Cheating on your partner after weight loss

[GiGi 1970 28]

My ex wife got the surgery and took less that 18 months to cheat. She was always a chubby girl growing up and now got all the attention like you mentioned. She couldn’t handle it and took the first guy aka creep that said she was pretty. He was 15 years older. Figured out her affair. Shift blame on me for making her do it. Didn’t take more than 3 months for her to get pregnant. During divorce she tried claim it was mine and show medical proof it was not! As she told me it was her plan to cheat and get me fixed. So our kids could only get my money. Narcissist she was and still is. She told me during divorce and trying to reconcile. If this guy don’t work. I got them lined out the door now. Now she dropped the affair partner after finally figured out he is worthless. She jumps guy to guy now. Very codependent person as she needs new guy lined up before going to next. Nothing but pictures on fb n other sites. I let my friends know now about 85% after surgery. A marriage breaker. Not worth it in my book. People can’t handle the extra attention and think grass is greener on other side. Guess what she is out at bars now and I have my kids thanksgiving and for her birthday. She don’t a care for her kids anymore and is is social worker! Definitely be mentally stable to handle that attention. It is a marriage killer

My guess is she is 35 to 40ish. With self esteem issues and raging hormones. It's not you at all! Some women can't help the mental hormones. It's really not always a lack of attention. I'm sorry your heart was broken. In time it will heal. You will move on and find a new love.

Sent from my SM-A716U using BariatricPal mobile app

[amberama76 2]

My husband cheated on me after I had my sleeve and lost 170 pounds.

[ShoppGirl 4,885]

6 minutes ago, amberama76 said:

My husband cheated on me after I had my sleeve and lost 170 pounds.

Hummmm. Could be because he was feeling insecure and looking for validation elsewhere??

[amberama76 2]

6 minutes ago, ShoppGirl said:

Hummmm. Could be because he was feeling insecure and looking for validation elsewhere??

Yeah, insecure maybe and he felt like I didn't care anymore, and I spent less time with him and more time by myself and doing things I wanted to do like running and sleeping and we were repairing our house after it flooded and I was tired of living in a construction site and I withdrew into myself.

[ShoppGirl 4,885]

44 minutes ago, amberama76 said:

Yeah, insecure maybe and he felt like I didn't care anymore, and I spent less time with him and more time by myself and doing things I wanted to do like running and sleeping and we were repairing our house after it flooded and I was tired of living in a construction site and I withdrew into myself.

Well i totally understand where you were coming from but I also had WLS and just went through a complete re-pipe job at my house so I understand what is required of us post surgery and what living in a construction zone can do to you. But I can see how he must’ve felt too. Not that cheating was the appropriate way to handle it. But It sounds like these are things that you can talk through if you choose to.

[LilaNicole20 252]

On 12/02/2021 at 14:59, ShoppGirl said:

I would be interested to know if these people that divorce were obese when they met their spouse. Before my surgery I was concerned about that statistic and my husband says I know what I will be getting when you are thin again, you were thin when I met you and that made sense to me. He knew I am a little more confident and outgoing but for the most part the same person and he is not insecure or anything about my being thin. Anyways, I started to wonder if the WLS patient or the spouse changes more often if they never knew the person when they were thin before?? Just something to think about.

This makes perfect sense to me. My husband knew me thin and so we’re both just excited for my confidence to come back and I can wear cute sexy clothes again. I could see the chubby chaser feeling insecure after partner starts getting and acting healthy.

[LilaNicole20 252]

My husband just keeps wanting blowjobs. I want sex more often. So ivibe. Everyone’s happy

[The Greater Fool 2,039]

It's said WLS makes good relationships better and bad relationships worse.

Good luck,

Tek

[Telly22 1]

I don’t understand why attention triggers you to want to cheat. It sounds like you wanna be free to sleep with whoever you choose. Personally, I wouldn’t sell myself short. Why cheat on the person that was with me through the hard times?

[ms.sss 15,669]

To the OP: If its attention you seek, there is nothing wrong with it if your husband is on board. It’s not cheating if hubs is down.

BUT…if you have to hide it or do it against his buy-in, then it is cheating, no?

Tell him what you need, if you can’t come to a consensus of how your relationship will work, go to therapy (u or both of u). If still no consensus, its likely time to make a decision.

On another note, on divorces and breakups: sometimes people fight/break up because people are people and they change. One changes and the other doesn’t, or they both do, and the inevitable new dynamic between them is just too much for some couples to handle or adjust to.

With WLS, there is a huge change introduced into the mix (in the patients outlook, behaviour, the environment, the lifestyle choices, activities, etc), that of course will have an impact to those close to them (who may react in a myriad of ways)… and all in such a short amount of time. Its alot for some.

Good Luck! ❤️

[SleeveToBypass2023 2,637]

When my husband and I met, I was 270 pounds and a size 22/24. He's a "chubby chaser" and loved it. My fear is, now that I had the surgery and as I drop below his normally "ideal" weight, he's going to start looking elsewhere. I wasn't always heavy. I have PCOS (which kicked in when I had kids) and that's why I'm big now. Before my kids I was a size 8. While I'm not looking to get that low again, my goal is somewhere between 190-200 pounds, well below what he normally likes. We just celebrated 17 years in April. He's been amazing and supportive and very helpful and loving. But I'm also still morbidly obese. I always wonder if that will change when I'm not anymore...

[lizonaplane 1,613]

13 hours ago, SleeveDiva2022 said:

When my husband and I met, I was 270 pounds and a size 22/24. He's a "chubby chaser" and loved it. My fear is, now that I had the surgery and as I drop below his normally "ideal" weight, he's going to start looking elsewhere. I wasn't always heavy. I have PCOS (which kicked in when I had kids) and that's why I'm big now. Before my kids I was a size 8. While I'm not looking to get that low again, my goal is somewhere between 190-200 pounds, well below what he normally likes. We just celebrated 17 years in April. He's been amazing and supportive and very helpful and loving. But I'm also still morbidly obese. I always wonder if that will change when I'm not anymore...

So, this is not the same thing, since we're not married, but when I met my amigovio, I was about 220 lbs. He likes bigger women, and he liked me at that size. During our relationship I gained weight and lost weight from 180-280. Before I decided to have WLS, I asked him if he'd still like me if I lost weight, since I'd no longer be big. He said, "you'll still be cute!" It really was a relief, because even though we're not officially a couple, he's a huge part of my life, and I don't want to lose him.

I just saw him again weighing 170ish (we live in different states; this has only brought us closer), and he still loves me. I asked about the lose skin and he said he saw it but it was worth it for how important the weight loss was for me. He also loves that now I'm able to keep up with him when we're walking. He also finishes my food now, instead of the other way around! (He's got a BMI of 18, so he can eat whatever he wants LOL)

So, the moral of the story is that if your boo really loves you, he will love the new you, too. He will be happy you are working hard to improve your life. And anyway, most people who have wls don't end up "thin"!

[ShoppGirl 4,885]

13 hours ago, SleeveDiva2022 said:

When my husband and I met, I was 270 pounds and a size 22/24. He's a "chubby chaser" and loved it. My fear is, now that I had the surgery and as I drop below his normally "ideal" weight, he's going to start looking elsewhere. I wasn't always heavy. I have PCOS (which kicked in when I had kids) and that's why I'm big now. Before my kids I was a size 8. While I'm not looking to get that low again, my goal is somewhere between 190-200 pounds, well below what he normally likes. We just celebrated 17 years in April. He's been amazing and supportive and very helpful and loving. But I'm also still morbidly obese. I always wonder if that will change when I'm not anymore...

I agree with lizonaplane, I was thin when I met my husband. Like size zero thin because I had just gone through a divorce and I lost weight but by the time he asked me to marry him I was chunky and I continued to gain from there. Now he probably wouldn’t lie and say that I was his ideal size but he still loved me for me. Now post WLS I am a size ten because this seems to be where my body is happy and he acts more like he is physically attracted to me again. You know the pats on the butt and noticing a new pair of jeans, that sort of thing. Although he never would have admitted that he wasn’t before. I think that this would apply to someone who likes bigger women and them getting slimmer as well. They may not be as attracted to you if your relationship was only surface level but if someone loves you they love you for all of you and that’s not going to change just because of a change of appearance.

[blackcatsandbaddecisions 851]

I was not thin when I met my husband- probably slightly overweight. I had been very obese my whole life and I met him during my first weight loss success. Over the course of our marriage I regained the lost weight and then some. I ended up morbidly obese after 15 years together. Now I’m a normal weight.

He has never had a problem with my weight when I was fat, chunky, normal, etc. I am very appreciative of his support over the years. If anything our relationship has gotten better as I lost weight because I am happier and I want to go out and do more things as a family. I have no interest in meeting anyone new or trying to attract the attention of men.

Cheaters cheat. Marriages may end for a variety of reasons but if you want to be in a relationship (sexual or otherwise) with someone else then have the decency to end the current monogamous relationship.