I hate it when people post just to post.....

[smsmithart 4]

I loved the tower of terror...its a rainy windy day here..

[tapshoes 2]

Can't stand rides...even swings make me sea-sick (so to speak).

Gray hair on my head - fine. Even the white patch is ok. Gray hair elsewhere including my chinny chin chin is unacceptable. It must go.

Tree is up and lights are on it. No decorations on it though.

Snow is falling.

[Gracey 7]

At 42, I have no gray which makes me very happy. I would so color if I had any though!

I am really not a shopper but stopped at an outlet on my drive back from Tennessee. I got an LB sweater, shoes, and 2 pair of gloves for $87.40! woot!

[*susan* 1,709]

Tap, I hear ya. My kids play racing games on the PS2, and I literally get nauseous just from watching it. I am such a wimp.

[*slim* 2]

I am just a wimp. I don't get sick. I just get terrified of any ride that involves height. I am scared of heights, yet I have to climb a ladder for work.:cursing:

[*susan* 1,709]

Confession time...........

Guys, I need help. I am sitting here in tears right now. I should have probably started another thread, but I feel more comfortable posting in this one to you guys, cause you are my banded family. I just finished typing this on my blog, and decided instead of posting it where only I see it, I should post it here. So, here it is, my copied and pasted confession.

I have this wonderful tool, and I refuse to use it. My eating has gone completely out of control, back to what it was before I got banded. I am gaining weight like crazy. I am a complete lazy ass and haven't been to the gym in I can't remember how long. Why am I allowing this? We refinanced our home just so I could have this surgery, and I am still fat, fat, FAT!!!!!!!!

I am just so frustrated with myself. I can't seem to get my motivation back. I spend a ton of time on LBT thinking I will find something there to inspire me, but nothing is working. Every time I look in the mirror, I hate what I see. My clothes are all getting way too tight and are downright uncomfortable. I can't even bring myself to get on the scale anymore. I feel like such a liar when I am on LBT offering others advice when I am a complete and total failure myself.

I need to work this out. I know how great it felt when I was losing. I know how wonderful it felt both physically and emotionally. I know I want it, but for some reason, I just can't seem to control my eating. I need a fill. But, I can't seem to find my sweet spot. I am either over-filled to the point of not being able to keep anything down, or under-filled like now where I can eat anything I want. I am afraid of being over-filled yet again, so I avoid my doctor. I just need to call him. I need to talk to him about this. Geez, I wish he could read my blog, that would help.

I am really embarrassed and ashamed. I feel like I have disappointed everyone.

[Oregondaisy 2,021]

I am 56 and I have no grey hair. That was one of my big fears. I lost about 50% of my hair after surgery. I was so afraid it was going to come back in gray.

Froggi, I never had that problem. Mine was the opposite. The first week after surgery I never went at all and that freaked me out. It's still a problem and I am always trying to find more ways to get Fiber into my diet. have to work on.

[*slim* 2]

Susan, you shouldn't feel ashamed or embarrassed. You are human. You are NOT a failure. You really sound like you are dealing with some possible depression issues. That can really affect everything. Maybe you can make an appointment to talk to someone? Also, schedule yourself for a small fill. Maybe that way you can work to getting your eating in check. I know that I haven't been banded long enough to really offer much advice, but we are here to listen and encourage any time. I hope that you are able to work this out soon. I hate for you to feel bad at all.

[Froggi 4]

You guys...I cheated on my diet today :thumbup: I'm scared. I am 6 days post op and I start full liquids tomorrow...till then i am on clears.

What I did was I took 4 bites of my moms bean Soup and mushed it up really good :wink2: that's mushies and I'm supposed to be going full tomorrow not mushies...ugh I'm scared a hurt my band...did any of you guys cheat like this and have your bands still okay after years?

[BethFromVA 5]

I'm sorry you're feeling this way, Susan. {{{hugs}}}

First and foremost, don't beat yourself up. This can be brought back under control. Just stop... and breathe... and find a calm spot to reconnect with yourself. Nothing is ruined, just delayed.

And we ALL are able to give the most fantastic, workable advice while not being able to adhere to it at all. With all I know and have shared, I can't believe I haven't been granted an honorary degree in... something. :thumbup:

But you are probably like me that when you start to backslide, instead of reaching out, you freak out. I do that, and that is the one reason I'm afraid of sabotaging my weight loss too. I get to a certain point, realize I'm starting to look good, and totally freak out and do the exact opposite of what I should do. I too will likely deal with this very issue again in the future.

But you know, you are STILL a fantastic inspiration and a success story because you DID it. You know how to work it, and you have -- you just need to get back on track again.

What can we do for you? Just ask. I know I too am too new to really be of any good, but if there's anything...

And call your doctor.

But most of all, just stop and breathe. It'll be okay.

[BethFromVA 5]

You guys...I cheated on my diet today :wink2: I'm scared. I am 6 days post op and I start full liquids tomorrow...till then i am on clears.

What I did was I took 4 bites of my moms bean Soup and mushed it up really good that's mushies and I'm supposed to be going full tomorrow not mushies...ugh I'm scared a hurt my band...did any of you guys cheat like this and have your bands still okay after years?

I don't swear to know anything, but I would think that didn't hurt anything. Just don't do it again, k? :thumbup:

[Oregondaisy 2,021]

Susan, that could have been written by me. I can't seem to control my craving for sweets. I know in my head that if I could stay off of them for 3 days, the craving would go away. I can stay off of them for a few hours, and then that's all I think about.

I am going to try what I learned in the Beck Diet solution book. I made 3/5 cards with thoughts on them . like"

I need to not eat candy unless I want to buy bigger pants" or one thought per card on every single reason I want to lose weight. I post the cards all over the house and some in my purse. Then I look at them through out the day. It helped last time. I can only hope it is of some help this time.

The only difference is that I thought I was at my sweet spot, until I started that puking in my sleep. Now I can't have any of my fill back until my dr. decides my esophagus has probably healed.

[Oregondaisy 2,021]

Froggi, I am sure we all did something that could be considered cheating. Just remember how long you waited fo this and how much you wanted it. Maybe that will get you through until you are at the phase where you can have more things.

[Froggi 4]

Susan I hope you feel better. :thumbup: We all make mistakes -hugs-

[Kat817 19]

Susan, we began this adventure around the same time...and through it all we have hit the hard plateaus about the same time range etc.

I really believe some of what you are experiencing is normal for the place we are. If you will look back, and locate those of us still around that were banded in the same general time range....we have all come to a point, that while our bands are quite successful, we are "tired" of behaving I think!!!!

I am going with no fill, and am really having to work it, and I don't like that!

I am not trying to belittle how you feel, but I truly believe some of it is just that for 2.5 years we have worked with the band.

For years prior to that, I allowed myself to become really seriously lazy----and sometimes I miss the simple act of not caring!

I love that I am not almost 300 pounds anymore. I love that my blood pressure and blood sugar are normal again.

BUT........I am tired of dealing with it! Some days the want to just BE is overwhelming!

Plus, in the beginning the weight come off quickly which kept us motivated, but as we approach goal, it slooooooows so drastically! It is hard not to just say screw it, I am not losing anyway! It is harder to find motivation.

Personally I also have to factor in the time of year, I totally dislike being unable to be outside doing things for exercise----so I often find myself just not doing any---which is sabotaging myself. But winter really sucks---I am not much into winter sports.

I know I have not offered any constructive ways of dealing with this, I just wanted you to know you are NOT alone......

But isn't there a part of you being an "old timer" here with the band, that wants to know what is next? There has to be a way to get our mojo back, and push on.....

Maybe together.....I know Sherry (SherryBoBerry) is EXACTLY where we are....down to your same issues with the over fill---vs. no restriction. And she too is in the same range time wise, she and I were just PM'ing about the same issues!

It doesn't help but you cannot call yourself a loser without calling us the same........and....I DARE you!!!

Kat