I hate it when people post just to post.....

[tapshoes 2]

"if your grown enough to have a social life needing money - your grown enough to go earn it"....

There are just SO many of DSDs friends I would LOVE to share this with!!! University kids, driving better cars than I EVER had (or likely to have), mom and dad paying their rent and for their education; trips to Mexico etc for spring break, and yet they don't have 'any money'... I asked two of them if they would like to do some work around the house for me for a little over minimum wage, but stuff that either DH and I just don't seem to get around to doing, and/or is somewhat strenous/physical and is better done by younger bodies. The response: no, I'm taking the summer off; it was a hard school year, we need to relax.........

GRRR!!!!!!!!!

[Brandy~ 2]

HAHA Glad you mention it Tap... I even live in a college town. I am a stones throw from University of Oregon. The house I said I couldn't get a kid to mow my lawn in was actually 1 block from campus haha. But yet out front of my house and around campus they would drive BMW's and Mercedes. My kids are spoiled yes... But I make them work for what I give them...

My daughter used to think that Abercrombie would grow on our trees outback. I got a little tired of having a grocery list for that store from her every month... so now she wants to have expensive taste... she gets to see what it's like to earn $75 to get that one sweatshirt.

She is learning that clearance shopping saves her alot of work when she is earning money for clothes :tt2:

[Gone4Now 4]

That's where I find the toughest line to draw. She's cleaner than I am, so her room and the bathroom she uses is spotless. Every now and then her Cereal bowl is left in the living room, but she's good about keeping things neat.

I feel weird paying her for something she does naturally, but maybe I do need to reward her for being really clean.

What I'd really like to pay her for is the attitude. She's getting that "tone" and I HATE it. The eye rolls and tone make me go into crazy-bitch-mom mode and that's when we argue.

Anyone pay their kids to be nice? I mentioned that to DH and he flipped. "In my day" arguments ensue anytime I try to work with DD. He really believes that kids should be snapped back into reality, and I do to a point.

I also think times have changed so much, that it may be harder to stop it than to work with it.

As for internet accounts, cell phones, all that...I have DD's passwords and have openly told her that if she uses my computer, it's in the living room and I know the passwords. No texting crap, because I read it. If she doesn't like it, she can hand over her phone and get off the computer.

I also set up a google alert for her name and any names she goes by.

[BethFromVA 5]

Anyone out there have a little hellion and turned it around? If so, how? What freedoms do you limit and which ones do you allow for?

Yes, but it took removing her bedroom door, nailing the windows shut, inserting a GPS chip under her skin, weekly urinalysis and lie detector tests, and tying her to a chair when not visibly seen at all times. Other than that, things were fine. :tt2:

[Brandy~ 2]

That's where I find the toughest line to draw. She's cleaner than I am, so her room and the bathroom she uses is spotless. Every now and then her cereal bowl is left in the living room, but she's good about keeping things neat.

I feel weird paying her for something she does naturally, but maybe I do need to reward her for being really clean.

What I'd really like to pay her for is the attitude. She's getting that "tone" and I HATE it. The eye rolls and tone make me go into crazy-bitch-mom mode and that's when we argue.

Anyone pay their kids to be nice? I mentioned that to DH and he flipped. "In my day" arguments ensue anytime I try to work with DD. He really believes that kids should be snapped back into reality, and I do to a point.

I also think times have changed so much, that it may be harder to stop it than to work with it.

As for internet accounts, cell phones, all that...I have DD's passwords and have openly told her that if she uses my computer, it's in the living room and I know the passwords. No texting crap, because I read it. If she doesn't like it, she can hand over her phone and get off the computer.

I also set up a google alert for her name and any names she goes by.

I am not an expert and I haven't raised angels I am sure. I am just smart enough to know that if you think you're doing enough you still aren't. Those lil boogers are sneaky. We are lucky that alot of us in this day and age are more internet saavy than obviously the parents were.... But those kids can get away with alot.

My daughter hit some weird phase where her attitude was as if someone owed her something, eye rolling, door slammin, I can stay out till whenever I want etc...

Even though I knew her email names, myspace, Facebook, etc passwords.. I decided to give her a drug test and put a keylogger on the computer.

Well she passed the drug test with flying colors but the keylogger told me all I needed to know. She had went to school and made other accounts under fake names and such and so I read the communications and knew how to handle the situation.

I learned alot about my daughter like that. It might be controversial since she didn't know at the time. But in the long run I could of saved her alot of heartache in the long run.

I pay her for her behavior and also reward with freedom when I catch her doing random acts of kindness.

I forgot to mention my daughter is going to be 17.

[BethFromVA 5]

You are so right about that. DS started this year. Last year, I never had to worry about his talking back or anything like that. Now, all I have to do is tell him to do something simple like, take is plate to the kitchen, to get back talk. I am open to suggestions, too.

Cattle prods.

[Kat817 19]

I had 3 teens at one time, and all 3 were totally different!

Son was a wild child. He went to live with his real Mom for awhile due to us not getting along, and she helped a lot---taught him how to get high and escape life. OK maybe she didn't teach him, but she smoked with him, and made it all out to be ok. Luckily somewhere in the back of his head, apparantly lessons were deeply embedded, because now he is a clean, productive, kind, generous father himself.

We tried all kinds of discipline with him, but in my opinion we gave up way to easy, and allowed him to go to his Moms when we shouldn't have. Our reasoning at the time was to get him away from friends here, and not to influence the girls anymore than necessary, and to keep those friends away from the girls who were 1 & 2 years younger than he.

Wish we had handled it differently.

Oldest DD was an angel until she turned 17. Prior to that, she always had a housefull of kids here, she was an honor student (in her defense, she remained good in SCHOOL), a cheerleader, active in sports, would help out in the day care and the kids loved her---she was awesome. Then she turned 17. And something took over her body and mind! I think she smelled freedom! She lied, she smoked, she quit sports, and had a steady boyfriend (who became her husband soon after graduating), and yet she was in there!

She told me she and the bf were going to planned parenthood. I too had always talked to her about anything and told her she could come to me and she did. Was wierd!

So then I had the "This is my house not a motel" talk, for when I was away from home.

She graduated as a junior, she had excellent grades, applied for and received numerous scholarships. The only person she really changed to was me!

Since that time, she has reverted to a good kid! Even tho she is not a kid anymore! She is without a doubt going to pay for her raising with her DD tho!!!

Youngest DD, was quiet, had a friend or 2 was all, very artsy, into being different, and shunning all that was popular and "in". She did not want to work for me, she did not want anything, so she could care less about earning $$. She would rather scrounge a pair of vintage tenny's from Goodwill than buy the Nike everyone in school was wearing!

She had a very independent attitude as a young child, it never changed, and is still the same. She never lied, (within a normal person range) she despised smokers, she did enough school work to scrape by.

I worried when she was young because she never had the attachement the other 2 did with us as parents, and still to this day she is that way.

And it still worries me, and upsets me. But she is happy and healthy, she is married with a new baby, and they own a home, and are productive citizens--just ones that don't need us!

I do not envy y'all in the teen years, things change so fast.

I thought my older DD's eyes were on slot machine spinners she rolled them so much!

Good Luck to all of you!

[Brandy~ 2]

Cattle prods.

Those work well too. I had considered it... But she shaped back up :tt2:

[Brandy~ 2]

Hey LULU ... How about we send you our troubled teens and they can work your ranch?!?

I will send a tent with her :tt2:

har har

[BethFromVA 5]

TW will work (although with much back talk) if he feels he will get something out of it. For example, we have told him that the only way he will get an allowance is for him to do him chores without being told (taking out the garbage and cleaning his room). If I have to tell him, he doesn't get anything. He doesn't like that, but rules are rules. Of course, he has only done his chores without being told once. Everytime he asks why he hasn't gotten an allowance, I remind him of what he was supposed to do to get it. He does his chores, but not without being told. He seems to think (like a lot of boys) that having a nasty room is ok. Not in my house!:tt2:

Through my church many years ago, DH and I attended a seminar called Raising Kids God's Way. The stuff they said could work for anybody, though, regardless of belief.

First off, there are certain chores a child SHOULD do without pay because they are a part of the family. Other things like mowing the lawn, taking out the garbage, etc., can be extras that they EARN money for.

The basic premise was that kids should not be paid for being part of the family and partaking in certain activities. Real life doesn't work that way.

Also, I don't know how old DS is, but that mouthing off thing? Um, no. Take the goodies away: Ipod, walkman, tv, internet... start with the small stuff and work your way upward. For ANY bad behavior. Kids live for their "stuff." Or, "What was that? You want a ride to the skate park? Um, remember when you..." They rely on us for EVERYthing... the stuff they have, the places they go. If it starts drying up, then what?

Liberties can be very rewarding, and very painful to lose if you lose them.

[Kat817 19]

Wow! That made my youngest sound estranged, and she is far from that, just very self sufficient. She does not ask opinions or for advice, she never has cared what anyone thought.

She is however loving, and works hard to keep she and her siblings in touch with one another. And every gift she gives is handmade one way or another. She is an accomplished and profitable artist!

Not to tie this in to "another" thread, but they all left home at 18 and were either working full time or going to school, and married. They did not dilly dally....which is something that would STILL cause my oldest to roll her eyes if she heard me say....so I do it just to irritate her. Wonder where she got that trait!!!

[BethFromVA 5]

i'm glad you brought up lawn care because that was what i was referring to when i posted. our previous wkers moved so i've been on the hunt for wks- . i would like some help around the place (i'll do the majority of it in the tractor) it's the little things ..... when i asked my friend (the one w/the 2 boys) if they would be interested & ended up w/her landscapers number.

Well, that tells you something right there. She has two boys and they don't even do their OWN yard. Shame on the parents.

[Brandy~ 2]

Now we just need PATTYs opinion.

[BethFromVA 5]

It might be controversial since she didn't know at the time. But in the long run I could of saved her alot of heartache in the long run.

I don't care about controversy or public opinion. They are NOT adults, and as such, are not afforded the same privacy that adults are. They are our responsibility, but society tries to hold us accountable for what they do yet tie our hands in how to do it. This mama never played that game.

I would do backpack checks, room checks, checking in with teachers, etc. She was not allowed on the internet in my house except for school, and in the end I found out she was accessing it at friends' houses. One mother even came to me with a bill where our daughters had gotten those "free" cd's in the mail for so many minutes of internet use, but once the time is up it charges to your phone bill. She tried to tell me I owed a couple hundred dollars for that and I said sorry, not my problem. My daughter isn't allowed on the internet in my home. If you aren't watching what they are doing in yours, it's certainly not my problem.

[BethFromVA 5]

Now we just need PATTYs opinion.

I bet she'd keep them until they got grey hair and STILL suckle them at her breast. :tt2: