbladder removed. Is that one of yours?

[Frustr8 7,886]

now I'm curious also. By the time one enters my decade of life,one has disposed of :gall bladder, appendix,tonsils adenoids. a breast or 2, a kidney or OMG 2 and most if not all of your female organs. And a hip, 1 or 2 knees,and even maybe an ankle fused. Fair to say, every thing has been removed or surgically stabelized, and here you are knocking on the front door of the BAriatric God's begging to have your gastrointestinal system monkeyed with. And that is the portrait I see being painted.🎆

[patriciaguirre22 11]

New girl in the app over here too but you have my completely support! You can do it girl👊🏻👊🏻

[BajanSleeve 244]

I'm new here but wanted to welcome you to this forum where from what I can see you will be encouraged. Good for you for making the bold step to get surgery! You and I started around a similar weight. I was a few lbs more. I understand what you said so well - just wearing the same thing - feeling so frustrated that is difficult to make the effort. But you know what? You did make the effort and you have begun the steps to a new life! All of us here 'get it', we understand the obesity struggle

I hope that you are able to get some therapy and counselling assistance. Sounds like you have some things you have been through that surely you have looked to food to comfort you through it. I have not had such terrible experiences as you, but I have had trauma. Those things are root reasons to why we use food as a crutch. Working through the emotional issues is equally important as WLS so that we do not return to old habits rooted in our emotions. Are you able to access therapy?

Praying a safe surgery and looking forward to celebrating your progress with you. Hugs.

Edited June 11, 2018 by BajanSleeve

[Orchids&Dragons 9,047]

2 hours ago, Missouri-Lee's Summit said:

@Orchids&Dragons . Uh, you're not getting away with a comment like that without more elaboration. What organs?! Some are more vital than others, of course. I've had my gallbladder removed. Is that one of yours?

Sorry, not nearly as interesting as all that! My sister (we're about the same size) and I always joked that we weren't really fat, we just had rotten parts that had swollen up to 80 lbs or so and once they were gone, we'd be normal sized. Well, turns out neither one of us had an 80# uterus or 80# tonsils. In addition, she didn't have an 80# gall bladder, and apparently the portion of my stomach they removed wasn't 80#s either. We're starting to run out of easily-disposed-of organs and still haven't determined the source of that extra 80#s. Curious, huh?

[RHCD 241]

Congrats on making the decision for not only surgery and the changes it entails but also for saying you need help! Seriously it’s a a great step.

I’m also in the camp of finding a therapist to help. I spent some time earlier (not related to my sleeve) on working with a therapist on how I establish boundaries (with myself and family) but also how do I find friends as an adult (in a healthy way). Also helped me deal with some PTSD from childhood... basically I need more tools than I had and my therapist helped me build and use new ones.

[Born in Missouri 1,264]

I've had 100+ hours of therapy at http://mocsa.org a few years ago. I was of "normal" weight then. My weight gain took off after I fell down some steps and mangled my right ankle. I had one unsuccessful surgery on it. Later, two ankle reconstruction surgeons told me there was nothing more they could do. I was sedentary and very depressed after that. It doesn't help that I have an autoimmune thyroid condition.

I'm not suggesting that more therapy might not help me but a sedentary lifestyle really derailed my ability to walk or do much in the way of weight-bearing exercise. It's been 10 years since I injured my ankle. Morphine is the only thing that even gets close to taking the edge off the pain. (And I tried many other non-narcotic meds first, plus holistic treatments. My PharmD daughter finally explained to me that being dependent on a narcotic for actual pain relief is different from being addicted to a drug when no physical malady is present.) Taking 300mg of morphine per day doesn't give me a "high"; it just helps me move around without writhing in pain. I also take oxycodone for breakthrough pain. Believe me, nobody WANTS to rely on powerful meds like these. It's weird to say, but I often welcome competing sources of pain (gallbladder surgery; lipoma removal, or even my knee replacements) to help keep my brain confused about where the pain is. I expect my bariatric surgery to be no different. There's nothing that my surgeon can do to my body that can overtake the pain I live with everyday. Boo-hoo me.

[Orchids&Dragons 9,047]

6 hours ago, Missouri-Lee's Summit said:

I've had 100+ hours of therapy at http://mocsa.org a few years ago. I was of "normal" weight then. My weight gain took off after I fell down some steps and mangled my right ankle. I had one unsuccessful surgery on it. Later, two ankle reconstruction surgeons told me there was nothing more they could do. I was sedentary and very depressed after that. It doesn't help that I have an autoimmune thyroid condition.

I'm not suggesting that more therapy might not help me but a sedentary lifestyle really derailed my ability to walk or do much in the way of weight-bearing exercise. It's been 10 years since I injured my ankle. Morphine is the only thing that even gets close to taking the edge off the pain. (And I tried many other non-narcotic meds first, plus holistic treatments. My PharmD daughter finally explained to me that being dependent on a narcotic for actual pain relief is different from being addicted to a drug when no physical malady is present.) Taking 300mg of morphine per day doesn't give me a "high"; it just helps me move around without writhing in pain. I also take oxycodone for breakthrough pain. Believe me, nobody WANTS to rely on powerful meds like these. It's weird to say, but I often welcome competing sources of pain (gallbladder surgery; lipoma removal, or even my knee replacements) to help keep my brain confused about where the pain is. I expect my bariatric surgery to be no different. There's nothing that my surgeon can do to my body that can overtake the pain I live with everyday. Boo-hoo me.

I'm so sorry to hear that. Please don't give up on someday improving enough to get off pain meds. My brother had been on morphine for 8 years for chronic pain and, like you, he hated it. He often "slept" standing in the hallway leaning his head against the wall because of the agony. Just in the last 3-4 months he started with a new pain-management doctor who has gotten him completely off morphine and he's feeling so much better. I'm not saying that your cases are the same, just not to give up hope for relief.

Exercise-wise, our nutrionist/physiologist had us in a class where we were doing chair exercises. I was sweating my butt off. She teaches that because so many of the patients getting surgery weren't sufficiently mobile to walk for exercise yet. So maybe that's a possibility? Can you swim or exercise in a pool?

Love the fun avatar!

Edited June 12, 2018 by Orchids&Dragons

[Born in Missouri 1,264]

I'm familiar with many non-weight bearing exercises and have no problem working out that way. Walking was my preferred form of exercise before my injury. I also enjoyed making a fool of myself dancing to oldie music in private.

I keep up on all the new research in pain management. Meds like ziconotide (Prialt) which is derived from marine cone snail toxin. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ziconotidehttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ziconotide There is also research exploring the powers of yeast to aid in pain relief for those suffering from moderate to severe pain.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4924617/

[Born in Missouri 1,264]

@Orchids&Dragons Yes, It is a fun avatar, isn't it? Much better than that big capital M with a green background. I was pleasantly surprised that I was able to upload an animated gif, too.

[BajanSleeve 244]

Lee's Summit - I think a lot of people may not get how exhausting and emotional chronic pain is . My heart goes out to you. You have gone through A LOT but yet you persevere and press on. Admirable

[Born in Missouri 1,264]

@BajanSleeve Thank you for your kind words of acknowledgment and support. Tomorrow is my surgery. I'm #3 on the surgeon's OR schedule so I have to wait until around 1 o'clock for my turn on the table. I feel okay. Joining this forum was just what I needed. I feel as though I'm getting a big group hug from people who not only understand and empathize with me but wish me well. So many beautiful people here... It's ten minutes to midnight. Time for me to stop my liquid diet and prepare for tomorrow. I hope I don't forget anything like my glasses or C-pap. I better start packing now.

[BajanSleeve 244]

1 minute ago, Missouri-Lee's Summit said:

@BajanSleeve Thank you for your kind words of acknowledgment and support. Tomorrow is my surgery. I'm #3 on the surgeon's OR schedule so I have to wait until around 1 o'clock for my turn on the table. I feel okay. Joining this forum was just what I needed. I feel as though I'm getting a big group hug from people who not only understand and empathize with me but wish me well. So many beautiful people here... It's ten minutes to midnight. Time for me to stop my liquid diet and prepare for tomorrow. I hope I don't forget anything like my glasses or C-pap. I better start packing now.

All the best for your big day tomorrow. Don't forget Chapstick, oral rehydration gel (will save your life!) and if you can take an electric heating pad that really helps 48 hours out of surgery to comfort the pain in your belly. I took GasX which really helped 2nd day even though the nurses did not want me to (wanted me to walk walk walk the gas out) I am so glad I took day 2. Do you have nausea Patches? I had the surgeon put one on me right out of surgery. I had NO issues with nausea and it worked great.

You only NOW packing? girl you are certainly not Type A like me LOL I was packed 3 weeks in advance ha ha.

I hope you got good earphones and an ipad or something to listen to some nice music or a youtube inspirational message as you wait.

Hopefully you can post in a few days to let us know how you are doing