im so confused

[brookie 89]

so i am self paying for my gastric sleeve surgery that is suppose to be in april.i have struggled my whole life up & dwn & when heavy have always been told what a beautiful face i have & how nice my skin ismy husband has always treated me well & calls me princess no matter how much weight i have gained over the yrs. my friends are fantastic & coworkers amazing like family.i have been in the beauty business for 21 yrs.& have been very successful.my highest weight a couple yrs. ago was 321,i was mortified & ashamed of myself.i got dwn to 272 last yr and have maintained despite lots of social gatherings,holidays,going out to dinner, & loving to cook.i have high blood pressure & have been trying to decrease my medicine & get off 1 of them & eventually the other but w/ the new bp guidelines my dr. has increased my meds once again,which really upset me.so i had thought about vsg surgery for yrs but could never afford it,well now it is affordable.i am surrounded by clients & coworkers that are getting tummy tucks,breast implants,lifts,liposuction,botox,& other cosmetic surgeries & procedures.so i thought now is the time,im turning 48 & i really just want to b healthy & more active.i have told some friends,family,& coworkers about my plans for vsg & most are very supportive & others think i look great & dont need it & others i could just loose another 50lbs at the most & look fantastic.this will financially put my husband & i on a tight budget for at least 2-6 months & i have my son getting married this yr & we are paying a 1/3rd of all the costs.of course part of me thinks i am being selfish & putting a financial burden on my family & the other part thinks i really need this tool to finally help me get back dwn to where i need to b & to finally get healthy before i get diabetes or have a heart attack.im sorry for such a long story but no one knows how i really feel & the mental torment bk & forth like u all do.i am second guessing myself now & wondering if i should just cancel the surgery & buckle dwn & try & lose another 50lbs & b happy,not getting dwn to my goal weight of 170 lbs. i could try & maintain after that & still have treat days & if i still am having issues i could get surgery done nxt yr after the wedding & after i have saved more money.ughh but the other part of me is so excited & wants to have the surgery done asap & is ready to get healthy & feel better & start a new positive chapter in my life.if u all could b so kind to give me your opinions.no one else gets that this is such a struggle,such a hard decision,& can be life changing.thank u for taking the time to read this, i really appreciate it.

[amybeth150 18]

so i am self paying for my gastric sleeve surgery that is suppose to be in april.i have struggled my whole life up & dwn & when heavy have always been told what a beautiful face i have & how nice my skin is[emoji849]my husband has always treated me well & calls me princess no matter how much weight i have gained over the yrs. my friends are fantastic & coworkers amazing like family.i have been in the beauty business for 21 yrs.& have been very successful.my highest weight a couple yrs. ago was 321,i was mortified & ashamed of myself.i got dwn to 272 last yr and have maintained despite lots of social gatherings,holidays,going out to dinner,& loving to cook.i have high blood pressure & have been trying to decrease my medicine & get off 1 of them & eventually the other but w/ the new bp guidelines my dr. has increased my meds once again,which really upset me.so i had thought about vsg surgery for yrs but could never afford it,well now it is affordable.i am surrounded by clients & coworkers that are getting tummy tucks,breast implants,lifts,liposuction,botox,& other cosmetic surgeries & procedures.so i thought now is the time,im turning 48 & i really just want to b healthy & more active.i have told some friends,family,& coworkers about my plans for vsg & most are very supportive & others think i look great & dont need it & others i could just loose another 50lbs at the most & look fantastic.this will financially put my husband & i on a tight budget for at least 2-6 months & i have my son getting married this yr & we are paying a 1/3rd of all the costs.of course part of me thinks i am being selfish & putting a financial burden on my family & the other part thinks i really need this tool to finally help me get back dwn to where i need to b & to finally get healthy before i get diabetes or have a heart attack.im sorry for such a long story but no one knows how i really feel & the mental torment bk & forth like u all do.i am second guessing myself now & wondering if i should just cancel the surgery & buckle dwn & try & lose another 50lbs & b happy,not getting dwn to my goal weight of 170 lbs. i could try & maintain after that & still have treat days & if i still am having issues i could get surgery done nxt yr after the wedding & after i have saved more money.ughh but the other part of me is so excited & wants to have the surgery done asap & is ready to get healthy & feel better & start a new positive chapter in my life.if u all could b so kind to give me your opinions.no one else gets that this is such a struggle,such a hard decision,& can be life changing.thank u for taking the time to read this, i really appreciate it.[emoji4]

I normally don’t share my story, but yours spoke to me. I completely understand your struggle. I was also self-pay and struggled with the financial burden on my family. I was sleeved on Nov. 21st, 2017. All my life I’ve been overweight. I like to kid that I came out of the womb fat. Right before I met my husband I managed to lose 65 lbs and then I had my son and gained it all back plus 50. I had never been able to lose that much weight before and haven’t since. My lowest weight EVER was 147 and that only lasted a year. My highest weight was 254. I’m only 5’0” so you can imagine how that many pounds looked on me. I couldn’t take it anymore. I knew, with certainty, that if I didn’t have the surgery I would still be obese in 5 or 10 years and most likely would have gained more. The night before surgery my husband sat my down and asked me, “I just want to make sure you’re doing this for you, and not for me or anyone else.” My answer was, “I’m doing this for me, and for everyone else.” I said that because I was to be healthier and look better, but I also don’t want to miss out on anything else. I want to run and play with my son. I want to be healthy when I walk him down the aisle in many years and beam with pride and joy in all the pictures. I don’t want to cringe and hide them like I usually do. I want to travel and see the world and not think about seatbelts on airplanes or getting too tired to see the sights in Europe. So it’s for me, but it’s for everyone and everything else, too. This surgery changed me and my outlook on life. I’m 100 days out of surgery and 53lbs smaller and down from a size 22 to a size 16. My energy level is up, my confidence is up, my health has improved and I don’t feel quite so much like a skinny person trapped in a fat persons body. There’s not a day that goes by that I regret my decision. In fact, everyday I thank God for putting me in a financial position to be able to do this, with amazing support from family and friends. I will finally take pictures with my family. I am finally out of plus size clothes. My only regret is not doing it five years ago and letting the fear and skepticism of others infect my mind. At the end of the day, listen to your own heart and mind. You said you’re excited and can’t wait for April to come. I think that means you know what you want. I can only speak from my own experience, but if I had an upcoming wedding I’d be so excited to be able to enjoy it without the self consciousness. It’s so freeing! I hope this helps you and good luck! Feel free to message me directly if you ever need someone to talk to or ask questions.

[FluffyChix 17,415]

And don't forget, what mom doesn't want to be thin for the wedding pictures...I'm just saying this, cuz I do tend to believe the elephant in the tutu standing in the middle of the room always needs to at least be acknowledged.

Take a heavy look at yourself and really probe your motives. Cuz I tell you this right now. This is not a "gas" or an easy trip. Do it for the wrong reasons, and without putting in a crapton of work (for life) and you will waste your money. Because you will presumably return in a couple of years asking why and how you regained.

These surgeries aren't larks. They are not magic Beans. For the truly long-term successful awe-inspiring vets on here, these journeys are fueled by determination, dedication, and a they travel a pretty straight and narrow path. Your entire lifestyle will change. You marriage will change. Your family's lifestyle will ultimately be impacted. And so will those of your friends.

Surgery is not a short cut to success. There will be doubts. Second guesses and tears of frustration/pain. But there is also health, joy, and relief on the other side. But it's hard friggin' hard dedicated work.

Do it ONLY because you can honestly say that NOT doing it no longer makes logical sense.

Can YOU do it?

Edited March 4, 2018 by FluffyChix

[brookie 89]

thank u both for responding,firstly for sharing ur story & inspiration & secondly for ur experience & wisdom.i have read so much on this forum & others trying to get a realistic grasp on how everday life would be ,before,during,& after surgery.i have even more of a respect for all the work & dedication it takes & everything people are going thru at every stage.i definitely would be doing this for myself for sure.i have fine hair already & now that im getting older along w/ thyroid problem i am losing more & dealing with dryness.i am so scared of losing even more after surgery, especially w/ the wedding in nov. i know i can buy clip in hair or a wig if it comes to that & it is not gonna keep me from having the surgery if i decide to. the lose skin is also a concern as i dont want to do surgery after surgery trying to fix this later on,not to mention the cost.i am also worried about trying to get all the liquids, proteins,& Vitamins in while working as i am a hairdresser & sometimes don’t have time to take a potty break or eat anything & if so am shoveling it in so fast.

[Creekimp13 5,840]

Ah poop...I'm gonna be the wet blanket!

First off...I believe in this surgery 100%, have had it, and think you absolutely should consider it. I'm not saying don't do it.

That said...I question the timing. If it's going to cause financial stress...you might be a lot better off saving for it and doing it next year...because you won't need more stress after surgery, the lifestyle changes and changes to your body are stressful enough.

Also, because of your son's wedding. You really never know when you're going to run into a complication (they're rare, but they happen, and they can result in hospitalizations) And parts of the process are genuinely stressful. Wouldn't it suck to be in the hospital with a stricture, or a leak or an ulcer and miss his wedding? Will you be helping with any of the wedding planning/showers/putting up guests/etc?

2 hours ago, amybeth150 said:

i am second guessing myself now & wondering if i should just cancel the surgery & buckle dwn & try & lose another 50lbs & b happy,not getting dwn to my goal weight of 170 lbs

This worries me, too. Surgery is no guarantee you'll get to your goal weight. Most people don't. Most people lose about 60-70% of their excess weight. To get to goal, it's all discipline, hard work, counting calories, and exercise.

Now...on the other hand...

Dieting and willpower alone... at this stage in life after this many years of being overweight...is statistically likely to fail. I always tell people considering the surgery....research five year outcomes of people who lose weight with surgery and who lose weight through diet and exercise alone. Who keeps the weight off? (hint....the surgery people have astronomically better chances of keeping the weight off, or more of the weight off)

In summary....yes, I think you should get this surgery. But I think waiting a year might be wiser. You need the time to concentrate on yourself and not have added stress of money and a wedding.

In the mean time...you could continue your diet for the best outcome when you do get surgery.

Whatever you choose to do...I wish you the very best:)

[brookie 89]

sorry,didnt mean to hit send yet.you also can’t help but think about all the worst case scenarios during & after surgery.i know all this is normal to think about & with everyones stories,information, & tips the good definitely outweighs the bad.i am not a rule breaker so i know i would stick to my drs.plan afterwards.i would take 2 wks off for sure.i do wish i would have done this yrs ago also. i am so happy that it is affordable now & possible.the biggest reason of all is to get healthy,b more active,& to feel good.

[Sosewsue61 3,185]

Don't put yourself last, that type of thinking is so prevalent amongst 'us fatties', and especially women in general as caretakers. Don't wait. You have already been waiting. And don't worry about needing plastic surgery until that time comes. Good luck and keep reading the forums. Welcome to BP.

[brookie 89]

these are all great points & good feedback.the wedding is gonna b no more than 120 people,i really am not too involved in the planning as my sons fiancees mother,sister,& sister-in-law are really into it & i just tell them to let me know whatever they need from me. also i found out that a good friend of her mother wants to throw the shower so now i guess i dont need to do that.i will b involved in getting the hair & makeup set up whether they choose to come to salon or have people go to their hse.i am really considering not even doing the bride’s hair as i dont want to b stressed the day of & want to b available for other things that may come up.we dont have to worry about out of town guests.it would b stressful to lose my hair before but i could deal w it.im still on the fence for sure about it all.i do thank u for all ur opinions[emoji6]

[frust8 963]

Hope you don't end up in a turban or something but que sera sera. My late mother-in-law wore black velvet to my wedding. We have pictures of my late father-in-law scratching his head like he had fleas. MIL was peeved for a while I didn't utilize groom's adorable(her term) 2 little girl cousins. Also mad we didn't have more music, what was it, a rock concert? At the end right before the benediction which I had asked my pastor to do, my friend Connie sang the Lord's Prayer. I still think it was a beautiful touch.

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