I hate it when people post just to post.....

[BethFromVA 5]

Agreed, Kat.

My first husband was also abusive. It started out as things said to undermine me, separating me from friends and family, and accusing me of doing the things HE was doing (fooling around).

It then turned to hitting and beatings when I would stand up to him. How DARE I. Problem is, I found my feisty side during that relationship and would not back down even when he was beating me, which he also did while I was pregnant with my daughter. He came home one night when I was 8 months pregnant and accused me of being worthless and not doing anything worthwhile (maybe the house wasn't clean, who knows), and this was while I was dishing up our dinner. I grabbed both plates, said, "This is what I don't do, I don't do dinner anymore," and smashed the food-laden plates on the floor. He picked up a heavy WROUGHT-IRON dinner chair we had and hurled it at me, striking me in the abdomen. The bruise I got was the size of a saucer, and appeared within minutes.

Eventually it escalated after her birth to pulling his loaded .38 on me and threatening to kill me, my family, and my friends. At that point I didn't even care anymore. I relished death over the hell I was living, separated from friends and family and with nobody within close proximity to help me AND a new baby. I was in a women's shelter with her when she was three weeks old.

I finally was able to scrape together enough money to get out. I call it an act of God, because, honestly, the way the money came together and I was able to leave was more than mere coincidence.

It always starts with running you down. It may not escalate to physical abuse, but even emotional abuse takes its toll and should NEVER be tolerated. If he can't support you 100 percent, you don't need his skanky ass. Trust me, you never want to be where Kat or I have been. Granted, the experience made me stronger, but I would never wish it on anybody.

[BethFromVA 5]

Mental note to self: Be careful of everything I do and/or say to Beth for fear of losing my skin.

HEHE, nah, just guys. If you read what I just wrote, you'll see why.

[Donna113 2]

Some pretty heavy stuff... I'm sorry Kat and Beth you two had to go through something like that but thankfully you're out of it now and in loving relationships where you are valued. You have lots to be thankful for this year.

[BethFromVA 5]

Some pretty heavy stuff... I'm sorry Kat and Beth you two had to go through something like that but thankfully you're out of it now and in loving relationships where you are valued. You have lots to be thankful for this year.

Didn't mean to get heavy, but it's something that somebody in SMS's situation may need to hear. I'm not insinuating that he's physically abusive or may even become so, but one MUST pay attention to the signs. Nothing happens overnight... it's a slow death by papercut. Then before you know it, one day you wake up and wonder how you got to that point.

I am very loved now. I know this man would not hurt me, cheat on me, or raise a hand to me. He doesn't even raise his voice when we argue. I am more than thankful for how things turned out, and I've felt love and support for 15 years. Nothing is better.

[luluc 6]

wow beth, kat...you ladies are very strong & fortunate to have gotten out of those relationships.

my mom told me early on, that my "husband" needs to worship the quicksand i walk on....he should love you more than you love him. i had just chalked it up to a really good time in the 60's on whatever trip she might have taken to come up with this.....but i get it now.

dh is no pushover - but he does put me and my needs first all the time. rarely does he do or say something w/out thinking how it will impact me / us...glad i waited a while & weeded thru the frogs.

sms - you have to believe you deserve a quality relationship to have one.

my lonely 2cents..

[BethFromVA 5]

Luckily hubby's no pushover either, because I just can't respect that. I dated a guy for 3 1/2 years after first hubby (a friend of ours, actually, where we both felt a POP ZING the first time we met -- when I was 6 months pregnant ), and he was as sweet as the day is long. No real motivation for anything, but treated the baby and I like gold. However, I was testing the waters because of what I had come from and pushed things at times. He never stood up to my crap, and I couldn't respect him for that.

Hubby is very kind and loving, but he has had to slap me into place a time or two (figuratively, of course). I can respect that. I need boundaries, and with him, I know when I've gone too far.

[Donna113 2]

Sending out a big WOOT to all the wonderful hubbies, wives and SOs out there!

I'm blessed with a wonderful husband who treated me like a princess while we were dating and treats me like his queen now that we're married (9 years and going strong). In our house, we often say Daddy's King, Mommy's Queen, Prince Philip and Princess Sedona. We're all royalty in our house and our home is our castle. It's the place where we're the happiest and it's always a safe haven from the world when the world gets to be too much--as it is wont to do from time to time.

[*slim* 2]

I have to say that I feel blessed to have such a wonderful set of women come into my life (even by computer). You all are an inspiration. It is wonderful to know that when/if the time ever comes, I know where I can get words of wisdom, strength, and courage. You are a great bunch.

[tapshoes 2]

Lots of postings in the past 36 hours...miss one morning and it takes a LONG time to get caught up! And since I wouldn't want to ruffle Plain's multi-quote feathers (although I will silently cheer Susan on as she one ups him [so to speak]), I'll just say...PJTP.

[Donna113 2]

I have to say that I feel blessed to have such a wonderful set of women come into my life (even by computer). You all are an inspiration. It is wonderful to know that when/if the time ever comes, I know where I can get words of wisdom, strength, and courage. You are a great bunch.

Include yourself in that "wonderful set of women" and let's not forget our token man. Yes, Plain, we're talking about you behind your back again.

[luluc 6]

in light of the holidays & dealing w/the inlaws.....and since i did go to the gym rather than a bloody mary, hubby opened a good bottle of wine for me. so i'm starting earlier than 5 today,

[Donna113 2]

I can use a glass myself but it seems I have all the kids from the neighborhood in my backyard and I don't want them running home and telling their mommies that Sedona's mom drinks grape juice but won't give them any. LOL

[Kat817 19]

Got all my pies baked.....house is semi done, I am alllllllll alone..........MY choice of music playing.......pretty wierd!!

I did not mean to imply that SMS's DH was anything like my ex, but after years spent speaking on a Victim Impact Panel, I just could not walk away without assuring her, she CAN do it if she finds a need to!

Wow Beth, you too went through some crap....now my ex unknown to me was actually still married to someone else when I married him.......nah, couldn't be!!!!

My storied like yours would curl peoples toes....and whoever (should look back and find out who, but I am lazy!) said we had a lot to be thankful for this year--they said it all!

Loving husband, happy family......Yep it will be a Happy Thanksgiving fer sure fer sure!!

Kat

[gone 4 ever 6]

Everyone have a safe and Happy Thanksgiving.

Just remember these rules

1. We can no longer eat everything and the plate to.

2. There will be plenty of leftovers.

3. Desserts are not our freinds. (1 little bite is o.k. tho)

4. If you are having it at your house, send lots of food home with family and freinds when they leave.

5. No matter what... DO NOT wiegh yourself until the end of next week! ;>) :crying:

[Donna113 2]

Kat, my pies come from the bakery--I know it's not the same as smelling them bake in the oven but it sure is a lot less labor intensive and a hell of a lot better than anything I could bake.