caretaker needs help

[spouseToGastric 4]

Hi I am married to a man who has been on some kind of diet since I met him over 30 years ago. pills, calorie restriction etc have never worked. At 310lbs he and he is at risk Healthwise. So tommorow is his surgery. I will be his caretaker and I am also an RN but have no experience at all with bariatric patients. I know the textbook versions but I am wondering about the TRUE patient experience that might help me anticipate his needs and post op feelings. If Im prepared I can soothe him and look for anything that needs to be addressed. You are all brave people and I admire your courage! I am from the opposite camp and once had anorexia before anyone knew what it was. It was due to my fathers death. I am thankful to be healthy weight now. With will power all can be overcome. Any advice? Thank you!

Edited June 4, 2018 by spouseToGastric

[Mattymatt 491]

This is a tough question to answer because each person's post-op experience is radically different. I was fine for the first 5 weeks and then I developed a stricture and an H. Pylori infection. The next four weeks were utter misery. It was nice simply having someone able to help out with chores like laundry and meal preparation. My best advice is to simply be there for your husband and ask him if there is anything you can do to help and offer help as well. That alone will be the best that you can do. He could have a really smooth ride and be ready to head back to work in two weeks, or it could be a little more drawn out like my recovery.

I am just now ready to go back to work and I am planning to go back to driving tractor trailers because work is plentiful. I lined up a gig with Schneider and I start again on July 2nd. Now that I am 63 pounds lighter from my heaviest, I'll bet getting up and down those truck stairs will be SO much easier.

[Bryn910 519]

I agree with MattyMatt...everyone’s experience is different. Of corse you’ll be doing simple things like laundry, maybe getting him things that have fallen or out of reach, helping with first shower maybe etc.

Emotionally, it helped for my husband not to eat around me for the first few days but then I got use to it simply because I had no desire to eat. It will also help if you just give words of encouragement when you go on walks. That helped me a lot. For me, I also got bored beyond words. It helped that my husband took me to the parks in our area for walks or just sitting and feeding the birds. As I felt better, we went to movies etc. so just see if he is up to things of that nature when he is feeling a bit better

[Matt Z 4,139]

Like Matty said, it's going to be on a case by case basis. I didn't have any issues, like at all. I was doing and getting everything I needed done the day I came home. I wasn't allowed to pick anything up over 10 lbs, so having someone home to do those things came in handy, but other than that, I really didn't need anyone.

You'll know pretty much everything you need to once you are briefed by the surgical staff the day your husband gets released.

Good Luck!

[Sosewsue61 3,185]

If you are the grocery shopper then stick to healthy food choices for awhile - don't cook pizza, don't eat chocolate in front of him, etc.

Switch to small plates and bowls for you both, you can grab seconds or eat in between away from him. Don't put drinks on the table.

He may have food aversions, some of us suddenly find eggs intolerable or something. He might eat too fast, or not chew enough and food will get stuck, he will get 'foamies or slimes' and will need to spit it up. It can be embarassing.

Plan Snacks for traveling, take ready-made Protein Drinks and Water in a cooler at all times. You can get busy and forget to eat and the next thing you know, BAM - you are shaky and need something.

SF popsicles, Decaf tea, Bone Broth, ready-made blue raspberry Isopure and ready-made Premier Protein were my choices after surgery. Fluids are the main goal in the beginning because dehydration can come on fast. Sip sip sip, carry liquids everywhere from now on.

And don't constantly watch him eat, or be a hovering food cop. Ask instead of assume.

Good luck and bless you for being his support.

[spouseToGastric 4]

Big thank you to all! the advice you gave fills some gaps beyond simple instructions they give in the literature. he is in the OR as I sit here reading this! xo

[Sadiebug 206]

Best of luck to your hubby - hope everything went perfect! A few things I would add to the great advice others have given here. I personally got very upset when my family and friends hid their eating from me or changed their eating habits because of me. It made me feel extremely guilty and emotional. So on that front I would just ask him what he would prefer (and that may change day to day!). The other big advice I would give is to talk about things other than his surgery and weight loss and make time for activities that are unrelated to surgery/weight loss. After the first few weeks I came to dread having to talk to people about how I was feeling and how much I had lost and how much I was or wasn't eating/drinking. My husband was great about not bringing it up unless I did and he just treated me "normal" (again, unless I was saying I wanted something different).