Do you think people know when the make NO comment at all?

[maryrose 2]

:cryThis probbly sounds like a silly question, but I have pretty much kept this a secret. Only a very few people know about my surgery.

The thing is, I have lost over 50 lbs. and I kind of notice the "allover look" from people and then NO COMMENT. This kind of gives me the feeling they found out about my surgery and are not saying anything.

Am I being paranoid.

Has anyone else had this happen to them?

I'm sorry if this seems like a weird question...lol....but I got that "look" last week by a co-worker..and she made no comment at all on my weight loss. I have not seen this person for a very long time, and you would think she would have said something!

:cry

[LilMissDiva Irene 3,282]

I believe of course they know. I think the reason could be either one of two scenarios.

Either they #1: Don't know if you would like it to be mentioned and they don't want to be rude or...

#2: They see you are looking great and they are so blindingly jealous, they don't care that they are rude by not mentioning it. It would kill them to say you are looking fab.

JMHO!

[mandi78 3]

Usually when people don't say anything, its because they already know. If they don't know, they will make a comment or ask a question but I think they probably assume that since you did not tell them, you don't want them to know. I don't think they are being rude, I think they are probably trying to not be rude by prying and possibly making you uncomfortable because they think you don't want to talk about it. Just my opinion.

[Mhuire 0]

I agree with Irene. They are (1) jealous and begrudge you your victory or (2) trying to be polite. Either way, they're not supporting you. Sometimes instead of holding our sisters up, women will stand on your head. If you let them. Don't. You're fabulous and you've accomplished something wonderful for yourself. Yay!

[travelgirl 3]

I think they probably know, because usually if they think someone is losing weight without surgery, they will ask what you're doing, because they hope that you've stumbled onto "the magic pill" or diet that they can try.

Heck, I'm guilty of it. A couple of years ago, I saw a guy in my office that I hadn't seen in a while, and he looked like he'd lost quite a bit of weight, so I said, "Wow, Barry!! You look great, have you lost weight?" and when he answered that he had, I said, "So are you doing Atkins or something?" And he answered that yes, too....

I can't be the only one who has done that, which leads me to believe that if someone DOESN'T say something, I'd suspect that they knew and just didn't want to comment for whatever reason.

Wow, I hope that made sense....

[Wheetsin 714]

I wouldn't necessarily think people know. I see nothing in what you're describing to indicate that.

People may look at you and not say something because...

• Maybe you look different, but not thinner, and they can't peg what has changed. (For a long time I was told I was "glowing", nonspecific)
  
• Maybe you look thinner, but they're afraid that it may not be intentional (this is like the "When are you due?" scenarios... you say "You've lost a lot of weight, you look great!" and they say "No I haven't actually, are you saying I'm fat?!")
  
• Maybe you look thinner and they're jealous. In which case they will say to themselves, "She probably had that easy-way-out WLS".
  
• Maybe they're just not the type of people to comment.
  
• Maybe they're really not seeing anything when they look at you, or not looking at you in the way they think you are, but since you're being secretive, you're also being paranoid.
  
• Etc....

[Gummiebear 0]

I didnt tell anyone but my family and everyone in my town found out somehow. I even have had people straight out ask me if i had surgery. Then I am stuck not knowing what to say because I tried to keep it a secret. I think people assume anyone who has had alot of weight loss has had surgery because its becoming so common these days.

[Marimaru 7]

I don't think it necessarily has anything to do with surgery at all. I've had LOTS of people tell me that they love what I've done with my hair, even if it hasn't been changed and it is a mess. I was chatting with my mom about it (it was some of our co-workers) and she said one of them was talking to her and said that he could tell something was different with me but he couldn't tell what it was. She told him I'd been losing weight and he said "That's totally it!"

It's like this; I wear contacts most of the time. One time in school I wore my glasses (some of my friends didn't even know I had glasses) and one of my friends asked me if I changed my hair. She turned bright red when I wiggled my glasses on my face and she realized that's what it was.

[enterprise01 0]

Some people think it's rude to comment on someone else's appearance even if it's a positive comment. Or as Wheetsin said, they may notice the weight loss but worry that it's not intentional. Just last week, I was in the elevator with a co-worker whom I hadn't seen in about a year. He noticed my weight loss and complimented me. He was never fat but was 20-30 lbs overweight last time I saw him and was much thinner now, so I said it looked like he was trimming down, too. Well, it wasn't by choice. He's been sick with liver problems, so that's why he's lost weight. It made me wish I hadn't said anything.

[TracyinKS 7]

If you've been at all like me... I've lost weight SO MANY times that they think its normal.........UP and DOWN... Ive gotten the.. Hey Trace I see your losing weight again!

Or Man Tracy when you set your mind to it weight PEEEEEELS off you! LOL.............. ( I then say... well it's been since APRIL 1st that I've been trying... so .5 to 3 lbs a week seems like a lot all at once.)

[Michee 2]

I am really glad that certain people didn't comment when I GAINED the weight, I was hoping they didnt notice....

[maryrose 2]

Thanks for the replies!

I think I am just paranoid.

I work in a medical facility and had my surgery at their affiliate hospital. Wondered if the word filtered through and they are not saying anything because of confidentiality reasons.

Thanks for all the input.

They have always commented in the past when I lost even a little amount of weight, so I just thought this was a bit bizarre.