Nerves - babling

[melsabells 64]

So the nerves are really starting to show. I've got 3 days...3 days...whoa!

It's sinking in that my life is about to change, for the better. BUT...i'm also scared. Worry is something that's been passed down in my family, we're all blessed with it...lol I'm worrying about failing. I am still confident I will rock this but there is that small sliver of self doubt holding on.

Growing up I was 6 feet tall in 5th grade...no joke. Sasquatch was the kids favorite name for me. I took a lot of abuse at the hands of mostly boys. Girls ignored me or just didn't give a flip. I was made fun of by them but not to the degree boys did. I still carry those scars, i'm very untrusting of men on a personal level. My grandpa was the only man I trusted wholly. Add to all of that my father denied I was his for a long time. Let me tell you, me and my brother are mistaken for twins when we are around each other. I get called sir a lot...A LOT. All my scar tissue is emotional. I have fought hard to overcome it. I started caring about my health after some complications from diabetes. I am 37 and already had so many health issues. I'm finally at a point where I am ok with putting myself first. I always took care of people, cleaning and cooking. Even being my grandparents care taker for the last 5+ year of life.

I know a lot of you understand this nerves, worry and anxiety. Right now I feel so isolated. I have zero local friends because I have bad social anxiety so I suck at making friends. I know these jumbled thoughts might not make sense but it's how i'm feeling.

[FluffyChix 17,414]

((Hugs)) It's so natural to have the nerves and excitement!! You've GOT this girl! And it's time you grabbed the brass ring for yourself, cuz you deserve it!!!

I so get your pain/maybe even anger and bitterness about your past and all the painful memories. ((hugs)). At some point though, like a phoenix rising from the flames, in order to grasp a new victorious future, where we are powerful and purpose-filled, we have to leave the pain of the past as ashes--no longer visible through our rearview mirror.

One thing I def intend to do upon reaching goal? Get a makeover and hire my niece to be a stylist for me! I want to finally feel feminine and sexy! I was always heavy, thick, muscular and jockish. So I'm going to see what happens! I think we ALL deserve to do that and explore the new person we want to become!!!

You're on your way!!!

[frust8 963]

Reading your story melsabells I feel I could be a 72 year old version of you. I suffered similar things, I even had similar scars. You and I will be victorious over our past struggles, we are strong and we are survivors, aren't we? We haven't had it easy but we have earned the right to have it good. (hugs and a kiss on the cheek). Let's agree to go forward bravely, I haven't had my surgery yet so you will beat me there, but I firmly believe for you this is a good thing. And in a month or 2 when it's my turn you can help me be brave right before. No matter how hard you plan and prepare it's still a little scary. But we can be here for each other and we will make it through. If you need a friend, and let's face it, we all do, I'm here in your corner! God Bless

Sent from my VS880PP using BariatricPal mobile app

[Mattymatt 491]

2 hours ago, melsabells said:

So the nerves are really starting to show. I've got 3 days...3 days...whoa!

It's sinking in that my life is about to change, for the better. BUT...i'm also scared. Worry is something that's been passed down in my family, we're all blessed with it...lol I'm worrying about failing. I am still confident I will rock this but there is that small sliver of self doubt holding on.

Growing up I was 6 feet tall in 5th grade...no joke. Sasquatch was the kids favorite name for me. I took a lot of abuse at the hands of mostly boys. Girls ignored me or just didn't give a flip. I was made fun of by them but not to the degree boys did. I still carry those scars, i'm very untrusting of men on a personal level. My grandpa was the only man I trusted wholly. Add to all of that my father denied I was his for a long time. Let me tell you, me and my brother are mistaken for twins when we are around each other. I get called sir a lot...A LOT. All my scar tissue is emotional. I have fought hard to overcome it. I started caring about my health after some complications from diabetes. I am 37 and already had so many health issues. I'm finally at a point where I am ok with putting myself first. I always took care of people, cleaning and cooking. Even being my grandparents care taker for the last 5+ year of life.

I know a lot of you understand this nerves, worry and anxiety. Right now I feel so isolated. I have zero local friends because I have bad social anxiety so I suck at making friends. I know these jumbled thoughts might not make sense but it's how i'm feeling.

Like me, you are a survivor! And that is huge! Now you are showing love to yourself by giving you the best chances to really live life as a participant and not a spectator. Now that I am 12 hours from needing to leave for the hospital, I find myself at peace and I am hoping that as you get closer, you will find a sense of peace too. This is a new beginning for us. I may end up celebrating my birthday on March 12th going forward. I was born on March 3rd, 1977 but I never really lived. On your day and on mine we will live. Whenever I feel old, I think of Abraham Lincoln's saying, "It's not the years of your life that count, it's the life in your years." So let's make everyday count.

[frust8 963]

A thought from my teabag this morning- say it straight, keep it simple and give everyone your best smile!

Sent from my VS880PP using BariatricPal mobile app

[melsabells 64]

5 hours ago, FluffyChix said:

((Hugs)) It's so natural to have the nerves and excitement!! You've GOT this girl! And it's time you grabbed the brass ring for yourself, cuz you deserve it!!!

I so get your pain/maybe even anger and bitterness about your past and all the painful memories. ((hugs)). At some point though, like a phoenix rising from the flames, in order to grasp a new victorious future, where we are powerful and purpose-filled, we have to leave the pain of the past as ashes--no longer visible through our rearview mirror.

One thing I def intend to do upon reaching goal? Get a makeover and hire my niece to be a stylist for me! I want to finally feel feminine and sexy! I was always heavy, thick, muscular and jockish. So I'm going to see what happens! I think we ALL deserve to do that and explore the new person we want to become!!!

You're on your way!!!

Thanks! I feel better about my past than I have my entire life. It's a situation that if I dwell I stew in it. So I try to keep my hands and mind busy. My mind moves at warp speed most of the time lol

4 hours ago, frust8 said:

Reading your story melsabells I feel I could be a 72 year old version of you. I suffered similar things, I even had similar scars. You and I will be victorious over our past struggles, we are strong and we are survivors, aren't we? We haven't had it easy but we have earned the right to have it good. (hugs and a kiss on the cheek). Let's agree to go forward bravely, I haven't had my surgery yet so you will beat me there, but I firmly believe for you this is a good thing. And in a month or 2 when it's my turn you can help me be brave right before. No matter how hard you plan and prepare it's still a little scary. But we can be here for each other and we will make it through. If you need a friend, and let's face it, we all do, I'm here in your corner! God Bless

Sent from my VS880PP using BariatricPal mobile app

thank you! I appreciate you being in my corner! I know we can do this!

2 hours ago, Mattymatt said:

Like me, you are a survivor! And that is huge! Now you are showing love to yourself by giving you the best chances to really live life as a participant and not a spectator. Now that I am 12 hours from needing to leave for the hospital, I find myself at peace and I am hoping that as you get closer, you will find a sense of peace too. This is a new beginning for us. I may end up celebrating my birthday on March 12th going forward. I was born on March 3rd, 1977 but I never really lived. On your day and on mine we will live. Whenever I feel old, I think of Abraham Lincoln's saying, "It's not the years of your life that count, it's the life in your years." So let's make everyday count.

Thanks Matt! I agree, I've worked on the inner me and I feel stronger than ever now it's time to match the inside with the out!