Nerves - babling

[melsabells 64]

So the nerves are really starting to show. I've got 3 days...3 days...whoa!

It's sinking in that my life is about to change, for the better. BUT...i'm also scared. Worry is something that's been passed down in my family, we're all blessed with it...lol I'm worrying about failing. I am still confident I will rock this but there is that small sliver of self doubt holding on.

Growing up I was 6 feet tall in 5th grade...no joke. Sasquatch was the kids favorite name for me. I took a lot of abuse at the hands of mostly boys. Girls ignored me or just didn't give a flip. I was made fun of by them but not to the degree boys did. I still carry those scars, i'm very untrusting of men on a personal level. My grandpa was the only man I trusted wholly. Add to all of that my father denied I was his for a long time. Let me tell you, me and my brother are mistaken for twins when we are around each other. I get called sir a lot...A LOT. All my scar tissue is emotional. I have fought hard to overcome it. I started caring about my health after some complications from diabetes. I am 37 and already had so many health issues. I'm finally at a point where I am ok with putting myself first. I always took care of people, cleaning and cooking. Even being my grandparents care taker for the last 5+ year of life.

I know a lot of you understand this nerves, worry and anxiety. Right now I feel so isolated. I have zero local friends because I have bad social anxiety so I suck at making friends. I know these jumbled thoughts might not make sense but it's how i'm feeling.