I hate it when people post just to post.....

[krtork 0]

Beth~ so sorry to hear about your situation. I agree with what Tap and Ebony are saying, you need to make plans to get out and move on with your life. You will be so much happier once you make the move! But make a plan and stick to it.

If you are planning on going to school, make sure you talk to the financial aid office and get all the grants you can get! There is a bunch of money out there so take advantage of it. That is the teacher in me speaking :crying:

[BethFromVA 5]

Beth~ so sorry to hear about your situation. I agree with what Tap and Ebony are saying, you need to make plans to get out and move on with your life. You will be so much happier once you make the move! But make a plan and stick to it.

If you are planning on going to school, make sure you talk to the financial aid office and get all the grants you can get! There is a bunch of money out there so take advantage of it. That is the teacher in me speaking :thumbup:

I have already tried for grants or scholarships. Right now I don't qualify because of what he makes. I can't even get a subsidized loan. :crying:

[krtork 0]

I have already tried for grants or scholarships. Right now I don't qualify because of what he makes. I can't even get a subsidized loan. :crying:

Oh, that is the pits. When you leave him, you should be able to resubmit the FAFSA with the change in status and get then you should be eligible for the grants/scholarships.

I wish you luck with this!

[kcmagu 3]

Hang in there Beth - I agree with the others - make preparations now. Making plans and being prepared to leave now doesn't mean you can't change your mind later - but I think your heart already knows what you need to do.

:crying:

[luluc 6]

hell of a time for my house & isp tower to get hit w/lightening last night - SO much PJTP. back to the living:

Hey, if your DH is an engineer, doesn't he like to do repairs/renovations around the ranch? Every engineer I have ever known, regardless of specialty loves to putter and fix.

KC - Sadie is a cutie.

Lu - Red is also a cutie...I do admire his restraint in not trying to climb the tree to get at whatever he's staring at, or trying to rip branches from the tree. Every lab I've known or owned has had something for branches....

while DH is an engineer & did all the design work - his putter & fix only applies to electronics. he built a music studio & media rm....and that he handled 100%. the rest of the house he "designed" but could care less how it comes to be.

re- red, he will sit under a tree watching squirrels ALL DAY long. loves to chase them - i'll find one half dead from fright sitting right next to him ... he'd never bite into one.

I had a doggie fight this weekend. There was a stray lab (and labs are my weakness) and I brought her into the back yard. She was all happy go lucky one second, then attacked my boxer the next. .

i saw the pics on FB - how is the babe today?

so unlike a labs behaviour, but the streets probably allowed for aggression to settle in.

The thing is, I'm not even mad anymore. I'm just resigned.

to me, this is worse than the anger/tears.

when the emotion is somewhat out and your just "whatever" - the checking out stage i call it.

while i have no experience with what your having to deal with - i am truly sorry. the ladies above gave great advice, financial autonomy is where i would concentrate most.....however that's managed.

[gone 4 ever 6]

Lu, sorry about the lightning strike. I know how much gets destroyed when something electrical gets hit. My dad's place got hit once. Outside light in the yard, ran into the house and just about all things electrical had to be replaced after all the wiring taken care of.

Beth, I am so sorry about what you have been putting up with all these years. It is breaking my heart. Everything that Tap and Ebony said is great advice. get yourself set up financially. If you need to get away I have a spare room. We have great colleges here. I have a dear friend who won't leave her hubby because of the vows she took. I am a Christian, but there are issues (I personally think) that after you do everything humanly possible, God knows you have to get out of the marriage. My thoughts and prayers are with you hon. I am serious about the room.

hello everyone....

[ThePoolGirl 1]

Dear Beth,

I realize I haven't been a PJTPer very long, but I LIKE you and have since I started reading your posts :crying:. I'm so sorry for what you are going thru. (I agree about deleting the story.) I'm sorry your weekend wasn't great and then to come home and be faced with that....hang in there. Since I work from home (and am not really working again until Sept.), I am free days and evenings if you need to talk and no one else is around. Send me a PM and I'll give you my "good" email address.

Hugs and good thoughts heading your way,

Laura TPG

[ThePoolGirl 1]

PJTP

It would take forever to quote all the stuff I've read today! So, I agree with everyone on everything:smile:. Good advice, lots of support, etc.

TPG

[heartfire 4]

You guys have no idea how excited DH is at this harebrained plan; honestly, he was checking out the prices of used camper vans and trailers last night! I of course am the witch...dear, what about our mortgage and this house? May be great for the short term, but there's no retirement benefits, etc What about the cats?

You could do this part-time OR sell it all off and go full-time. I know people who do. There are a couple in our church. Take the cats with you! It is very doable if you're serious about it!

*Oh Glouc! Your poor baby! I'd call Animal Control on them again! The cat thing would've been bad!

*All of your dogs are so cute! I love dogs!

Have to go get ready - going to have Breakfast with my young hot friend before he goes to the airport - so sad!

Have a nice breakfast! Sorry he's leaving! Ummm, no incentives for him to NOT leave or to come back ASAP!???!!

*Oh Beth! I'm so sorry! Tap and Ebony and Kristen, all have given you great advice. I agree it's all about YOU now. No one else. Make your plans, follow through on your arrangements and GET OUT! If you need anything, let me know. I'm offering you a place to stay for a break, if you need it. We have good colleges in our area but you have to travel at least an hour to get to any of them so that's not reasonable for you. BUT if you need a break, somewhere different, with lots of nature, my place is open to you. I even have a little car you can use while you're here. My heart is breaking for you. I know how serious you took your vows, same as me. You'll have to reconcile that with yourself later but know that you are making a good decision for yourself.

(((HUGS))) to you Sister! :smile2:

PJTP: DD did pretty good in her first day of swim class. We'll see how the next few days play out.

Off to fix dinner. Made the potato salad earlier and now it's off to make the meatloaf.

Have a good evening. I'll try to BBL.

[kcmagu 3]

I am so bad. I have this cute single neighbor/friend - we talk all the time. I cook/bake for him or bring him servings/leftovers all the time (as I do for most of my neighbors)

He has been wanting me to host a fajita party for the neighbors. I had all the fajita meat marinating for the boys who were going to do the work - but they had to cancel at the last minute.

Soooooo - I called him this evening and said - hey want to come over and have some fajitas.

Of course he said yes - so we ate, drank beer and watched the finale of the bachelorette. Then I pulled out desert - grilled peaches w/ homemade vanilla ice cream and rum caramel sauce.

It was fun - sadly he just left- he has to be in bed by 10 - meets w/ his trainer at 0600.

2 out of 3 meals spent w/ hot men in one day - :smile2:

[gone 4 ever 6]

KC...maybe I need to come visit you! All these hot men!:smile2:

[Kat817 19]

Beth, so sorry you are going through this, never think you are going it alone tho.

All the advice has been given---I agree with it all. The lack of emotion is a give away to me, that you have been drained of all desire to live this way any longer. I understand you took vows you want to honor, but I also feel like to stay and know that in order to do so that you would in essence have to look the other way---is like condoning it, and surely THAT is not what a loving and forgiving God would ask of you. I accept myself, feeling that God did not expect me to sit at home and accept whatever diseases my 1st husband who was out sleeping with everyone around was going to bring home to me. Nor did he expect or want me to stay married to #2 and see if next time he succeeded in killing me, with his beatings. God give me the ability to look out for myself. And I did. And you will.

Some religions do not believe in medical treatment, that God will save you if it is meant to be. Personally I believe he (God) gave some the talent and intelligence to help save me and I am going to let them!

I like your friend, found myself with husband #3----who I had went to school with since 4th grade! I resisted marrying him for years, lived with him instead, convinced if we married, things would change. We married, nothing changed, he is the one for me. We too laugh and make our kids cringe with our open loving actions with one another. I am sorry I did not get to spend my young years with him, and give birth to his children---but I am so thankful to have him now----I KNOW he would wipe my hiney if in my old age I could not. And he would not tell anyone he had to do it.

He considers my DD his. He calls and checks on her like he does his 2----he takes care of her, and gets irritated with her just the same. Ironically of all the kids she is the one "accused" of being most like him!! LOL

You mention that you come across as curt on the computer----maybe it is because it is in a way part of the enemy! He surfs it for porn. You may have been taking crap from him to keep the peace at home, but the computer is not gonna get away with anything! To it, and on it, you can say what you want, and not give a damn if anyone likes it or not, it is not going to affect your life like the one surfing on it does.

If you feel a need for a road trip----NM is nice, and I am just minutes from the Colorado border, and some nice quiet mountains.

You have lots of options for getting away where no one knows where you are at. Might think about utilizing them!

I think from the sounds of the issues in the past, your DD will understand, and be less likely to put up with crap herself if she sees you stand up for yourself in this situation.

You have tolerated a lot for a long time, do not act hastily now. Bide your time, build your case, and your nest egg. If something convinces you to stay---no harm done.

I will PM you my email, make yourself a folder and email any of us details you want to discuss without putting them out in front of the world, and possibly him.

Hang in there.....I will tell you I have felt far more alone in a room with someone who was not right for me, than I have ever felt when sitting alone in a room. If that makes any sense. You are supposed to feel alone if you are, but not if you aren't.....I get the impression you have gone it alone for awhile emotionally.

[Fanny Adams 7]

I wouldn't call that bad! I'd call that LUCKY YOU!! :smile2:

[kcmagu 3]

they're here - just don't know what to do with em - so I cook. I'm ever the friend

[Gracey 7]

Okay, seriously, Beth.

Why are you still with him? What's the reason that you haven't left yet?

Glou wins the "get to the point" award for the day.

Whether you stay or go or expel him; whether you go to school or to work...whatever you do, start the preparations for living separately now. If you have not already done so, get yourself your own bank account; your own credit cards without his name; remove yourself from any accounts etc he is carrying; find every penny you can because if you separate there will be costs of all kinds to bear; document everything, and take care of yourself first!

The way you are living is unhealthy in all ways. You first.

Aaaaaamen, Tippity Tap. One of my gf's did that to her ex. Get everything straight and organized and then BLAM.

they're here - just don't know what to do with em - so I cook. I'm ever the friend

Glou might have a suggestion on what you might could do!!! :crying::smile2: