Can it be a secret?

[lessismore1001 30]

So, I had a band 10yrs ago and nobody knew about it. I never had a very high bmi - around 36 but looked very big. After the band I lost minimal and have just eaten badly due to the vomiting. I am back up to original weight and am going in for a revision.

I think I have decided on the RNY due to reflux and one surgeon said that the first restrictive didn't work on my so why do another. I am pretty nervous to do such radical surgery but the band has to come out.

My questions are... I understand the first months or 2 are really obvious..but after that, is it possible to hide RNY surgery from people? Not talking about the weightless, talking about the going out to restaurants for meals etc. Obviously I know I can only order appetizers. My friends always meet for meals - breakfasts and lunches etc. Even if not a big meal it's just usually convenient for people. Is it realistic to not want to make it public? Should I suck up the reflux and have the sleeve?? I know most of you tell but I am pretty private with personal stuff. Am single mother and would just rather keep it to myself. Help....

[Biddy zz 🏳️🌈 1,003]

Hi there! Welcome!!

I had my band out just before Christmas and revision to RNY. Best thing I ever did!

Yes you can keep it secret. The first month or two isn’t hard at all (esp if you are ‘on leave’ for the op itself). Within a week you’ll likely be up and about, many return to light duties. I needed 3 weeks but had full open 5 hour surgery.

I am 5 months out. NOW it is hard to keep it secret! I look normal. People who saw me 3 months ago when I was 20 or 25kg weightloss didn’t really notice - but the last 10kg I have gone from chubby to normal - and it is dramatic. NOW people are asking if I am well etc.

If you want to keep it private, and I did because I am a sort of public figure, then in those early months make it clear you are dieting hard, on a high calorie restriction diet like optimist (All will be true, so no problem!) and also have people see you exercise. I do the stairs at work, 7 stories, and people see it and talk - positively. All of this is not RNY specific - any optifast-type severe calorie diet will do the same - my strong recommendation is, use that early food-restrictive time to get people used to “you’re gonna get thin’ - and double benefit is you’ll find some buddies who will help you stay on track with it all!!

Good luck!

[Myaiku_Kuraitani 245]

It's possible to keep it a secret. Many people do, just like many people are open with it. Like the previous person said, it is hard to keep it a secret because people WILL pry. I've had people ask me, "Do you have an ED?"

"You look so thin... Do you even eat at all?"

"What kind of surgery did you have to lose all of your weight?"

And the list goes on and on...

I usually just give most people a half truth and say I've just done a strict diet and exercise routine. Sometimes, depending on where you go, you won't even have to order appetizers. I order seafood like cod dishes and those are usually small. I just eat that and whatever I don't finish (which are usually the sides, I'll either take home or leave behind).

If you have reflux, I wouldn't really risk getting the sleeve although some people have said to have had reflux, got the sleeve and then no longer had reflux after that so the results are different for everyone I suppose.

Personally, I'm a private person and have tried to keep my surgery to myself but... Some people in this world have big mouths so whoever I did tell and trusted not to tell anyone else appeared to have had loose lips.... (I told people in my immediate family and word got out).





Hw-273
Sw-226
CW-124
GW-130
Size- 2, Small in sweats. Small in shirts. depends on how it's cut or made.
Bra Size- 34C

Surgery Date- April 26th, 2017
RNY
"Only those who try will become" FFX

[Pearldrop 164]

Hey there. I’m not telling anyone, only my husband knows. I have started laying down the ground work for when people start to notice. Rejoined the gym, walking at lunch and have told people I’m dieting. I suffer from reflux now, my surgeon is fixing this as part of the procedure.

[Healthy_life2 8,324]

Is it realistic to not want to make it public?

I also did not disclose my medical procedure. Only told my family and support people.

It's hard to keep a secret or hide rapid weight loss. Once people see your body changing.. They may speculate cancer or bariatrics....Let them speculate. It's none of their business. You don't owe anyone an explanation.

_______________________

Some things you may experience:

Weight loss phase:

Your weight loss seems to be that topic of conversation. It's annoying and uncomfortable at times.... You will get questions on how you did it, people ask for weight loss advice, comments on the way you look, comments on what you are eating and the amount you eat.

Maintaining:

Once you get to your goal/maintaining. Weight loss stops being the topic of conversation.....Life is normal.

[mrsb305 3]

of course I can as long as you work out the little kinks that would have caused people to think you had it done

DOS: 1/21/12
SW: 367 LBS
CW: 185 LBS

[mrsb305 3]

Yes you can keep it to yourself just make sure you work out the extra that comes with it

DOS: 1/21/12
SW: 367 LBS
CW: 185 LBS

[Orchids&Dragons 9,047]

If you want to keep it secret, tell NO ONE. My husband spilled the Beans to his sister within a few days (she's a nurse) because HE needed support. (Don't discount this possibility). I had told my boss and a friend at work (she had had bariatric surgery and was kind of my inspiration and source of information). Well, she was hospitalized for an unrelated problem for several weeks and during one of her phone conversations with HER boss, she asked if I had had my surgery yet. She just wasn't thinking. I do understand, a month in the hospital can scramble anyone's brain. Long story short, her boss didn't know it was a secret and congratulated me for my quick recovery/back to work in front of an interdepartmental meeting! Stuff happens!

Edited May 20, 2018 by Orchids&Dragons

[BostonWLKC 807]

Ive kept mine a secret. Only my husband knows.

I started by telling people I was starting a diet once I started going to appointments. After surgery- of course they noticed me eating differently . I’ve stuck with the eating plan which is what I’ve told them- eating Protein every 3-4 hours in small portions, increase Water etc plus going to the gym more frequently

[Matt Z 4,139]

On 5/20/2018 at 2:38 AM, lessismore1001 said:

So, I had a band 10yrs ago and nobody knew about it. I never had a very high bmi - around 36 but looked very big. After the band I lost minimal and have just eaten badly due to the vomiting. I am back up to original weight and am going in for a revision.

I think I have decided on the RNY due to reflux and one surgeon said that the first restrictive didn't work on my so why do another. I am pretty nervous to do such radical surgery but the band has to come out.

My questions are... I understand the first months or 2 are really obvious..but after that, is it possible to hide RNY surgery from people? Not talking about the weightless, talking about the going out to restaurants for meals etc. Obviously I know I can only order appetizers. My friends always meet for meals - breakfasts and lunches etc. Even if not a big meal it's just usually convenient for people. Is it realistic to not want to make it public? Should I suck up the reflux and have the sleeve?? I know most of you tell but I am pretty private with personal stuff. Am single mother and would just rather keep it to myself. Help....

I had the band installed in 2011, and whereas I lost 70 lbs then, it just stopped working and ended up causing more issues in the long run. I revised to RNY March 21, 2018. I was nervous as well, but, it was the best thing I've done and I really wish I did it before.

Now, to your questions. It's going to be hard for you to just hide your new eating requirements. You can keep it to yourself, but, you might get questions about why you are not eating breads, or sugars, or high fat foods. If you haven't researched it, the bypass can (and does) cause dumping if you eat certain foods, dumping sucks. My nutritionists hammer the 5/5 rule. If the food has added sugar, then it can't have more than 5 grams of sugar per serving, and fats should be less than 5 grams per serving. This is harder than it looks at first because of how many foods have added sugar that you just wouldn't figure would. So, ordering appetizers (which are typically bready or fried) might not be the best answer. But you can eat a nice side order sized salad with some grilled chicken and balsamic or other dressing that would fit your personal restrictions.

I've eaten a whole slice of pizza, took me a while, no dumping or major issues, except I felt like crap shortly afterwards, very run down and drained. It's a major lifestyle change. Not to scare you off, I wouldn't go back to eating the way I did for any reason at this point.

Don't think you can't enjoy yourself, oddly (for me anyway and it seems most people are the same) I have ZERO problem with natural sugars. So, I could sit and eat a ton of strawberries and not have a single issue. Plus there are the whole taste changes that seem to happen to folks. For me, I can't stand the taste of things that are too sweet or have too much added sugar in them anymore.

So, bottom line, you can flub a bit, tell folks that you've made an eating habit change, which isn't a lie exactly, and that's why you are eating differently, but that's really going to depend on your friend/family base if that answer is going to appease them. Good luck on whatever you decide!

[Johnny2Thumbs 29]

I'm only a couple months out but I know how you feel. When I first got the surgery I told everyone I was getting my gallbladder removed and needed to be on a special diet. I'm at the point now I could care less what people think. I tell them I had gastric bypass and it rid me of diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol and sleep apnea. I've actually received a lot of encouragement.

As for hiding it when you're out eating. I think everyone is different. I experience no dumping at all, even when I eat sweets (which I don't really do anymore). The taste of sugar just doesn't appeal to me much now. Neither does fast food. They'll likely notice when you only eat a couple of bites and are full. I also get a to-go box when I place my order. And whatever you do, don't overeat. I made that mistake twice when I was out at a restaurant and was so incredibly close to vomiting at my table. Walking around helped almost immediately.

Embrace the new you and don't worry about what others think. You're getting this surgery for you and not them. If your friends can't support you, they probably aren't friends worth having.

Good luck!

[lessismore1001 30]

Thank you all for your really informative answers.

Matt Z am really curious - why do you think you felt so sick after the pizza - does that fat have the same side affects as sugar?