Unsupportive mother

[XYZXYZXYZ1955 675]

3 hours ago, elforman said:

If I lived my life based on the feedback I get from family and friends about my life decisions either I'd have killed myself or killed all of them, a long time ago.

I needed that comment today, thanks! I've been living like a nomad for the past six months and I had to explain to my brother, AGAIN, that I need to get back to my former stomping grounds so I can be near my doctors. Seriously, is that so hard to understand??

[tuckersmom 42]

No matter the age we always want our parents approval. I am 54 years old and go thru same issue with my parents. I woke up in my hospital room after being opened up and closed right back up. I still had to recover and was so devastated to find out I hadn’t had the surgery! My parents came to visit me and as they sat in my hospital room my mother tells me this is all crazy and that I should just get some diet pills. Real supportive!!! Nevertheless less, I am still going to have the surgery. My body, my choice. Period.

[Frustr8 7,886]

And I will cheer you on, Tuckersmom, you are a wonderfully special person and I am happy our lives touched on Bariatric Pal.😜

[Hannah83 214]

3 hours ago, Creekimp13 said:

My mom was terrified of the surgery. She's a master in the art of worrying and guilt. LOL.

So, heading into it...I made a point not to bring it up too much or expect her support because I know her anxiety is tough for her.

After surgery, she became incredibly encouraged about it and has cheered me on.

Sometimes, with people who love us....fear and anxiety can play into their ability to support an elective surgery.

Just sayin.

In a perfect world....all of our people would have our back....but people feel how they feel.

Ultimately, it's our responsibility to make the best choices we can for ourselves...with or without their blessing.

Yup this is it right here...my dad was very worried, and for good reason. I haven't had any of the 'regret' because I had two years of hard thinking and working before I had the sleeve done. My dad is very supportive now, he's just being a concerned dad. I've not had anyone unsupportive post the surgery, and those that were worried are not any longer. They see that 'Hannah is still Hannah' The hardest part has been my meds post-op, harder than the physical healing aspect. But I'd do it all again because, on the whole, I feel so much better with 60 plus pounds off my frame. Even more so to come, it's been a gradual loss and I've liked that.

[Diana_in_Philly 1,426]

11 hours ago, lokaaaal8888888 said:

does anyone here have parents or husbands ahl are like this? so I guess the only people I’m telling is my two best friends

So - didn't tell my mother, didn't tell my sister and I was 56 when I had my surgery. I knew my mother would be negative. I knew my sister wouldn't understand. I told my husband, my two teen daughters and my two besties. That was it. (Of course, my docs, but they don't count). My mother died 8 weeks after my surgery never knowing and it was OK with me. Your story. You own it. Never let anyone tell you any different. (PS - I weight less now than I did when I graduated college - I'm down 110 pounds and never regretted my decision.)

[azmassage2000 7]

So I’m will probably have the sleeve sometime in June, every time I’ve talked with my mother about it she’s extremely negative and discouraging...dictating to me I shouldn’t do it and usually leaves me in tears....I’ve decided that at 30yrs old, I will have this procedure without her approval because I cannot continue to allow her to dictate how I should I should live my life does anyone here have parents or husbands ahl are like this? so I guess the only people I’m telling is my two best friends

My mom is one matter of fact I told her how I lost 20 pounds so she said oh so u do t need the sleeve see. The fact is I always lose in summer and gain in winter don’t know what it is. She is always saying how she is against it. I finally decided I will not tell her anymore. You can give your mother an altimatum to either support you and ur decision because you are a grown adult and ur life is important to u or you will just not tell her about what is going on in your life. The min I told my mother that she backed off and decided to listen and support she is coming in for surgery to help with the kids and dogs

[Creekimp13 5,840]

11 minutes ago, azmassage2000 said:

The fact is I always lose in summer and gain in winter don’t know what it is.

Be sure to have your Vitamin D level checked if this is the case.

[azmassage2000 7]

Be sure to have your Vitamin D level checked if this is the case.

Yup I know about D cause I have crohns and it’s already a malabsorption issue they do labs every 8 weeks I have D infused I am trying to get off that and go on pills now that it’s been stable for 3 years

[t1018ross 116]

My mom has been unsupportive as well. She keeps telling me I should be able to do this on my own and I'm just being lazy. On top of that, she started dieting after having her aortic valve replaced and will call me to brag on the weight she has lost "naturally". I'm 40 years old and don't need this crap. My dad is much better about it but he did sit me down at Christmas and tell me he thought I was being selfish because what would happen to my 3 young kids if I died from complications? Talk about a guilt trip! He's since come around but it's hard to deal with all the negative feedback you get. I've only told 3 friends, my parents, and my husband's parents. I know it's hard to do something your parents don't approve of (even though we're adults!) but ultimately, it's your life and your health and you need to do what is best for YOU. Good luck and I hope it gets easier!

[doingit4me2017 93]

I had my sleeve over a year ago and i have never told my mother, she would see it as a failure that I could not lose the weight on my own. Which is sooo wrong. Bariatric surgery is a tool, YOU have to continue the course, be active, maintain a healthy diet to keep the weight off. It's not a golden ticket to being skinny forever. If you have done the research, have decided that you want to improve your overall physical and mental health then have the surgery. then do it. I hope you have other support people in your life.

I am a grown married woman with grown children. You need to do what you need to do to be healthy,make your own choices. Thank goodness my husband and children are supportive, I wish it would have done it sooner.

[azmassage2000 7]

To fight the weight battle and be successful u have to get ride of everything toxic in your life. The toxicity will cause old habits to come back. Once u fight the battle and feel u are completely in control introductuce it back in ur life. If you ever watch my 600 pound life there families are so toxic and most fall apart after surgery because the person that gets he surgery is ready to heal. The ones hat don’t fall apart go back to the way they were. food is a strong addiction and the problem is u can not quite it cause u need it to survive. So battle your life do what is best for u. It’s time to say what is best for me and not worry about no one else. Because in the long run our weight might eventually kill us. Lots of therapy here before I got to this point and this is when I New I was ready for surgery. I am controlling my life and I do t care what people say I will be here for my grand babies

[clsumrall 535]

My mom came with me to the seminar and my consult with the doctor....let’s just say...it didn’t help AT ALL, she’s pretty much stuck in her ways. I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place because I cannot imagine having a procedure like this and not informing her. I mean I would eventually tell her post op....Lucky for me she lives in California and I live in Maryland so she wouldn’t know...it’s just doing it secretly kills me

It’s not that it’s a secret. You are making an Informed adult decision and no longer require her input or agreement on your choices and decision. Be true to yourself. You are free

[TropicalBeachDoll 70]

I know the feeling very well. My family is against me having surgery. I just mentioned it once and received a lot of back lash . I am keeping it to myself between 2 best friends my husband and wls group. All the support you and I need .

[Frustr8 7,886]

azmassage2000 has your mother relented any or is she still holding on to the My Daughter Doesn't Need Surgery" position?

[azmassage2000 7]

azmassage2000 has your mother relented any or is she still holding on to the My Daughter Doesn't Need Surgery" position?

She did it again this week. She dose not understand why if I have lost 40 pounds and I have always been under the BMI why I need it. I simply said Mom it goes up and down and my blood pressure is really high (it was when I lost 100 pounds and at 180). I need something to help my hunger pains it bothers me to always feel hungery. I know I will get more when she gets here before surgery she says it’s just because I am her baby. But she still dose not understand