I hate it when people post just to post.....

[BethFromVA 5]

I was just gonna ask you when I'm gonna get my Sponge Bath......

I want one too. From KC's hottie neighbor boys. Both of 'em. I'm still a big girl.

[DivaStyleCoach 89]

PJTP...

Thanks for the laughs...on my way to bed...

Thinking of a tipsy Slim trying to type and spell-check...

A flirty Beth with two hottie body slaves washing her gently...

HH with a grey beard calling for his nightly sponge bath...:wink2:

Lulu in the middle of the ghetto...though the way you describe yourself, some might say you have a 'ghetto booty'...:eek:

KC - when I COULD drink alcohol, I was always good for the sweeter stuff. Started with rum and cola because the cola masked the alcohol; Long Island Iced Tea, when made correctly, will sneak up on ya, because you don't really 'taste' the alcohol; Wine coolers were always good...

Night yall!

[BethFromVA 5]

A flirty Beth with two hottie body slaves washing her gently...

Hey hey HEY!! Nobody said they have to be gentle.

[krtork 0]

Speaking from experience - people go a little nuts in the hospital, meds, lack of sleep, lack of normal routine, the medical processes going on in their body and countless other factors. It always cracks me up when the 90 year old grandpas or priests and nuns start cussing at anyone who walks into their room or stripping in front of anyone - the patient usually has no idea what they are doing and doesn't remember it in the future - but their poor family and friends are just distraught.

On the other side though are the dirty old men who can't wait for their nightly bed bath and insist they are just too weak or tired to do it themselves - DISGUSTING!

ewwww! horrible visual!

[krtork 0]

Beth when you are done with your sponge bath, please send the boys my way!

[BethFromVA 5]

Beth when you are done with your sponge bath, please send the boys my way!

Erm... I'm verrrrry dirty. Disgustingly so. And so is my body.

[BethFromVA 5]

Okay, I was laughing my ever lovin' butt off at the site I posted earlier. Obviously this guy finds ads on places like Craigslist and jacks them around. Some of it is freakin' hilarious! This one had me laughing until I was crying:

Original ad:

**********HEY YOU THERE*************-$1500

HELLO I AM LOOKING FOR A FORD EXPLORER!I NEED A TRUCK SO IF YOU ARE SELLING YOURS AND IT HAS NO PROBLEMS WHAT SO EVER THEN LET ME KNOW. I'M A SINGLE MOTHER OF 3 BEAUTIFUL GIRLS AND WE NEED A WAY TO GET AROUND WHERE NO BODY WILL BE ALL CRAMPED UP AND A EXPLORER WILL DO US JUST FINE. I'M LOOKING TO BUY AROUND THE END OF OCTOBER IF YOU HAVE ONE THAT YOU WANT TO SELL THEN GET AT ME A.S.AP.

(the ad also had a picture of her posing for the camera, like that is necessary for an "auto wanted" ad)

Me to SHANIQUA ***********

Hey there! I saw your ad and I think I have the perfect car for you. I am selling my 2001 Ford Explorer Eddie Bauer edition. It is a great car and I hate to see it go, but I need the money to pay off my 2nd DUI fines.

Only 72,000 miles! Here are the features:

- CD Player

- Intact windshield

- Rear tires

- Spare tire

- New windshield wipers

- Beautiful white exterior paint

- Cloth interior

It was in a very MINOR fender bender, however, and will need a few repairs. As you can see from the picture, you may need to replace the passenger-side mirror and headlights in order for the car to pass PA inspection. I took it to a mechanic, and he said that the mirror is fixable.

I was selling the car for $1800, but due to these minor issues, I will drop the price to $1750.

Thanks,

Ryan Jackson

Attachment:

SHANIQUA *********** to Me

Hi I'm sorry I can't afford to buy your truckit looks really nice and I would love to be behind the wheel of it but I can't afford it.My budget will only allow for me to spend 1500 sorry

(she obviously didn't realize there was a picture)

Me to SHANIQUA ***********

tell you what, I'll bump the price down to 1500, but I get to keep the CD player and the passenger seat. and I will clear all of the change out of my ashtray.

this car is a great deal. I've included a picture, check it out and please reconsider!

SHANIQUA *********** to Me

WHY WOULD I BUT A PIECE OF JUNK WHY FOR WHAT YOU BETTA BET IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[BethFromVA 5]

He does good on the car ones. Here's another:

Original ad:

i am 17 years old and looking to buy my first car! if you have a good, cheap and reliable car for a student please let me know. thank you!

From Mike Anderson to ***********@*******.org

Hey there!

I saw your ad and have a great car for a young driver such as yourself. I am selling my beautiful 1992 Toyota Camry. This car is almost perfect. 148,342 miles on it. I need to go to Wawa tomorrow, so that mileage might change. I'm estimating it will be somewhere around 148,347 miles. If this is a problem, let me know and I will ride my bike to Wawa.

The car has a few MINOR problems but nothing too bad:

- The ashtray is stuck shut from when I accidentally spilled a beer on it. I think there is like $2 in change in there, so if you can open the ashtray, it's all yours.

- Due to a bad trip in Philly, I no longer have a radio. I run an old boom box through the cigarette lighter, however, and it sounds great. It is a 1986 Sony Cassette player. I'll throw in a Raffi cassette tape for an extra $10. The tape is Raffi in Concert with the Rise & Shine Band, and is an excellent album.

- The glovebox is locked and I lost the key to it, so it won't open. Unfortunately there was a tuna sandwich locked in there, and you can smell it in the car. It isn't that bad if you light some incense. I dropped a few sticks of incense between the seats, you can have them if you find em.

- The hood latch is broken and the hood will occasionally fly up and hit the windshield while driving. The windshield is currently cracked from the last time this happened, but the crack isn't that bad. In fact, it helps air out the stench of the tuna.

- Needs new front and rear brakes. The ones on there don't really stop, but if you give the emergency brake a good tug it should take care of everything.

- There is a hornets nest somewhere under the hood. I have no idea where. Occasionally a hornet will blow in through the air conditioning vent, but I will include a fly swatter above the visor.

- There is some blood on the passenger seat and all over the side of the door. If you are ever pulled over and the police ask about it, just tell them the previous owner hit a deer. Don't say who I am though.

- I bought the car from someone who replaced the original horn with a freight train horn. It is really loud and I don't recommend using it, I have caused several accidents with it.

Besides these problems, this is a great starter car for any young driver! I actually call it the "ladies mobile" because the chicks dig it.

I am asking $6000 for it, but am willing to negotiate.

Thanks,

Mike

From joey ******* to Me

hey thanks for the offer! $6000 sounds like a little much for that car. my dad only gave me a $4000 budget, would you be willing to take that?

From Mike Anderson to joey ********

Son, you obviously have no experience in buying vehicles. When I said I was willing to negotiate, I meant I was willing to take more money for the car if you wanted to give it to me. Minimum is $6,000. Talk to your dad, and he will tell you that this car is a once-in-a-lifetime deal. He'll be pissed if he saw that you passed this up.

Mike

From joey ******* to Me

What the hell is wrong with you? That car is a piece of s***! Stop e-mailing my son, you moron.

[BethFromVA 5]

And:

Original ad:

litter of 6 kittens up for adoption! they are all 3 weeks old and are looking for a good home. contact if interested.

From Mike Hunt to *********@***********.org

Hi,

I am interested in taking all six kittens off of your hands. How much do you want for them?

Mike

From Shannon ******* to Me

Mike,

Are you going to take care of all of these kittens? I want to make sure they all find a good home, and was expecting to sell them one at a time. Are you able to house all six of them?

From Mike Hunt to Shannon *******

Shannon,

To be honest, I own a pet Bengal Tiger and he is on a strict diet of cats. I usually feed him one cat every couple of days, so this litter should hold him over for a while. Don't worry though, I'll take good care of the kittens until I feed them to him.

Mike

From Shannon ******* to Me

That is horrible! You will not get a single kitten from me. I really hope you are not serious.

From Mike Hunt to Shannon *******

Shannon,

I was kidding. I seriously need all six kittens though. Disregard anything I said about a tiger.

From Shannon ******* to Me

NO.

[BethFromVA 5]

Sorry, y'all, it's the most laughing I've done in some time.

[kcmagu 3]

HH - In your dreams!

Funny thing is - everyone I work with say I give the best baths - I bring in soaps, washes, lotions, shampoos, etc from home (hospital supplies are crap) so that everyone smells good - everyone gets hair washed and blown dry, most nights you get a foot massage and a back rub when I change the sheets. Teenage girls will sometimes get a manicure or pedicure.

I refuse to let me patients smell bad if there is anything I can do about it.

[krtork 0]

HH - In your dreams!

Funny thing is - everyone I work with say I give the best baths - I bring in soaps, washes, lotions, shampoos, etc from home (hospital supplies are crap) so that everyone smells good - everyone gets hair washed and blown dry, most nights you get a foot massage and a back rub when I change the sheets. Teenage girls will sometimes get a manicure or pedicure.

I refuse to let me patients smell bad if there is anything I can do about it.

Damn, if I ever have to go to the hospital I am coming to your hospital and requesting your floor. I could use a good pedi right now, I have garden toes - eww!

[krtork 0]

Sorry, y'all, it's the most laughing I've done in some time.

These are hilarious!

[Kat817 19]

I love mojitos - I sometimes cheat and go 1/2 and 1/2 with seltzer and a diet lemon lime soda.

I am actually allergic to several alcohols (no vodka or schnapps for me) and for this reason I think my body has always had a natural aversion to alcohol in general - I genuinely don't like the taste and have had to work very hard to be able to drink (how messed up is that) I basically only drink sweeter drinks where you don't taste the alcohol as much.

People with the TAS2R38 genotype have a heightened sensitivity to bitter taste. Their genetic makeup includes a gene discovered in 2003 that controls the presence of receptors for a bitter-tasting compound called 6-n-propylthiouracil (PROP).

Scientists believe that the presence or absence of this gene can help account for individual taste preferences and eating habits. A study published in February 2005 found that children who had this gene were more partial to sweet beverages and foods than those without it (though this effect seemed to wear off by adulthood, when race/ethnicity was the strongest determinant). Researchers theorized that these children may be less likely to find vegetables palatable, which could limit their intake of important nutrients.

On the plus side, an earlier study suggested that those with the TAS2R38 gene were less likely to indulge in underage alcohol consumption, experiencing it as more bitter and irritating than do those without the gene.

Nutritionists hope that this type of information will help improve dietary planning for children.

We were just discussing this on another thread I am on regularly. It was a subject on a Nova Science program. It was common among the group of us, that those of us who disliked broccoli, cauliflower and brussel sprouts as kids, were also the ones who disliked bitter alcohols. And some of them who really liked those foods, even find swishing VINEGAR in their mouths to NOT be horrid!

There were of course exceptions to the rule--but it was kind of interesting......

Not of course as interesting as hot handy men, or sponge baths given by hot handy men, or giving sponge baths TO hot handy men......deep, deep sigh.......

[kcmagu 3]

Very interesting - I like broccoli but not the others but don't think I liked many vegetables as a kid - but love them now - I don't know - could be me.

To vodka and schnapps it is an actual allergy though - not like any my doctors are aware of though - I actually look like and feel like someone who is having a heartattack. Actually any time I drink alcohol - I will get a mild reaction (feel like i did a 2 hour strength workout for the upper body) it's just those 2 alcohols that give me the bad reaction.

I actually had a friend once who thought I was making it up - and gave me a Jello shot that she said was made with rum but was actually made with vodka - i was on the floor in 5 minutes and out of commision feeling like I was going to die for an hour.

Vodka cooked in sauces is ok though.