another NSV

Crishell · October 29, 2007

I finally broke down and started cleaning out my closet over the weekend. I had been putting it off for so long. I have lost 60 pounds since my surgery on 1/19/07 and lost 15 pre-surgery so that is like 75 pounds since last year this time. Surgery day I was wearing 26 bottoms and 26/28 tops and today I am in 18 bottoms and 18/20 and XL tops.I have enjoyed trying on and buying new clothes, underwear and bras. But for some reason have been reluctant to part with any of my old stuff. This is my first time losing enough weight that I had to buy all new stuff and in the back of my mind, I have been kinda paranoid and think what if I gain it back and need my old clothes again?

I was watching Lifetime on Saturday afternoon and something told me that it was time. I bagged up 5 huge bags of stuff for Goodwill and a huge bag for one of my cousins. It was very interesting pulling out those clothes & remembering wearing them. But then I got so sad and mad at myself. How could I have let myself get that big? AND I had way more size 30/32 than I recall buying. I have pretty much been the same size for 15+ years so you can imagine the amount of clothes I have and have not even touched upstairs yet. I got mad, called my best friends and blessed them out asking them, "how come you didn't tell me that I was that big?". They all were like "I thought you knew?". Evidently I was in some serious denial and even if they had said anything, I would probably have gotten mad at them for something that was not their fault. I tried on some clothes that I definitely remember wearing and they are bagging off of me. I held them up and they were huge pieces of material. I got depressed temporarily thinking about the past and how I feel as if I have wasted like 15 years of my life, but then I snapped out of it, became grateful for the long way I have come and was able to hang all my new smaller clothes in the old place. I think I have gotten over my anxiety of parting with my big old stuff and I am looking forward to throwing out the rest that is upstairs to make room for even smaller clothes. It really changed my perspective because i have been unhappy lately with this weight loss lateau thing that i am going through despite losing inches and having to buy new clothes. Seeing so many of my old clothes at one time really put things in focus for me. I am shedding the old weight, old clothes, old everything.

juliegeraci · October 29, 2007

That is a great NSV. You should be thrilled! Good job!

JulieNYC · October 30, 2007

Denial, anger then acceptance -- the normal pattern of grief, right?

I'm thrilled for you and your successes. Congratulations on clearing that huge emotional hurdle with style and grace. I can't wait to read your future post about throwing out those 18s as well. You're doing great!

losingjusme · October 30, 2007

good for you!!

i, too, look at my old clothes and wonder what the hey i was doing that big? 6XL anything just isnt flattering.... (but, hey - 1XL works just fine now...)

georgia girl · October 31, 2007

Way to go!! I can't wait to get to the point you're at!! Keep up the good work!

sherilynn · October 31, 2007

Crishell,

Your post brought me to TEARS. Thank you for sharing!

It's hard to say good bye to the old 'stand byes'. Those clothes that covered us up; helped us believe we were looking fine in them. They're a comfort to us. But now, buying size 16 instead of my pre-band size 22's - still doesn't always sink in. I too have held up those "New Years Eve Jeans" that I shook my ass in last year. GOOD GOD - they could cover a VW Bug! Not to say they didn't look good; as I've always kept a good appearance. But man…someone LIED to me when I asked "Do these make me look fat"? I can't blame my friends and or family for not 'telling me'. Because - they did. In one way or another - they were telling me for years. How many times I heard that 'You're such a beautiful girl, you should loose a little weight'. We've ALL heard that before. As far as cleaning out my 'fat' clothes…I have clung to some; just the same as I have clung to my 'skinny' clothes - same idea. It's always good to have a reminder of 'where we came from'. The only difference is that I'm looking to revisit the skinny; not the fat!

Again, congratulations on your extreme success.