Functioning Alcoholic

[_Kate_ 2,224]

I am going to keep this short (If I can!); I’m English and English people tend to keep things to ourselves with strangers, especially if it is a point of failure so I am nervous about posting this.

I had a gastric sleeve on 23^rd July 2015, so 2 years and 7 months ago and it has been easy peasy with regards to food. I used to think that I couldn’t really support other people as I never had issues with the operation, or the months that followed nor with the huge weight loss. I felt fantastic, healthy and was going to the gym 3 or 4 times a week, swimming a couple or more times a week and walking my lovely Labrador a couple of hours a day. I could walk up steep mountains and still have breath to talk non-stop. Life was great.

My second son got married at the end of Feb 2016 and I had a glass of champagne and a couple of small glasses of wine at the reception. The three drinks lasted 9 hours. For the rest of the year the drinks increased. I would have a couple of glasses of wine at the weekends. Then after a rough day at work (I have a very stressful job) I would have maybe one gin and tonic. That became a glass of wine and a gin and tonic and so on. I would have odd weeks where I didn’t drink at all so I never really saw it as an issue. I enjoyed it but did not really crave it.

Jump to January 2017 and I had skin surgery. Tummy Tuck lower and upper eyelids and a breast reduction and uplift. The first four weeks were perfect and then I started having the wounds split on my tummy and breasts. I was very ill and had to go to the hospital every day to have the wounds redressed and packed (they were black and absolutely stank at this point) initially I had three open wounds and as one started healing another would appear. In all I had 17 wounds along the scars and had to have additional surgery in June to clean 2 of them out and re-stitch them. In 2017 I had a total of 6 months off work because of this and slept in a riser recliner for 4 months.

So, I started drinking heavily around May last year (that’s not an excuse its just the reality). I did it in secret, I hid bottles all over the house where I knew my husband or sons wouldn’t go (like the washing machine lol). I hid them in wellington boots, in old handbags, in my laptop workbag, in the garden, the car, behind furniture. I tried a few times to stop but just couldn’t. I spoke to a gentleman on here who had the same issue in the past, he said he had never posted about it because it would just get backlash and I felt the same. I told three close friends, I stopped drinking and lasted 3 weeks then started to drink more than before. I would get alcohol at different shops daily, so they wouldn’t judge me! Once I bought two ltr bottles of gin and the woman behind the counter said, “watch out, you will become an alcoholic with all that”. I nearly burst out crying, I felt so ashamed. It got worse and worse then a lot worse.

I was drinking 4 pints of beer and half a ltr of gin a day. I functioned well in my job and no one suspected a thing. Even the friends I had told before didn’t know I was back on the booze. Then one night, I was driving home from work, stopped to buy some gin, and thought I’d get some ready made up ones too which come in cans. I drank 3 whilst I was driving home. That was my wake up call. Im an ex policewoman and have been to many accidents where the drivers have been drunk and I was ashamed of myself. I saw the Doctor the next morning and whilst I was telling him what I had been doing and sobbing my heart out, I had a panic attack and ended up passing out. He was so good with me and signed me off work for a month and referred me to a drink and drug support group. He then put me on a 10 day detox at home where I have to take a ton of tablets. This is my last day. Tomorrow I only have to take 6 tablets a day of one medication and the other one has stopped.

I have my first appointment next week with the support group. Once they have seen me I will again change medication and will need to stay on that between 6-12 months. I am so lucky to have had the guts to see the GP and tell him the truth. I feel so embarrassed and ashamed. Throughout all of this I have kept to my eating plan, stuck to drinking 64oz Water, and taken all my Vitamins.< span> I cant believe that I have had the control over that yet not over the alcohol. On the day I saw the GP my Blood Pressure was 202/147 so I have to go every day and its now normal.

I am now 176llb so have put 40llbs on, not through food but through drinking calories. I haven’t read through this after typing it as I might just lose nerve and delete the lot so if it sounds odd or the grammar is poor please excuse that.

I am still having withdrawal symptoms (just the tremors) but at least I wake up in the mornings and can remember what I did the night before.

I know people here who have a glass of wine every night after work. Some people can, I obviously can’t. Just be careful. Please.

[Healthy_life2 8,330]

14 minutes ago, _Kate_ said:

I am going to keep this short (If I can!); I’m English and English people tend to keep things to ourselves with strangers, especially if it is a point of failure so I am nervous about posting this.

I had a gastric sleeve on 23^rd July 2015, so 2 years and 7 months ago and it has been easy peasy with regards to food. I used to think that I couldn’t really support other people as I never had issues with the operation, or the months that followed nor with the huge weight loss. I felt fantastic, healthy and was going to the gym 3 or 4 times a week, swimming a couple or more times a week and walking my lovely Labrador a couple of hours a day. I could walk up steep mountains and still have breath to talk non-stop. Life was great.

My second son got married at the end of Feb 2016 and I had a glass of champagne and a couple of small glasses of wine at the reception. The three drinks lasted 9 hours. For the rest of the year the drinks increased. I would have a couple of glasses of wine at the weekends. Then after a rough day at work (I have a very stressful job) I would have maybe one gin and tonic. That became a glass of wine and a gin and tonic and so on. I would have odd weeks where I didn’t drink at all so I never really saw it as an issue. I enjoyed it but did not really crave it.

Jump to January 2017 and I had skin surgery. Tummy Tuck lower and upper eyelids and a breast reduction and uplift. The first four weeks were perfect and then I started having the wounds split on my tummy and breasts. I was very ill and had to go to the hospital every day to have the wounds redressed and packed (they were black and absolutely stank at this point) initially I had three open wounds and as one started healing another would appear. In all I had 17 wounds along the scars and had to have additional surgery in June to clean 2 of them out and re-stitch them. In 2017 I had a total of 6 months off work because of this and slept in a riser recliner for 4 months.

So, I started drinking heavily around May last year (that’s not an excuse its just the reality). I did it in secret, I hid bottles all over the house where I knew my husband or sons wouldn’t go (like the washing machine lol). I hid them in wellington boots, in old handbags, in my laptop workbag, in the garden, the car, behind furniture. I tried a few times to stop but just couldn’t. I spoke to a gentleman on here who had the same issue in the past, he said he had never posted about it because it would just get backlash and I felt the same. I told three close friends, I stopped drinking and lasted 3 weeks then started to drink more than before. I would get alcohol at different shops daily, so they wouldn’t judge me! Once a bought two ltr bottles of gin and the woman behind the counter said, “watch out, you will become an alcoholic with all that”. I nearly burst out crying, I felt so ashamed. It got worse and worse then a lot worse.

I was drinking 4 pints of beer and half a ltr of gin a day. I functioned well in my job and no one suspected a thing. Even the friends I had told before didn’t know I was back on the booze. Then one night, I was driving home from work, stopped to buy some gin, and thought I’d get some ready made up ones too which come in cans. I drank 3 whilst I was driving home. That was my wake up call. Im an ex policewoman and have been to many accidents where the drivers have been drunk and I was ashamed of myself. I saw the Doctor the next morning and whilst I was telling him what I had been doing and sobbing my heart out, I had a panic attack and ended up passing out. He was so good with me and signed me off work for a month and referred me to a drink and drug support group. He then put me on a 10 day detox at home where I have to take a ton of tablets. This is my last day. Tomorrow I only have to take 6 tablets a day of one medication and the other one has stopped.

I have my first appointment next week with the support group. Once they have seen me I will again change medication and will need to stay on that between 6-12 months. I am so lucky to have had the guts to see the GP and tell him the truth. I feel so embarrassed and ashamed. Throughout all of this I have kept to my eating plan, stuck to drinking 64oz Water, and taken all my Vitamins. I cant believe that I have had the control over that yet not over the alcohol. On the day I saw the GP my Blood Pressure was 202/147 so I have to go every day and its now normal.

I am now 176llb so have put 40llbs on, not through food but through drinking calories. I haven’t read through this after typing it as I might just lose nerve and delete the lot so if it sounds odd or the grammar is poor please excuse that.

I am still having withdrawal symptoms (just the tremors) but at least I wake up in the mornings and can remember what I did the night before.

I know people here who have a glass of wine every night after work. Some people can, I obviously can’t. Just be careful. Please.

Many people have an addictive personality before surgery and it transfer over to another. Sound like you are in good hands with your doctor. Get well. Take care of yourself.

I wish you the best to battle and to overcome this.

[_Kate_ 2,224]

Thank you Jenn x

[FluffyChix 17,418]

I'm so sorry to read about your struggle! ((hugs)) I'm so happy you are confronting this addiction before it can rip your world apart: marriage, children, job, self-esteem.

I'm sorry your wounds are having trouble healing as well. That has to be so scary!!! Please continue to work it one day at a time!!! You can do this! And as you do, the weight will begin to come back off! Saying prayers of healing for you!

[DaleCruse 756]

This sounds very much like my experience, though wine was my drink of choice.

A lie we tell ourselves is that "no one noticed". If you drank as much as we did, believe me, someone noticed at some point.

I got to the point that drinking became more painful than not drinking. When you reach that inflection point, it becomes much easier to quit than when you're in the depth of it.

It's now been more than six months since I've had a drink. I've talked about this on this board previously. At night I have one small marijuana edible to take the edge off. Ninety minutes later I'm ready to go to sleep. I sleep so much better now & I'm saving a ton of money.

@_Kate_ if you ever want to message me privately for support, please don't hesitate to do so! Good luck. You are not alone.

[kakatlady612 1,053]

I second Jenn's statement. Ah I wish I could hug you, tell you things will be better and give you the comforting. I'm virtually hugging you now. You have have been tested tried and been through much that would have totally destroyed a lesser person. I salute you, I know you will triumph and go on, baby steps,until you can run into that sunshine. Your story touched me so deeply.

Sent from my VS880PP using BariatricPal mobile app

[orionburn 1,024]

You were one of the vets I kind of looked up to when I first joined the board prior to my own surgery. So sorry to hear that you're going through. I was well on my way to becoming an alcholic years ago thanks to a terrible job. Glad to hear that you're finding a support network and getting on the road to recovery. Best wishes to you, Kate! I'm sure that you'll get through all of this just fine.

[Sosewsue61 3,185]

Hang in there Kate. You are brave for taking the steps to help yourself. Brava!

Now forgive yourself, you need to love yourself and realize you are worthy of happiness and good health. I hope you find help at the group and with continued medical monitoring. I wish the best.

[blizair09 3,250]

@_Kate_

My friend, thank you for having the courage to post your story. I can't imagine how difficult this experience has been for you, but it appears that you have handled it with both the seriousness and grace that the situation required.

I wish you all the best going forward. Please reach out if you need an ear.

Blair

[Creekimp13 5,841]

Really brave post, Kate. Thanks for trusting us with it to help others.

Edited February 27, 2018 by Creekimp13

[_Kate_ 2,224]

1 hour ago, FluffyChix said:

I'm so sorry to read about your struggle! ((hugs)) I'm so happy you are confronting this addiction before it can rip your world apart: marriage, children, job, self-esteem.

I'm sorry your wounds are having trouble healing as well. That has to be so scary!!! Please continue to work it one day at a time!!! You can do this! And as you do, the weight will begin to come back off! Saying prayers of healing for you!

Thank you so much for you kind words xx

[_Kate_ 2,224]

1 hour ago, DaleCruse said:

This sounds very much like my experience, though wine was my drink of choice.

A lie we tell ourselves is that "no one noticed". If you drank as much as we did, believe me, someone noticed at some point.

I got to the point that drinking became more painful than not drinking. When you reach that inflection point, it becomes much easier to quit than when you're in the depth of it.

It's now been more than six months since I've had a drink. I've talked about this on this board previously. At night I have one small marijuana edible to take the edge off. Ninety minutes later I'm ready to go to sleep. I sleep so much better now & I'm saving a ton of money.

@_Kate_ if you ever want to message me privately for support, please don't hesitate to do so! Good luck. You are not alone.

I was asked if i wanted to do the reduction plan, just drink 5 days a week, then 4, then 2 .. then just maybe one at the weekend. That wouldn't work at all for me. Cold turkey isn't nice but I feel its the best. Thank you for sharing your story.. 6 months! Way to go!!

[_Kate_ 2,224]

1 hour ago, kakatlady612 said:

I second Jenn's statement. Ah I wish I could hug you, tell you things will be better and give you the comforting. I'm virtually hugging you now. You have have been tested tried and been through much that would have totally destroyed a lesser person. I salute you, I know you will triumph and go on, baby steps,until you can run into that sunshine. Your story touched me so deeply.

Sent from my VS880PP using BariatricPal mobile app

Thank you :-) Funnily enough until 2015 I hardly ever drank and for about 18 years not at all (I am an inactive Mormon). I really appreciate the virtual hug too, near enough made me cry

[_Kate_ 2,224]

1 hour ago, orionburn said:

You were one of the vets I kind of looked up to when I first joined the board prior to my own surgery. So sorry to hear that you're going through. I was well on my way to becoming an alcholic years ago thanks to a terrible job. Glad to hear that you're finding a support network and getting on the road to recovery. Best wishes to you, Kate! I'm sure that you'll get through all of this just fine.

Do you know what orionburn, i really do feel I will be fine. I'm just so glad I have managed to stick to my food plan, that has been a real blessing!

[_Kate_ 2,224]

54 minutes ago, Sosewsue61 said:

Hang in there Kate. You are brave for taking the steps to help yourself. Brava!

Now forgive yourself, you need to love yourself and realize you are worthy of happiness and good health. I hope you find help at the group and with continued medical monitoring. I wish the best.

My friend called me last night and told me off for being ashamed of myself. I think I have used the word ashamed more often in the past two weeks than I have the other 56 years of my life. Your post made me smile. Thank you. xx