Unsupportive friends

[meghan1983 0]

Hi, I'm new here!. I'm really considering having the procedure done, and was talking to my friends about it and I was really surprised by their reactions. Most, but not all, told me that I was crazy and ALL i needed to do was eat less and exercise more... have willpower. They told me that I was cheating and taking the easy way out. I was really hurt by these comments, because obviously if it were that easy for me I would have done it already. Did anyone else experience reaction like this from people? How did you handle it?

Meghan

[kagoscuba 0]

As them if it is cheating that they take a car to work, instead of walking. All it takes is a little willpower to get their feet moving, after all.

[meghan1983 0]

lol, that's good. I might use that :clap2:

[edieparks 2]

I just explained to my negitive comments that I was addicted to food like a alcoholic . I told them I wished I could do what they suggested. I tried to make them feel bad.

I am having the last laugh and the satisfaction of being slim now.

edie

[jetwitch 0]

Megan, I am giving you grandma advise...but it does not matter what our age is...it is still the same. first, drop the whole lap band topic. It is nice to have friends to talk to about it, but DONT!!! Keep it in your family only!!! This is for YOU, no one else on the planet!!!! You just go do it, and say that you had to have some female surgery..( THAT IS JUST WHAT I DID ) you will not believe how empowering this procedure is!! i had my surgery on oct 12th..im down 18 pounds so far. I am not hungry, i am not feeling deprived at all, i feel awesome. Friends are afraid, that you will eventually look better than them, they are envious, they get really weird about it! do it for you and dont look back, EVER!!!! you need to get slim for you, not stay fat for them!!! good luck!

j

[ShhhhDontTell 0]

Ok well a couple people have said some of what I wanted to say... But I will repeat it too....

1st of all, this is an addiction... Unlike drugs, smoking & drinking which you can live with out... eating you can't! You do not eat, you die! You have an addiction... I am sure they have some bad vices!! Ask them how they would feel to stop? And again, you need food to live...

2nd Plain & Simple, they are jealous... You will look better than them, more competition for them... Get over them selves this is about you! You need to think about #1, that is YOU!!

3rd, you can always ask them if they would rather you have a heart attack from being over weight, or any of the other problems associated with being over weight...

4th, taking the easy way out???? are they insane??? Is having major surgery every easy??? HECK NO!!! You are altering your life with a surgery, I would NOT consider that easy but HARD, & it's for the rest of your life!! You ask them if surgery is easy, if they say yes you send them my way, I'll fix them!!

They do not sound like good friends, for a good friend would support you & give you their blessings..

And you know what, it is none of their business anyway... Tell them you are not gonna do it, tell them you need your gall bladder out... Then you go get it done. Then they will not judge you.

Good luck!! I will also tell you I am sooooooooooooooooooooo happy I got it done. I thanked my doc for giving me a new life!

[DonHoll1 0]

Do it for you. Don`t worry about anyone else. Donna

[lillysmom 0]

I have encountered a few of those reactions you are experiencing. Alot of people keep making remarks about me being so young and I should be able to lose it with diet and exercise. Also alot of the people making remarks have never been overweight. They don't understand. I explain in the way that obesity runs in my family as well as medical problems associated with obesity and I am doing this as a preventative measure. I am 26 and already considered morbidly obese, along with the onset of several medical problems. Just dont talk to it about them anymore and when they ask you about it say its not open for discussion. I hope it all goes better!!!

[Arria 0]

Hey Meghan!! Welcome to LBT, and I'm so happy for you that you're considering the band! It is truly the best thing that I have ever done for myself, and it seems like that's the general concensus here!

There are sooo many threads about this exact same topic, and they're definitely worth checking out. Try the Lap-Band Support section, there's one called "Unfriendly Friends" and I know there are more than just that one, just can't think of them at the moment!

Don't worry about what your friends say, this is not an easy way out by any stretch of the imagination. It takes a great deal of effort, and there is a lot of will-power involved (mostly during the pre-op diet phase, and before your first fill) But it is TOTALLY worth it! Friends come and go, and you're not doing this for your friends, you're doing this for you, and you have to live with yourself for the rest of your life. I would suggest surrounding yourself with friends who are excited for you, and who are going to support you. Send those friends you were talking about to these boards, let them learn about the procedure, and then let them try to tell you it's the easy way out.

Good luck, and I really hope you'll be joining us in bandland !

[Louisianagirl 0]

Bottom line they are just jealous!!!!!

[insubordination 0]

I think they are just concerned about the surgery. They probably don't understand much about it. Friends don't automatically have to agree with everything you do but I hope they support you through the various stages. In the end, only you can take control of your obesity and you have enough experience to know that exercising and going on a diet just isn't going to cut it for you. I'm glad you discovered this at 26.

If you friends and thin, they don't, and will never get it. If your friends are fat, they probably still truly believe that diet and exercise alone will get them thin one day and that they will stay that way.

I think surgery is for people who understand that that isn't the case.

[Tonks 0]

I first heard from this surgery by a frind of mine who is a doctor, she explained everything to me, and by the time I was considering it, only her and my best friend knew about it.

Once I decided I was going to do it, I talked to my closest friends and explained to them the process and they were a bit concern but also happy that I was going to do something to deal with my weight, and that all the health problems were going to disappear. BUT, I only told my family (mother and brothers, I'm single) two days before the surgery, 'cause I knew by that time they would not understand it. And that was the case at first... now when my brother look at me he says he is glad I did it, that at first he thought this was not going to work and that I would spend all this money on something that would not work, and he was concern about the risks, but now he knows was all worth it.

Some of the female friends I told were very happy and gave me a lot of support at first..... now, some of them are not as nice, and i would say a little envious, 'cause I'm starting to look better than them.

Just do this for you, for your health, for your life..... stop thinking about everybody else, 'cause the only one who can live your live.... well is you.

[Dave01 0]

I have quit associating with a few people that had the same feelings and reactions. I have found many new friends since being banded that I really dont miss them and thier sacrasm. One of my answers to them was since I had enough willpower to quit drinking and became the designated driver that I must have saved thier lives many times in the past and this is the time I want to save my own. End of story.

Silence filled the room........ Dave:whoo::whoo:

[Chrisann 0]

My answer is straight out, I have no willpower, and I have tried every diet in the book. This is my decision and mine alone, if you were a true friend you would support me.

[jennibee 3]

The person I have considered my "best friend" for the last five years really disappointed me with her reaction. I chose not to tell anybody but my close family (since I'd be needing their assistance) and her. Her words were (and I quote) "So now instead of being fat and miserable, you'll be skinny and miserable" I cried, it really hurt to have her say that. It is often said the misery loves company, I can't help but think that she was scared that I would become even more bubbly (which she can't stand) and then she'd be all alone wallowing in self pity.

I have never thought of myself as miserable in the least little way. I have always been a happy outgoing person who likes to make new friends. And that is just what I did, I decided that if she ever was my best friend that she would have supported me especially when I needed it most. I distanced myself from her and her negativity during my recovery and in the eight weeks since. I am feeling wonderful! Like a whole new person and have finally made the decision to fill my life with people who are kind and considerate. Instead of having one best friend now I have a whole group of good friends who are supportive and encouraging.

It's the second best decision I have ever made. Being banded was the first!