Need advice from my fellow Tenacious friends!

[DrPhil 0]

<p>Today was a whole lot better than yesterday. I don't think I've cried that long or that hard since I got divorced 18 years ago, and that was my idea! I think I was just plain grieving. Yesterday I did a phone meeting of Greysheeters Anonymous, a 12 Step Program that is very clear and simple. The meeting was profound, and I kept the phone on mute so that I could just keep crying. </p> <p> </p> <p>I'm getting awfully tired of the pain in my solar plexis! Does it ever friggin' let up? I have two bandages left to fall off, and my incisions really hurt by the end of the day when I'm as tired as I am now. Fatigue is an issue, but I know it was right to walking this morning for 20 minutes with my crazy poodle, Trevor. I walk very slowly, and mildly bent over. I have this crazy fear that someone will sucker punch me in my band. Weird huh? The mental torment I went through yesterday seems to have purged a lot of the terror I felt at doing such an out-of-character thing as going to Tijuana, MX and having surgery, even safe laparoscopic surgery. I have just had this nightmarish Frankensteinian feeling that I pray will leave me soon. Perhaps it comes when someone has plastic surgery too. It is no doubt inevitable that the mind must catch up with the body. I read feverishly through every piece of 12 Step literature in my house last night to remind myself that I chose, this, I need it, I am a food addict, and I am blessed to be back in recovery with the added support of the band. I merely need to hang on until the swelling and gas pain ends. My friend said hers lasted about 8 days, and I'm on day 6 today, so I feel some hope that it will indeed end one day. I watched her have high energy and enthusiasm, as though she had no discomfort, so I am hoping to have some peace relatively soon. But my therapist is also here to remind me that I must be gentle, gentle, gentle with myself, something an addict is very unprone to do. The good news, and it really is good, is that the paradox of faith can help me transcend any bit of my fears. Focusing on my God and the fact that I am a part of a community of people, both here and in OA, who suffer the same torment, will help me to regain a purposeful life. It is the only way; it always was. In essence, I elected to force myself into recovery. There's no going back. I bid you all peace and surrender to a recovery plan the will help you focus outside yourself and way, way passed food. Remember, overeating is but a symptom of a larger flaw in our thinking. We are, indeed, not the center of the universe. Our task is to stop expecting consolation at every turn in which we feel the least bit discomfort. Our spiritual fitness should be our highest priority: ahead of work, children, husbands, money, food, or even best friends who need us. </p>