Unsupportive friends

[MC Cindy 0]

My mom reacted like that at first. She said **honey you have the willpower** It hurt so bad that my Mom was upset with me. I got her more information and explained the health benefits in detail to her and after a few days she became very supportive. I think it ws the intial shock that I was doing something drastic. My advice is to inform people and if they still don't support you don't discuss it with them as your true friends will understand and try to help you.

Cindy

[minerals13 0]

Megan, I am giving you grandma advise...but it does not matter what our age is...it is still the same. first, drop the whole lap band topic. It is nice to have friends to talk to about it, but DONT!!! Keep it in your family only!!! This is for YOU, no one else on the planet!!!! You just go do it, and say that you had to have some female surgery..( THAT IS JUST WHAT I DID ) you will not believe how empowering this procedure is!! i had my surgery on oct 12th..im down 18 pounds so far. I am not hungry, i am not feeling deprived at all, i feel awesome. Friends are afraid, that you will eventually look better than them, they are envious, they get really weird about it! do it for you and dont look back, EVER!!!! you need to get slim for you, not stay fat for them!!! good luck!

j

Jetwitch-what great advice! I noticed your age, I'm 56, this is my first time ever on chating, something else to learn. Congratulations on your loss! It is so inspiring to read and see that it is possible at any age. I've thought about the lapband for several years. My insurance won't cover so I've saved and charging the rest. My seminar is this Sunday and I have submitted all my paperwork. Can you give me any idea how long the whole process takes? Sounds like 3 or 4 months by the responses I've read today.

Thanks again for sharing! Hope to hear from you and others.

[jennibee 3]

I started my process by attending a seminar in February and was banded on September 13th. The time goes by pretty quickly with the doctors appointments and whatnot. My insurance paid for mine, perhaps it will take less time since you are paying for it yourself. I had alot of hoops to jump through to get approved. Good Luck!

[minerals13 0]

Thank you! Congratulations on your 36.5!

[minerals13 0]

oops! 39.5!

[Kat817 19]

Some of the issues I suppose could be jealousy, but I can't think that would be the initial response from people you consider friends!

I would be more inclined to think that it scared them! Until you have reason to look into WLS, most of the things you hear about it are negative. There are horror stories, everyone knows someone who had it and did terribly!!!

Unfortunately we do some of it to ourselves. Bypass patients say bad things about the band, and some bandsters bad mouth the bypass. And to be very fair, for many years, it was a dangerous undertaking, and only a very last resort. That is just not so anymore.

My suggestion would be, that if these people are important to you---a friend you cannot imagine losing, take them to the seminar with you. Let them become familiar with the way things are done now. Teach them that the band is not the easy way out, you must still workat it, and you will need their help and understanding and support to get yourself healthy. If they still balk at that, then I agree, there may be some jealousy or something at work and they are not the friends you had hoped they were.

Back 3 years ago, when my friend told me she was going to Mexico to be banded--I about flipped! I had only heard horror stories! I ask questions, and she answered them, I cannot however say I appeared supportive! As she continued to make her plans, I kept looking into it as well, not aware of any of it! It was all new to me, she met someone who had been banded in MX and it was enough to spur her onto research it for herself, and later I used her info and continued the research myself. Even my DD called me on it---thinking she was nuts for going to MX for surgery then turning around and doing it myself!!!

Fear for loved ones runs deep---give them a chance to redeem themselves---they likely do not have the info you do. Let them read around here, or attend a Dr.'s appt. anything that helps them understand.

Just keep in mind you chose these friends for a reason, and they likely just want you safe. They care about you the way you are---give them a chance to prove their friendship is not based on looks alone. I would hate to think my friend thought I was questioning her because I was unwilling to be fat alone---that had nothing to do with it. I am extremely glad she put the thought in my head, and led the way---but my reaction was based on fear, not jealousy.

Good Luck in your research---read lots, and ask any questions you might have.

Welcome to LBT!

Kat

[peaches9 3]

It dosn't matter what big decisions you make in life... you will receive some critisism for them all from others.

1) Lapband surg. solution is NOT easy... YOU still have to do the work, watching your protien, calories, fat grams etc. staying away from EMPTY calories, ie alcohol and icecream etc.. they go right THRU the band.

2) you need to NOT drink for 30 - 60 after each meal... to retain that FULL feeling

3) you have to commit to excersise and a healthy lifestyle

none of the above are a quick fix.

consider your friend ill informed and ignore them

I had the WORST reaction from my (loving) sister!! what a shock! she even called my DH behind my back to see if I had gone 'nuts'...

she will never understand what it has b een like for me to battle with my weight all my life.. she has a different body type than mine..

it is not important that the other people get it.... its only important that YOU GET IT!

Good luck and be strong

[Mariposa Bella 3]

Everyone is right, do it for you. Not for what anyone will think. My best friend (who is no longer my best friend) who I still love dearly, took it upon herself to tell others (when I chose to keep this in my family). When she noticed I was starting to look good and get compliments she felt she needed to let everyone know that I was losing weight because of the band. She made comments like, this was cheating and unnatural and that it was the easy way out. I don't know what kind of journey it has been for others, but for me it certainely has not been easy. And if you want to know the real truth, she is very overweight and cannot afford to have this surgery.. I bet you anything that if she could, she would in a heartbeat. This has put a major strain on our relationship, it is sad. But I have enough to deal with in my own life to worry about what others think. Whether their intentions are good or bad, I could give a rats ass what they think. So bottom line.. do this for yourself, take control of your life. The band is a wonderful tool, for me personally, my weight will always be a struggle. Luckily I have the band to help me in my journey. Good luck.

[hopefulme 0]

This is why I have chosen not to mention to anyone other than my spouse. It seems to me it would be rare to get a postive response - jealousy or genuine worry I don't need to hear either. I don't want to have to explain myself - addiction and all - I know the facts but it is hurtful to me to have to justify my well thought out decision. Several months after surgery I may decide to tell everyone, think it would be almost impossible to tell just one or two.

[minerals13 0]

103 lbs.....WOW! I had not looked into MX, also because of the horror stories. I think I'll take a look now, since I have to pay. Congratulations! The one thing that has stood in my way of the lapband was the fear of yet another failure. I know I don't eat because my stomach feels full, I'm an emotional eater, responding to so many things by eating. Reading others notes I see this will help me while I help myself. I can do hard work but I just need some help. Thank you.

[minerals13 0]

"Take control of your life". What a great response. I want that for all of us.

[minerals13 0]

I'm so happy I found this website....I feel I've found a home for my thoughts, fears etc. Thanks all.

[parrot0927 0]

You have to do this for yourself. I am also a food addict. I am doing this for myself. I do not want to have diabetes and other health problems that are in my family's genes.

[goodtimes 0]

I know that's right. If you decided to base your decisions on what people say, u might as well be their clones.

[Chrisann 0]

My best friend is a guy and I now think we've been friends for so long because I was fat. Now that I want to make a change in my life, he became negative. However, I told him off, like I stated above, and he has become more supportive although not 100%.