I hate it when people post just to post.....

[*slim* 2]

Ebony/Beth-I agree with everything that has been said. I am right there with both of you with the insecurity. I finally made another appointment with my therapist. She deals primarily with eating disorders. I found her in October of last year. I went to the first appointment and never made a second. I finally made another appointment last week. She gave me some papers to bring home to look over concerning self esteem. We figured out fairly quickly that I truly have low self esteem. I am letting my past (including past with DH) color my future. I am tired of being that woman. Of course, we don't even want to get into the hormonal part of this.:rolleyes2: I allowed myself to be the fat friend/wife/etc. I no longer know my place, and neither does anyone else. I used food to dull the pain of disappointment, loneliness, etc that I don't know how to deal with the emotions that I am feeling. I have snuck back into emotional eating, but it doesn't help since I can't gorge myself. Right now, life sucks. Ok, pity party over (I'm talking to myself here). We can do this! None of us jumped into this weightloss thing lightly. There has to be some inner strength that finally made us wake up. We have just got to find that core of stregnth and nurture it back to good health along with our bodies. We are wonderful women (and men) that deserve healthy, happy lives. We have to shed the old insecurities along with the pounds (I know, easier said that done). We have to pick our own selves up by the boot straps (where did that saying come from anyway:confused:).

Edited June 29, 2009 by *slim*

[BethFromVA 5]

No pity party, Slim, them's the facts of this journey for many of us. You are talking to/about me as well. The habits/choices we used to get to the points we did don't automatically go away because of a band. :rolleyes2:

[*slim* 2]

Sorry, the pity party part was to myself as to how I was feeling as I was writing.

[BethFromVA 5]

Sorry, the pity party part was to myself as to how I was feeling as I was writing.

I know. I just didn't see it as a pity party. It's a factual part of this journey for many of us and something we need to tackle. I see pity parties as meaning something negative, and this wasn't negative in that way, imo. It's a negative part of our journey, but it's very real.

[gone 4 ever 6]

Look at it this way, Ebony -- he was and is happy with YOU, no matter where you were/are in your journey.

I don't look at it as much as lying as him not wanting to do anything to hurt you. He loved you 50 pounds heavier, and he loves the new you that is emerging. He is being supportive, it sounds like, and is not moping or disappointed in your change like some spouses can do. Relish that and maybe try to look at the opposite side of the coin. Just my two cents... :rolleyes2:

I agree with what Beth said.

Worth far more than two cents, Beth...he's actually said that he's enjoying my journey as much as I am because now the world gets to see what he always knew was inside me...that they get to see me the way he's always seen me and they can appreciate me too. Plus, he likes that other men are starting to be more interested in me, but I keep coming home to him...:crying:

Awwww....how sweet Ebony! I pray that with what Beth said and with what your hubby said you feel better about him and his feelings. He wants you to feel wanted by him no matter what size you are. Think about it, once you lose all your weight would you wonder how your husband feels about you IF he never had changed and started saying he likes thinner women? Would you feel he no longer wanted you because your thin? He is moving right along with you letting you know he loves YOU!

[DivaStyleCoach 89]

Ebony/Beth-I agree with everything that has been said. I am right there with both of you with the insecurity. I finally made another appointment with my therapist. She deals primarily with eating disorders. I found her in October of last year. I went to the first appointment and never made a second. I finally made another appointment last week. She gave me some papers to bring home to look over concerning self esteem. We figured out fairly quickly that I truly have low self esteem. I am letting my past (including past with DH) color my future. I am tired of being that woman.

Amen, Slim...Amen!

Of course, we don't even want to get into the hormonal part of this.:crying: I allowed myself to be the fat friend/wife/etc. I no longer know my place, and neither does anyone else. I used food to dull the pain of disappointment, loneliness, etc that I don't know how to deal with the emotions that I am feeling.

I agree - this is really NEW to me as well. I saw someone else's post on the site describing their relationship with food as a 'love affair', and now the affair is over and she doesn't know how to relate to food any more...I have felt that same thing from time to time...

I have snuck back into emotional eating, but it doesn't help since I can't gorge myself. Right now, life sucks. Ok, pity party over (I'm talking to myself here). We can do this! None of us jumped into this weightloss thing lightly. There has to be some inner strength that finally made us wake up. We have just got to find that core of stregnth and nurture it back to good health along with our bodies. We are wonderful women (and men) that deserve healthy, happy lives. We have to shed the old insecurities along with the pounds (I know, easier said that done). We have to pick our own selves up by the boot straps (where did that saying come from anyway:confused:).

I agree! We had to have SOMETHING strong inside us that made us take the steps to be banded, and to succeed as far as we have to date. We DO deserve healthy, happy bodies and lives. And I'm picking MYSELF up by those darn boot straps and getting my head straight.

No pity party, Slim, them's the facts of this journey for many of us. You are talking to/about me as well. The habits/choices we used to get to the points we did don't automatically go away because of a band. :crying:

How true...I still WANT a lot of the same food that I ate before I was banded, it's just that 'Jillian', my band, won't let me eat that stuff any more. I can't 'inhale' my food any more either, because then I really pay for it!

I know. I just didn't see it as a pity party. It's a factual part of this journey for many of us and something we need to tackle. I see pity parties as meaning something negative, and this wasn't negative in that way, imo. It's a negative part of our journey, but it's very real.

I agree with Beth here as well - it's something we need to tackle, and it's definately NOT a pity party. It is a part of our journey and yes, it's very real. I think pity parties are for people who aren't willing to change anything or do any work to change their circumstances and that definately does NOT describe any of us!

I agree with what Beth said.

Hi G4E! Isn't Beth the wise woman?

Ladies, thank you so much for helping me to see another side of this issue. I am so much better off for having you all to talk to and vent to and help me get a different perspective.

I <<heart>> y'all in a big way!:rolleyes2:

[BethFromVA 5]

I agree with Beth here as well - it's something we need to tackle, and it's definately NOT a pity party. It is a part of our journey and yes, it's very real. I think pity parties are for people who aren't willing to change anything or do any work to change their circumstances and that definately does NOT describe any of us!

That's EXACTLY what I was trying (and failing) to say!

Hi G4E! Isn't Beth the wise woman?

Hehehe yeah, well I know what to tell others, but I'm not so good at "hearing" it from myself very well.

Y'know what, Ebony? Maybe it's time for your white suit again. That seemed to make you feel SO strong and SO sure... you can't buy that feeling of empowerment. :rolleyes2:

[Kat817 19]

Ebony, my DH told me that this was a difficult position for him to be in, from the very beginning, he has felt like he was walking a tight rope.

When I began discussing lap band, he said he felt like if he was gung ho behind me, I would take it that he was unhappy with me the way I was. And if he was not supportive enough I might take it, he was against spending the money. Then when I began losing the weight, he was afraid to be super happy for me, because what if I thought he disliked me before, or what if I did gain it back, then I might think he would never find me attractive again. And yet if he was not happy for me, would I think he didn't like me losing weight????

When the weight really began dropping fast in the beginning, and the mood swings hit, he said he was scared to open his mouth sometimes, and all he wanted to do, was be happy for me in the moment.

He has said he loves me however I am. He finds many women attractive of different sizes, and I now notice more a personality type, a confidence, and attitude is more common among them, than size or hair color etc.

He said it is a hard thing to balance.....maybe your man is dealing with some of the same. Especially if you are being a bit insecure with wondering who and what he finds attractive. Many times men don't even KNOW why they find someone attractive, it isn't necessarily the size of their________________fill in your mans blank---it like us is often an emotional pull of some sort. There are men I think are attractive as hell, and in a classic handsome look, they don't fit at all--but something about them.....

I think talking to someone would be a great plan!

[gone 4 ever 6]

yes Ebony, Beth is a wise woman and so is Kat. Her reply made a lot of sense also.

I can't sleep. I am in to much pain. My pain meds aren't helping at all. I wonder if I call the ER and ask if I come back in if I can get an emergency surgery since my arm goes numb more and so do my legs now. I also feel like I have an electrical current shooting through my arm at times. Hurts like a son of a pot licker! It might be the only way to get the surgery I need on my back. Then all I would have to worry about is the surgery on my thyroid. I would rather be in labor right now than this. My first 2 children I had natural and no meds or anything, that didn't hurt like I am now. I am sorry for crying again.

[MacMadame 81]

I got my Talbot's bag back!

[Fanny Adams 7]

Sorry to hear about your pain, G4E. I really hope you find some relief soon! I don't know much about your system but if you have no other avenue to a doctor, maybe the ER is the way to go to get immediate treatment. You shouldn't have to be suffering like this without any help from anywhere!

Edited June 30, 2009 by Fanny Adams

[Fanny Adams 7]

Ebony, my DH told me that this was a difficult position for him to be in, from the very beginning, he has felt like he was walking a tight rope.

When I began discussing lap band, he said he felt like if he was gung ho behind me, I would take it that he was unhappy with me the way I was. And if he was not supportive enough I might take it, he was against spending the money. Then when I began losing the weight, he was afraid to be super happy for me, because what if I thought he disliked me before, or what if I did gain it back, then I might think he would never find me attractive again. And yet if he was not happy for me, would I think he didn't like me losing weight????

When the weight really began dropping fast in the beginning, and the mood swings hit, he said he was scared to open his mouth sometimes, and all he wanted to do, was be happy for me in the moment.

He has said he loves me however I am. He finds many women attractive of different sizes, and I now notice more a personality type, a confidence, and attitude is more common among them, than size or hair color etc.

He said it is a hard thing to balance.....maybe your man is dealing with some of the same. Especially if you are being a bit insecure with wondering who and what he finds attractive. Many times men don't even KNOW why they find someone attractive, it isn't necessarily the size of their________________fill in your mans blank---it like us is often an emotional pull of some sort. There are men I think are attractive as hell, and in a classic handsome look, they don't fit at all--but something about them.....

I think talking to someone would be a great plan!

I really do feel for the partners of people who've had WLS. It must feel like walking a minefield sometimes and no wonder they don't say or do the "right" thing from time to time. Even with the best of intentions, they can often put their foot in their mouths and they must get to the point of thinking "I should just shut up and not say anything - it can't be worse than saying the wrong thing!"

As much as I love the man I'm with, he's said a couple of things from time to time that have really hurt. When I stop to examine them, however, I realise that it is my own insecurities that are causing the pain, not his intentions. His tendency is towards the "brutal honesty" end of the scale, rather than the "tactful euphemisms" but sometimes even when he is trying to compliment, I can hear a criticism that was not intended. We have to keep remembering that as human beings, we naturally filter every thing that we experience through the sum of our memories and that this will colour what we think we see and hear.

[*slim* 2]

Morning everyone.

G4E-I am so sorry that you are in so much pain. I hope that you are able to get some relief from somewhere soon.

Ebony, Beth, Kat, Fanny-you all are some very wise women. I am so happy that I wondered onto this thread so many months ago. I can no longer imagine my life without all of my PJTP friends (I won't list you all, but I do mean all of you).Thanks for being there.:tongue2::wub::cursing:

Mac-I am so glad that you got your bag! I know that would have been very frustrating not to get it back.

[tapshoes 2]

WOW! You guys got into some serious discussions yesterday afternoon/evening. I think that Kat beautifuly described the tightrope that our partners gingerly walk. I think we all can reflect on those comments and see some of our experiences. Thanks Kat.

G4E - I am so sorry to hear of your continuing pains. I think an ER visit when you are in the midst of the pain would be more likely to generate action. Visiting after the fact or something is (in my experience) more likely to result in them giving you prescriptions and sending you away.

Mac - Glad you got your bag back.

Funny/weird story - I received a COACH bag as a gift. When I opened it, I found a locket inside. Obviously then, this bag was returned by someone to the store, and the store then resold it. (Maybe there is another explanation, but I can't think of it). Anyway, I tried calling and emailing COACH to explain the situation as I really think whoever lost the locket is probably upset - it is obviously old and has something in it that the owner would want. No one at COACH cared . In fact, it was suggested that I wanted a 'new' bag (I don't, the bag is unmarked and beautiful) or that I was 'fishing for a reward' (I'm not, Im trying to return something to its rightful owner). So short of putting a little notice in every newspaper in the state of California (and I don't even KNOW all the newspapers, OR that the previous owner lived in California) I have NO other ideas. Does anyone???

Morning all!

[*slim* 2]

It is a sad state of affairs when you can't get the company to care about someone's personal belongings. I guess until the person on the other end has experienced losing something of value (whether sentimental or otherwise), they won't get it.