Support for someone having surgery

[spedersen 3]

Hello,

My daughter is having surgery in Puerto Vallarta April 4..He Health has been declining for years due to many illness and weight.She was on the wait list here in BC,but we cannot wait 2-3 years..My question to others that have had the surgery is... Is there anything you can tell me you wish you had support wise? I want to help her in every way possible,I know this is not easy and just want to ensure I help her every step of the way..Any recommendations are greatly appreciated

[Sleeve1stFitNext 924]

I had support from a lot of people. Mainly my mom and granny. They are my biggest supporters. The best way to help her is:

1) Reassuring her she is making the right decision (Many of us get scared and wonder if we are making a mistake. Do we really want to give up food? Are we really ready to change?)

2) This is an emotional rollercoaster and it is not going to be easy for her at all. (She is going to be moody, depressed, upset, frustrated. In turn, this will get on your nerves but be patient with her, it will get better once her energy is up and she starts seeing the changes)

3) If she lives with you, keep the junk food hidden and stock up on healthy food. If she does not, help her learn how to read the nutritional labels carefully. (Lol I ended up teaching my mom how to do this). Calories, Carbs, Fats, and Proteins per serving size.

4) When she slips up, do not hold it against her, just encourage her that the next day is a new day and to start over. (Remember, someone is being asked to change years of bad habits and like a smoker, it is not easy and we have drawbacks. As long as she dusts herself off and get back to it, she will be fine)

5) Get out there and exercise with her. Walk with her, head to the gym with her. When she sees that her change is helping you change, she will be more inclined to continue as she is as much your anchor as you are hers. (My brother and mother work out with me from time to time. They have slowed down as I am now comfortable to go by myself).

I am sure that I am missing more things but these were the top 5 that my family did for me and it really helped me stick to the program. I am grateful for this surgery and my life changing. The key to success is support, determination, and consistency.

I hope she has a great surgery. I love this tool and I would not change having it for anything.

Edited March 17, 2018 by Sleeve1stFitNext

[spedersen 3]

Thank you!

im her biggest support,she does live at home and I’m doing the preop liquid diet with her..I can’t imagine how hard this will be for her,but know that I will do whatever it takes to help her succeed.Congratulations to you as well!!!

[Creekimp13 5,840]

You're an awesome mom and I applaud your efforts to be super supportive.

Keep in mind, though, that the nature of mothers and daughters...can sometimes require the reminder of a little autonomy. LOL. (My daughter in her 20's often reminds me....Mom I love you, but you have to let me live my life....and she's right!)

You can't lose the weight for her. You can't go through the surgery for her. You can't scrutinize her choices or police her habits....or you'll add an insane amount of pressure she doesn't need and probably stress your relationships.

Be a little careful of being too involved.

But absolutely be her biggest cheerleader. (I know you will be!)

Trust her choices. Be sympathetic. And be strong for her. Being too involved can sometimes make our kids feel responsible for us...and our worries and discomfort. It's the last thing they need...to have to deal with our emotional fall out on top of their own needs.

From one mom to another....it's gonna be ok. Let her take the lead. Work on nurturing the new adult relationship....and try not to slide back into adult-child caretaker role.

Trust that she will let you know what she needs. Be there to do it.

Best wishes!

[spedersen 3]

Thank you!

Yes these are the things i need to know. I don’t want to cause any extra pressure or stress for her absolutely and want to assist as much as I can.

we have a few friends that have had the surgery,and already have been very supportive. She will have them to talk with after as well and these forums are wonderful! I don’t want to smother,or judge I really want to learn just how to support her fully..

[redhead_che 824]

I live a few hours away from my mother and she came down for "however long I needed." I have my BF that lives with me, so he was also there for support. My mom and BF did everything the above posters said and it was great. She was very helpful with making me feel better when I felt like crying (because you definitely wanna cry at some points when you get home post op) and also helping me get groceries because I didn't want to get in a car. But if you ask her, all she did was give me my Lovenox shots in the tummy After my 5 days of shots we were both like, "ok, time to go" I'm also in my 20s so it's definitely a feeling of "I appreciate you, thank you, but I got this now" haha.

[frust8 963]

And thanks to Mamma Redhead, cause she raised you to know emotionally you could stand on your own at that point. Somebody did something right, you sound pretty steady for someone in their 20s.

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