To tell or not to tell

[beccaconaty87 52]

I'm going to be sleeved in September and I've kind of questioned whether or not I want to tell people or not. My wife knows but that is it. I feel like I don't want to tell people. What has everyone else done, did you tell or did you not tell?

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[KimTriesRNY 1,853]

I’m in the fewer that know the better camp.

[frust8 963]

There are now 4 forms of communication:

Telephone-

Telegraph-

Internet-

Tell my relatives,

Enough said?

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[Danny Paul 761]

I kept the circle tight. A few close relatives. I scheduled my vacation during my surgery and when I came back I had lost a few pounds. I told people at work that I was in a pool with others in my building to see who could lose the most weight by the new year. At home I told them I was in a pool with people at work to see who could lose the most weight by New Years. Nobody seemed to question it. By New Years I told everyone that I came in a distant second. Now I tell everyone that I'm in a pool to see who could keep the most weight off by next New Years. I like to keep my health concerns to myself.

[Apple203 1,314]

Good tip! I have kept my circle tight, too.

[Acts238girl 73]

I've been tempted to tell people, now that it's almost a month after surgery and people are asking.

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[Apple203 1,314]

17 minutes ago, Acts238girl said:

I've been tempted to tell people, now that it's almost a month after surgery and people are asking.

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So are they being very blunt: did you have bariatric surgery? Or is it more like: you look great - what are you doing? I know I've asked close associates the latter when they start losing big, prefaced with "if you wouldn't mind me asking...". Mainly because I just want to know what works for people!! I think if someone overweight took me aside and asked, I'd tell them.

Edited March 10, 2018 by Apple203

[TakingABreak 2,733]

I’m in the fewer that know the better camp.

Me too 100%

[Acts238girl 73]

9 minutes ago, Apple203 said:

So are they being very blunt: did you have bariatric surgery? Or is it more like: you look great - what are you doing? I know I've asked close associates the latter when they start losing big, prefaced with "if you wouldn't mind me asking...". Mainly because I just want to know what works for people!! I think if someone overweight took me aside and asked, I'd tell them.

Actually, that same reason is how I got started on my journey as well! I posted how awesome my cousin looked, and asked how he did It! He responded in a pm telling me about surgery! If someone truly wanted to know for themselves, I would tell them. But casual, "Hey, you look great- what are you doing?" ...exercising and eating less!

[Normaj3443 40]

I would be very selective on who I told. I told the people at work only because I work at a very small dental office and had to make arrangements for me being out. When one girl who is over weight found out I was doing it her attitude towards me changed completely. She tried being very negative about it saying I'd miss out on all the good food and how I woukd have to be on liquids forever. How she know someone who had a lot of complications with the surgery. When she realized those things weren't going to stop me she then told me "if you get skinny I'm gonna to hate you!" To which I replied "well u might as well start now because it isn't IF it's WHEN I get skinny! " this girl if the office was kisser and I now feel like my job is at stake when I have to be out after surgery. So like I said I would be very selective on the people you tell!!

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[BostonWLKC 807]

My husband was / is the only person that knows.

When folks comment about my weight loss I tell them what I’m doing— exercise, smaller portions of lean Proteins every 3/4 hours... essentially a complete and committed new way of eating. Which is not lying

I think it’s a personal choice and I don’t need the judgement or gossip to complicate my journey


HW 242, SW 236- (Bypass 12/20/17)
GW#1- 199 [emoji736] (2/11/18)
GW#2- 175
CW 190
5’6”

[LoBMI VSGguy46 56]

I struggled with this a lot. I had considered getting sleeved a couple years before I did and told a few people I was considering it. I was surprised at their responses, especially my parents. For one, most people had a pretty negative view of it—even a doctor friend of mine. But it was clear most people were not well-read on the topic and were prone to all of the common misconceptions. At first my parents sounded like they would be supportive but them wrote to me in unison telling me that I shouldn’t do the surgery. My dad had been successful at losing a bunch of weight and controlling his diabetes a few years back but has since gained most of it back. Their thought was that if I needed to have a lifestyle change after surgery to maintain why not just do the lifestyle change and forego surgery. They also thought that if it was something I had to be secretive about (because I had asked them not to mention it to my siblings) then it must not be right. Well, this discouraged me and I decided not to do the surgery but try to lose weight on my own. And, as you can imagine, I did not succeed. My diabetes got a lot worse and I started daily injections. I also developed sleep apnea and needed to sleep with a CPAP machine. The trajectory of my health was not good and I came back to the idea of bariatric surgery. I thought that I would not ask my parents their thoughts but just tell them my decision and ask for their support. My thought was that I had to tell them because they are my parents. But I struggled a lot thinking about how they would respond and doubted that they would keep it from my siblings, who, if they knew, would tell the world. I actually talked to my primary physician about it and she supported me and suggested that since I’m an adult (46) my parents don’t even have to know. So I wrote to my parents a desperate message telling them the extent of my health problems and that I needed to do something. I asked for their prayers. I already decided to get sleeved but didn’t know if I should tell them. I decided that if they replied and changed their tune about surgery and brought it up to say they’d support me if that is what I decided (since we had discussed it before) then I’d tell them. But otherwise, I would take that as a sign that I should not tell them. They just said they’d pray for me, so I decided I wouldn’t tell them. I also decided that I couldn’t tell people in my workplace because of gossip—telling one would be the same as telling everyone. So, in the end, the only people in the world who know, besides the doctors and nurses who performed the procedure and my other physicians, is my wife. I didn’t even tell my young kids.

I was afraid people might guess I had had the surgery if I suddenly lost a lot of weight—especially the few people I had previously told I had been considering it the first time around. So about 3 months before surgery I posted on Facebook a pic of me on my bike and that it was time for me to reset my diet and lifestyle and lose weight. I did start exercising then and would regularly post pictures and updates so that people would get accustomed to the fact that I was exercising and working hard, which would leave little room for suspicion about the cause of my weight loss. This worked really well and I did indeed lose 38 lbs pre-op through diet and exercise, which, to this day, convinces me that I did do this and can take credit for it. I took a 2-week vacation and got the surgery on the third day of the vacation. This gave me time to recover so that I’d be in good shape by the time people saw me again. I had told a couple people that I was going to take my vacation to ramp up my weight-loss efforts and alter my diet. I lost a quick 10-15 lbs immediately after the surgery and when I went back to work a couple people noticed. I went to my explanation: “I had been losing weight since August but no one could tell but me; then when I get to a certain threshold everyone starts noticing and thinks it happened overnight, but truthfully, ive been losing weight over the past 3 months!” I’ve lost 34 lbs since surgery and am much thinner than before. But I’ve continued to run races (5K, 10K and half-marathons) and post about it online. People have said some very encouraging things to me but I’ve been a little surprised that I haven’t gotten more comments about my weight loss. Maybe because I’m a guy—might be different for a girl. Not one person has asked me if I got bariatric surgery, or have seemed to be “fishing” for that either. I’m sure some people think I’m just being prideful by posting so many selfies and race results, but I decided that would be both understandable and effective for keeping the secret about surgery. So far all has gone well—I don’t regret the surgery or keeping it a secret. I also don’t feel like I’ve lied about portraying myself as having done it all on my own when really surgery did it for me because I lost more pre-op than I have post-op, and I have still had to maintain all that discipline since surgery as well. I can eat a lot more than I thought I would be able to, and so it is still my self-discipline that is keeping food out of my mouth, not just the sleeve.

[Losebig 508]

I kept it to myself except for immediate family. Some folks have commented on the rapid change, but no one is fishing. I did realize that most people pay little or no attention to what you're doing, eating etc so that part goes unnoticed at least with a group. I've told people about my strict diet, exercise and supervision by a nutritionist - which is all true.

I do feel bad for other severely overweight people and wish I could encourage them to make the same change, but feel like that is not my place

[MsTipps 314]

I told my husband and my mum. No one else.x

[GreenTealael 25,351]

I'm going to be sleeved in September and I've kind of questioned whether or not I want to tell people or not. My wife knows but that is it. I feel like I don't want to tell people. What has everyone else done, did you tell or did you not tell?
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Only told two people because they were friends I chose as medical proxies
No one else business in my book