Can't stop dwelling on mistakes. I want to move on...

Kele_Kana · November 1, 2007

So I've cheated...several times. But I'm DONE. I have vowed to stick STRICTLY to doctor's orders (yes, as I should have to begin with, I know), but now I canNOT stop thinking about what I possibly could have done, or have done, to my band and stomach. I want nothing more than to move on, but I can't with these terrible thoughts in my head.

My band is empty, so I know that's why I feel no restriction, but is that the only reason why? Do I no longer feel restriction because I've stretched the pouch and can now take more in? I followed doctors orders word for word until about 3ish days into mushies (yeah, not long at all), when I decided I was just going to "test myself". What a load of sh** that was. So yes, after reading a thread on cheating, I've woken up and realized that I potentially could have screwed it up for myself completely. I've never been so disappointed in myself. Seriously, EVER in my life...and I've done a lot to disappoint those around me.

I'm not sure what I'm looking for in a response here. Perhaps some words of encouragement? I dunno...

...please help.:think

Resa

MC Cindy · November 1, 2007

I took a bit of a tumble myself. I was banded 2 days before you so I think we are experiancing the same kinda of **hungry** . I felt awful also, like i cheated myself and got really down on myself. I at least curbed my craving and I then I got back up on the horse and started *tomorrow as a new day*

Kele_Kana · November 1, 2007

I would love nothing more than to do the same, but I'm having trouble with facing the unfortunate, perhaps deserved, reality that I may have done something to my band and/or stomach. When you decided to get back up on the horse did you assume your 'insides' were fine or did you get it checked out?

But you're absolutely right, tomorrow's a new day and I do realize that dwelling on my mistakes aren't going to help me. I just need something to put my mind at ease so I can move on w/o the guilt I put upon myself in the past. I plan on calling my doctor today...

Errr...I hate me right now.

MC Cindy · November 1, 2007

How badly did you cheat, What was it that you ate that you are afraid you may have damaged something? I am at the 3 weeks post op stage so I can go into all solids next week (i am a week early though) lol

Kele_Kana · November 1, 2007

How badly did you cheat, What was it that you ate that you are afraid you may have damaged something? I am at the 3 weeks post op stage so I can go into all solids next week (i am a week early though) lol

Are you currently signed into AIM? Would you mind msg'ing me? My SN is kimoleka.

No worries if you don't want to...

VegasGrace · November 1, 2007

Your post has helped others...sticking to doctor's orders is so important.

I did, but I am not on a special diet. I eat whatever, whenever...as long as I can tolerate it.

I'm just over 20lbs from my goal and having my pouch stretched.... that could have been me!

Luckily, I slime like crazy just as soon as I get too much down...and that happens pretty fast. So many think sliming is a bad thing...but I appreciate it. Lets me know when to quit.

Resa, hate you've had to go through this...but consider it a lesson learned. And just a bump in the road on your journey. Keep us posted on how things go for you.