I hate it when people post just to post.....

[tapshoes 2]

Morning all!

So many posts since Friday afternoon...to recap:

Ebony - That is FABULOUS!!! Yeah you!!

Lulu - love your idea of a 'swamp cooler'. Sadly, I did not have the ingredients on hand to try...but I will!

Fanny - beautiful video. Thanks for sharing

Mac - Sorry about your Talbot's bag. And 'setting boundaries with parents'? Heck, my parents were not that interested in my life; we are not a close family. No anger, hostility, resentment...just not close.

Beth - an all you can eat restaurant (in fact, any restaurant) holds no appeal for me. As 1 cup of food is the max I can eat, and nothing is ever served in small portions, and there are only so many meals of leftovers I want, DH and I don't eat at restaurants (business trips for me aside). Besides we both like to cook, so why eat out?

SMS - great to see you again...if only for a brief post!

Tramps and lushes - gotta love LBT

Pot - Am I the only person who has never tried it? Honest. Don't think I will try now...

Job hunters - may you know something about your interviews SOON. Don't these HR people know that you each have an entourage of supporters waiting to hear?

OK - that's it. I spent most of Sat and about 3 hours Sun playing in the dirt - that's a great weekend! DH and i built, dug, turned sod, transported earth, filled with good soil,etc a corner bed about 20'X15' with a curved front. Next step...find the plantings for it. Then, on to the next one...in 10 years, this yard will be beautiful. But until then, one garden spot at a time...

Time for another coffee.< /p>

[smsmithart 4]

I'm around I'm lurking...I'm so happy these days its kinda annoying so I keep it to myself most of the time...

[tapshoes 2]

How can it be annoying to be happy? Share ...tell us everything. We love to Celebrate our fellow VVs good times!!

Besides, some of us live vicariously through others!!

[DivaStyleCoach 89]

Morning all!

So many posts since Friday afternoon...to recap:

Ebony - That is FABULOUS!!! Yeah you!!

Thanks, Tap! I'm still flying high...

Lulu - love your idea of a 'swamp cooler'. Sadly, I did not have the ingredients on hand to try...but I will!

It's times like this I wish I WEREN'T a diabetic - the concoctions y'all come up with sound soooo good!

Pot - Am I the only person who has never tried it? Honest. Don't think I will try now...

You're not alone in that...I never tried it and don't think I ever will...worked a job as a teen at a city recreation center that was always reeking with it...made my hair smell funny. As a swimmer, I could always tell when someone who smoked came into the pool - something about the air changed...never wanted to smoke anything...tried it once with a regular cigarette, hated the aftertaste, that was the end of that!

Job hunters - may you know something about your interviews SOON. Don't these HR people know that you each have an entourage of supporters waiting to hear?

Yeah! What Tap said...

OK - that's it. I spent most of Sat and about 3 hours Sun playing in the dirt - that's a great weekend! DH and i built, dug, turned sod, transported earth, filled with good soil,etc a corner bed about 20'X15' with a curved front. Next step...find the plantings for it. Then, on to the next one...in 10 years, this yard will be beautiful. But until then, one garden spot at a time...

That sounds like a perfect weekend - wish I could do the same...this past weekend was pretty full - final service at my old church (we sold our building - too much maintenance for a small congregation), lots of pre-trip planning, college stuff and shopping with DD, outside a lot with DDog, community event Friday night with DH and DD (and the thunderstorms), and just plain busy!

Time for another coffee.< /p>

Wish I could drink coffee sometimes...anything besides Decaf makes me too jumpy...makes my heart rate do weird things...

I'm around I'm lurking...I'm so happy these days its kinda annoying so I keep it to myself most of the time...

Don't you DARE keep that to yourself, SMS! We LOVE to hear about happy people and their happy lives...I think your messages back and forth to your honey on FB are too cute...

How can it be annoying to be happy? Share ...tell us everything. We love to Celebrate our fellow VVs good times!!

What she said!

Besides, some of us live vicariously through others!!

Especially when our SO's are being buttheads...:thumbdown:

[*slim* 2]

Morning everyone (evening to Fanny)! I hope everyone is having a wonderful Monday!

[BethFromVA 5]

Morning, everybody (oops, almost afternoon :thumbdown:)!

First and foremost, EBONY!!! YOU ROCK, GIRL!! Congratulations on the size 16's!! Enjoy it, but not for too long, if you know what I mean.

Secondly, HAPPY BIRTHDAY LULU! Have you finally made it to 21? :thumbup:

G4E, I'm so sorry to hear about your back. I hope something can help you with that.

Mac, SO sorry to hear about losing your bag. The closest I can relate to was the only expensive pair of sunglasses I've ever owned (and for me, $89 was expensive). I barely had them a month and went motorcycle riding with DH and a friend one day, put them in the breast pocket of the denim shirt I was wearing for protection, took the shirt off and slung it over my arm, and apparently they fell out. By the time I noticed, they were gone. :w00t:

Omg, I'm still woozy from last night. Went outside to let the dogs out and our neighbor wanted to show me the finished product in his backyard (took down old deck last fall, put in small sitting area with gazebo tent, etc.) He was out there taking a few pictures and enjoying a glass of wine, so he offered me one. I don't even remember what time I went over there (could have been 7:00, 7:30), but I came stumbling home at 10:00 after three glasses of wine and made a beeline to bed. Omg, it wasn't all that long ago that I could put liquor away -- don't drink often, but when I would do it, I'd overdo like I did food. And now three glasses of wine and I was toast.

I woke up when hubby left at 6:00 this morning and laid there until about 6:30, then turned on the tv in the bedroom. Turned it off again sometime after 8:00 and thought about getting up, but my head was still swimmy. Laid back down and got up at 11:30!!

The good news is that I'm down 5 pounds since Friday. I've been having a rough time of it lately and making not-so-good choices and was actually UP SEVEN POUNDS from my lowest!! So yesterday I decided to do liquids only, and likely today too, to get back on track. Saturday was almost a totally liquid day since we went to a beerfest. I had some sort of wrap while there, but then we went out for sushi later and I had three pieces and PBed all of it up for some reason. Another reason I did liquids yesterday.

Anyway... I almost feel like I need a fill again, and quick. I didn't like the acid backup when I was overfilled, but I LOVED not being hungry at all. It almost felt like he took out 5cc instead of taking me down to 5cc. My next fill's not until the 9th, but I may try to see if he's available to do it next Monday after I get back from my sister's.

[tapshoes 2]

Especially when our SO's are being buttheads...:thumbdown:

Sounds like a story there.....

[DivaStyleCoach 89]

Sounds like a story there.....

Yep, there most definately is...

Long story short...I've been heavy most of my life - since my teen years. Always had trouble with guys wanting the 'show-off' girls, not me. 1st DH (in this case, da**) was one of the first who seemed to like me for 'me' - warts and all. Didn't last...here comes current DH, who was my once-sweetheart in HS (but decided he wanted 'showy' as well - 'showy' cheated and they divorced), saying he wanted me for 'me', warts and all. We marry, live happily ever after, yes?

Not quite...there have been some challenges on and off - nothing huge, but too big to just ignore. No physical infidelity, but some internet flirtations that I feel went too far...whole 'nother story, no room to tell here. Told me all along he liked 'em 'thick' and said I wasn't too far from 'perfect' in his eyes.

Recently, since I lost 50 lbs, he's evidently felt free to express himself...been noticing (out loud) more female stars who definitely don't fit the definition of 'thick' in my eyes...Alicia Keys, etc. Still likes Queen Latifah, but noticing more 'thin' stars now...commenting more on clothing styles that definately don't work for 'thick' women...

I call him on it...express my feelings of betrayal that he now is saying women who years ago would have been characterized as 'needing a sandwich' are now attractive to him, and calling it as I see it - a lie told in the past to try and make me feel better (I guess). Have I said how much I HATE lying? It's a fallback from the first H - he lied a LOT about a lot of things, and it's a hot button with me...

My DH is generally a good guy, but why the f**k can't you just be honest? Not brutal, just honest...if I had thought that he wasn't so happy with the 'thick' me, maybe I'd have made more effort in the past (maybe not). Because I kept thinking I wasn't 'that far off' I may not have put as much effort into it as I could have...

Of course hindsight being 20/20, you know...

I'm feeling more than a little betrayed and lied to...now that I'm thinning out, he feels free to say this stuff...makes me wonder what ELSE he's not been honest about...

I'm mad - just in case you couldn't tell - and I feel...sad at the same time. I'm no saint - I've admired other men, but they've always been along the same physical lines as my DH - Ving Rhames, Michael Clarke Duncan, Michael Jai White, etc...I like big guys. :rolleyes2:

My feelings are hurt right now...I wish he'd been HONEST with me all those years, and I don't know what (if anything) I'm going to do about it.

That's my sad / mad story for today...challenge for me is that once I'm mad, I tend to stay that way for a good long while...gotta decide what, if anything I'm going to do so I can get past this...one way or the other.

I feel a sense of loss - one of the things I always loved about my DH was that he wasn't "like the other guys"...now, that's been taken away from me...:crying::crying::crying:

[DivaStyleCoach 89]

PJTP...Beth, sounds like you had a good time, though the aftermath is a killer...:rolleyes2:

Wish I could drink...I need a good stiff one right now...:crying:

[*slim* 2]

Ebony-so sorry that you are going through pain right now. To give him the benefit of the doubt, maybe he is changing what he says he likes to match where he sees you going? That way you won't feel like he doesn't like the "new" you? I know the feeling of betrayal is a b*tch. I hope that you are able to come to a conclusion that allows you to move beyond the bad feelings. Many ((((hugs)))).

[DivaStyleCoach 89]

Ebony-so sorry that you are going through pain right now. To give him the benefit of the doubt, maybe he is changing what he says he likes to match where he sees you going? That way you won't feel like he doesn't like the "new" you? I know the feeling of betrayal is a b*tch. I hope that you are able to come to a conclusion that allows you to move beyond the bad feelings. Many ((((hugs)))).

Thanks, Slim...your voice of reason is right on time...perhaps that is true.

While I didn't do this FOR him, I did hope that he would be supportive...it's not really a sudden thing - he's always been a 'lesbian in a man's body' to use his words :crying:

I guess the hard part for me has always been that I accepted and loved him just as he was - whatever form that took. When we married, he was 6'3" tall, weighed about 200 lbs. He's now closer to 300 - but he wears it well - mostly in the shoulders and chest. He's got more tummy than he used to have (and he's sensitive about that) but that hasn't changed how I look at him.

I know men are visual creatures...they can be more attracted to the visual most of the time than what's inside a person - but I'm having a hard time reconciling the sweet words I heard in the past with what I'm hearing now. He used to say all the time that he loved "full-figured" women. Now he just says he loves "women".

For me, that preys on my personal insecurities - that I've never fared well in woman-on-woman competition for a man - I always lost. Now that I'm competing against the entire female race (not just the full-figured gals) I feel that old insecurity creeping back in and I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle. Like I'll never be whatever-enough...thin enough, tall enough, curvy enough, etc, etc, etc.

Some of this - hell, a LOT of this is about ME - but some of it lies at his feet as well.

I think I need therapy...LOL :rolleyes2:

[BethFromVA 5]

Ebony-so sorry that you are going through pain right now. To give him the benefit of the doubt, maybe he is changing what he says he likes to match where he sees you going? That way you won't feel like he doesn't like the "new" you? I know the feeling of betrayal is a b*tch. I hope that you are able to come to a conclusion that allows you to move beyond the bad feelings. Many ((((hugs)))).

I thought the same thing as I read this.

I don't know what I'd dislike more: A DH who "changes what he likes" as I change, or one who wants me to stay where I was and either sabotages my hard work or worse, can't deal with my change or wants out because I'm getting healthy and leaving him behind. I'm personally thinking I'd dislike the latter one more.

Look at it this way, Ebony -- he was and is happy with YOU, no matter where you were/are in your journey. You can say maybe you would have started this earlier had you known he liked them thinner -- and maybe you would have -- but YOU would have had to come to that conclusion with or without him. This is about us, after all, not anybody else. Nobody can make us do anything until we're ready. When YOU were fed up enough, you took the steps to do this. Before that time, his saying something MIGHT have gotten you started sooner, but would it really? Would YOU have been invested in you at that time? If you're like me, maybe not. Remember, we can never diet or even do this surgery for other people -- we HAVE to be 100% invested in ourselves and 0% doing this for other people.

I don't look at it as much as lying as him not wanting to do anything to hurt you. He loved you 50 pounds heavier, and he loves the new you that is emerging. He is being supportive, it sounds like, and is not moping or disappointed in your change like some spouses can do. Relish that and maybe try to look at the opposite side of the coin. Just my two cents... :rolleyes2:

[BethFromVA 5]

Thanks, Slim...your voice of reason is right on time...perhaps that is true.

While I didn't do this FOR him, I did hope that he would be supportive...it's not really a sudden thing - he's always been a 'lesbian in a man's body' to use his words

I guess the hard part for me has always been that I accepted and loved him just as he was - whatever form that took. When we married, he was 6'3" tall, weighed about 200 lbs. He's now closer to 300 - but he wears it well - mostly in the shoulders and chest. He's got more tummy than he used to have (and he's sensitive about that) but that hasn't changed how I look at him.

I know men are visual creatures...they can be more attracted to the visual most of the time than what's inside a person - but I'm having a hard time reconciling the sweet words I heard in the past with what I'm hearing now. He used to say all the time that he loved "full-figured" women. Now he just says he loves "women".

For me, that preys on my personal insecurities - that I've never fared well in woman-on-woman competition for a man - I always lost. Now that I'm competing against the entire female race (not just the full-figured gals) I feel that old insecurity creeping back in and I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle. Like I'll never be whatever-enough...thin enough, tall enough, curvy enough, etc, etc, etc.

Some of this - hell, a LOT of this is about ME - but some of it lies at his feet as well.

I think I need therapy...LOL :rolleyes2:

Aw, honey, I wish this didn't make you feel so badly. I certainly don't live in your home and I don't know the dynamics of you two, but my immediate instinct when I read this (through you, as I can't tell from the conversation) that he's supporting you.

Look, whether you're "competing" against thick women (of which you are quickly leaving that category) or ALL women, there is still a competition there inside you. Would you really feel better if you knew he for sure loved them thicker and you are leaving that thickness behind? You'd feel just as badly and insecure.

I am a huge proponent of therapy during this time (she says as she sits here without getting any yet... :crying:). We are changing, the way people look at us is changing, and it can be very hard to figure out where we fit in. We're no longer the fat friend/family member/neighbor, we start getting attention, maybe the attention from our SO changes and we don't know how to handle it, we feel better about ourselves and more self-assured, etc. Plus the hormones alone that are released during this much weight loss! It all plays a huge part in our psyche and can mess us up.

I really want to find somebody who deals most specifically with eating disorders. I really should start checking around because my bad habits of stress eating have been affecting me over the last couple months. :crying:

[DivaStyleCoach 89]

I thought the same thing as I read this.

I don't know what I'd dislike more: A DH who "changes what he likes" as I change, or one who wants me to stay where I was and either sabotages my hard work or worse, can't deal with my change or wants out because I'm getting healthy and leaving him behind. I'm personally thinking I'd dislike the latter one more.

Thanks, Beth...I KNOW you are right about that. I would not want the sabotage...or the 'leaving him behind' stuff either...

Look at it this way, Ebony -- he was and is happy with YOU, no matter where you were/are in your journey. You can say maybe you would have started this earlier had you known he liked them thinner -- and maybe you would have -- but YOU would have had to come to that conclusion with or without him. This is about us, after all, not anybody else. Nobody can make us do anything until we're ready.

Wise woman, you...wise woman...

When YOU were fed up enough, you took the steps to do this. Before that time, his saying something MIGHT have gotten you started sooner, but would it really? Would YOU have been invested in you at that time? If you're like me, maybe not. Remember, we can never diet or even do this surgery for other people -- we HAVE to be 100% invested in ourselves and 0% doing this for other people.

You're right...I made sure in my OWN head that I was doing it for ME. My health was the primary concern, with being more attractive, liking what I saw in the mirror coming in second. I knew if I had my DH as the motivation, it wouldn't work, and the psychologist who did my preliminary eval said as much to me...

I don't look at it as much as lying as him not wanting to do anything to hurt you. He loved you 50 pounds heavier, and he loves the new you that is emerging. He is being supportive, it sounds like, and is not moping or disappointed in your change like some spouses can do. Relish that and maybe try to look at the opposite side of the coin. Just my two cents... :rolleyes2:

Worth far more than two cents, Beth...he's actually said that he's enjoying my journey as much as I am because now the world gets to see what he always knew was inside me...that they get to see me the way he's always seen me and they can appreciate me too. Plus, he likes that other men are starting to be more interested in me, but I keep coming home to him...:crying:

Aw, honey, I wish this didn't make you feel so badly. I certainly don't live in your home and I don't know the dynamics of you two, but my immediate instinct when I read this (through you, as I can't tell from the conversation) that he's supporting you.

He really is trying...it's just my insecurity talking, I think...I have, in the past, had a real challenge with my self-esteem. I hid it well for quite a while, but this experience has brought a LOT of stuff to the surface...

Look, whether you're "competing" against thick women (of which you are quickly leaving that category) or ALL women, there is still a competition there inside you. Would you really feel better if you knew he for sure loved them thicker and you are leaving that thickness behind? You'd feel just as badly and insecure.

Very true...

I am a huge proponent of therapy during this time (she says as she sits here without getting any yet... :crying:). We are changing, the way people look at us is changing, and it can be very hard to figure out where we fit in. We're no longer the fat friend/family member/neighbor, we start getting attention, maybe the attention from our SO changes and we don't know how to handle it, we feel better about ourselves and more self-assured, etc. Plus the hormones alone that are released during this much weight loss! It all plays a huge part in our psyche and can mess us up.

I agree about the therapy part...I am starting to see that some of the issues I'm having are trust issues from my childhood, and some are as a result of past experiences - bad ones. I do think I need to talk to someone - I need to find that someone and start talking...

I really want to find somebody who deals most specifically with eating disorders. I really should start checking around because my bad habits of stress eating have been affecting me over the last couple months. :sad:

I'm right there with ya - I may talk to the psych who did my preliminary eval and find out if she does this kind of counseling. Perhaps it would be covered by my health insurance here at work, but even if it's not, I may make the investment in ME and do it anyway...

Thanks, girlfriends! :wub:

You have helped me to put a different perspective on this, and I feel tons better right now...my DH may even survive the night LOL:rolleyes2:

[BethFromVA 5]

Worth far more than two cents, Beth...he's actually said that he's enjoying my journey as much as I am because now the world gets to see what he always knew was inside me...that they get to see me the way he's always seen me and they can appreciate me too. Plus, he likes that other men are starting to be more interested in me, but I keep coming home to him...:crying:

Omg, do you know how lucky you are?! I've read a lot of other people having very different reactions to their weight loss. Sometimes I even feel sabotaged a bit by my DH -- not because he doesn't want me to lose weight, but he wants HIS goodies more (i.e. eating out, etc.). Friday I allowed him to talk me into going to a buffet, something I haven't done since surgery. I regretted it afterwards. I told him over the weekend that it's the first and last time I'm going to one, and he couldn't figure it out. Asked if it was because of the temptation, and I said yes, partly, but also that it's not worth the money either. He chose that moment to start arguing with me over the cost, blah blah blah. He's still with us, but barely. :rolleyes2: If he wants to go, he can go by himself from now on.

He really is trying...it's just my insecurity talking, I think...I have, in the past, had a real challenge with my self-esteem. I hid it well for quite a while, but this experience has brought a LOT of stuff to the surface...

Then that's all you can hope for. You sound a lot like me, about the insecurity. From the outside, people don't really see it, but I have told a few close people I think the weight thing was to make me larger than life and somebody that people wouldn't mess with because I could hide my insecurities behind all this blubber. Which is SO stupid because all it did was make me more insecure because now I became virtually invisible. But the girth gave me a false sense of strength (as weird as that sounds) and I think I kinda turned into the bull in the china shop because of it.

I agree about the therapy part...I am starting to see that some of the issues I'm having are trust issues from my childhood, and some are as a result of past experiences - bad ones. I do think I need to talk to someone - I need to find that someone and start talking...

I'll make you a deal -- if you do it, then I will too. I've talked about it for a while but haven't done it yet. Tried OA and went back to Weight Watchers, but it's not the same. I need something more personalized and specific.

I'm right there with ya - I may talk to the psych who did my preliminary eval and find out if she does this kind of counseling. Perhaps it would be covered by my health insurance here at work, but even if it's not, I may make the investment in ME and do it anyway...

I know mine did, but she either didn't take my insurance or any insurance, and I just couldn't part from that much money, y'know? lol

Thanks, girlfriends! :wub:

You have helped me to put a different perspective on this, and I feel tons better right now...my DH may even survive the night LOL:rolleyes2:

That's what we're here for -- to make you feel better, see things from an outside perspective, and save each other's DH's lives. :crying: