I'm not a freakin' bank!

[Chelle B 0]

I have been working my entire life. Babysitting from the age of 12. Full time at Dairy Queen starting at 16 while going to school. Non-stop ever since.

I was poor growing up - but had a great family life and didn't really know it. Everything I have today I owe to a strong work ethic. My kids are grown. DH and I are doing fine. I am still working full time, and also enjoying life a bit more nowadays.

So why do people act like I am a freakin' bank? Family, friends, it doesn't matter. People look at my home (which is kinda small for Texas), and my jewelry (lots of eBay and sales) and think I can loan them money, launch their businesses, etc.

I've paid for two complete dental makeovers for family members, because they needed it. I pay a lot to subsidize my mother's meager Soc Security so that she can live in a clean and healthy retirement home. I still give to my kids when they need something (although they are great and rarely ask anymore). But some people......

I have family members who think I am filthy rich. HA! I just don't have many bills anymore - I worked and PAID THEM OFF! Last night a friend (co-worker actually) contacted me and wanted me to finance TWO of his business ventures. One for $25k for day trading, and the other to finance his house-flipping plan. I was stunned. We are not family. I am not a bank.

How the he** do I politely respond to these ongoing requests, and maintain friendships with family and friends? I have smart family members who are stupid financially. I have bailed them out too many times, and never see a penny in return. For those I have always considered it a gift because I know it ain't coming back.

Anybody have any tips for me? I am not rich. I don't have enough money for retirement saved. And I HATE being mean or rude to anybody. I just want to find a good way to say no. You guys will probably think I am so lame, but I seriously needed to vent and appreciate any good advice on how to nicely say NO, I won't loan/give you any money (regardless of the sob story or get-rich-quick ideas).

[cindyluhu 0]

If you cannot come right out and politely say no, why not say something such as "gee, I'd like to help you, but at the moment I am cash poor". Just say you have no means to get ahold of cash at the time being, or that you are investing in your retirement (which is probably a good idea for anyone to be doing). Hope my little two cents helps!

Good luck, it IS so very hard to say no, especially when someone has the out and out b..ls to ask someone for money! How rude!!

Cindy

[nina874 48]

Hi Chelle,

I am with you on this have similar situations myself, I have kind of come to a place where I know who my friends are - and they are never the ones that ASK,and always the ones who want to pay it back when it is offered.

As for family well that is harder for me cos I dont have much family, but if I were you I would start talking about the fact that you have tied your money up elsewhere just as cindy advised.

Co-workers???? WTF???? I would just laugh and tell them that they can have my mortgage if they want it!!!!

For now I would say to him, if he ever brings it up again, that he must be joking you are trying to sort out a pension fund, and no you dont feel like starting a high risk business!

Dont get down about it hon, the people who are worth maintaining a friendship with arent there cos you lend them money, and the people that would be pissed with you if you didnt arent worth having as friends.

NIna x

[Arria 0]

I would just say something like "Because of past experiences with this, I have made it my own policy to not loan out my money anymore." I don't think a type of response like that could be considered rude by anyone...it's a blanket statment and cannot be taken personally by the one who is asking you for your hard-earned money. I can't believe your co-worker would have the nerve to ask you anyway!!

[Nancy B 0]

I have been working my entire life. Babysitting from the age of 12. Full time at Dairy Queen starting at 16 while going to school. Non-stop ever since.

I was poor growing up - but had a great family life and didn't really know it. Everything I have today I owe to a strong work ethic. My kids are grown. DH and I are doing fine. I am still working full time, and also enjoying life a bit more nowadays.

So why do people act like I am a freakin' bank? Family, friends, it doesn't matter. People look at my home (which is kinda small for Texas), and my jewelry (lots of eBay and sales) and think I can loan them money, launch their businesses, etc.

I've paid for two complete dental makeovers for family members, because they needed it. I pay a lot to subsidize my mother's meager Soc Security so that she can live in a clean and healthy retirement home. I still give to my kids when they need something (although they are great and rarely ask anymore). But some people......

I have family members who think I am filthy rich. HA! I just don't have many bills anymore - I worked and PAID THEM OFF! Last night a friend (co-worker actually) contacted me and wanted me to finance TWO of his business ventures. One for $25k for day trading, and the other to finance his house-flipping plan. I was stunned. We are not family. I am not a bank.

How the he** do I politely respond to these ongoing requests, and maintain friendships with family and friends? I have smart family members who are stupid financially. I have bailed them out too many times, and never see a penny in return. For those I have always considered it a gift because I know it ain't coming back.

Anybody have any tips for me? I am not rich. I don't have enough money for retirement saved. And I HATE being mean or rude to anybody. I just want to find a good way to say no. You guys will probably think I am so lame, but I seriously needed to vent and appreciate any good advice on how to nicely say NO, I won't loan/give you any money (regardless of the sob story or get-rich-quick ideas).

For a business venture to a non family member, I would say "I would really love to help you, but I just can't. I'm sorry. Sounds like a great idea though...good luck with (whatever)".

If this was a close family member, I might say something like "You know, I'm at the point in my life, where I have to start planning for my future, so I really can't". OR, "Hubby has asked me not to loan any more money to people, and I have to respect that."

[DonHoll1 0]

My answer would be " What, are you crazy!!!!" LOL Donna

[TerriDoodle 6]

Or you could blame your financial planner if you feel the need to "explain"...and just say that he's got it tied up in funds that would sustain heavy penalties and only have emergency funds in a liquid account. Or just say, "I'm sorry but I make it a policy to never lend money....I'm much too conservative for that."

[Michee 2]

I have not really had this situation, but I have had friends with businesses (eg home reno's) who would expect me to hire them when I needed work done.

What I have said loudly and at every opportunity at parties and get togethers is that I do not mix business with pleasure, I will not hire, invest in, or lend money to friends, because my friends are too important to let material isssues come between us.

I have proclaimed this so often, that when I have been asked, I simply remind them, "Oh I thought everyone knew my opinion on that, sorry my policy is ............. and it has served me well so I am sticking with it"

If they have heard me say it, they will realize it is not personal.

Good Luck with the moochers in your life !!

[Jachut 487]

I would just say I put all my spare cash into superannuation and therefore cant access it till I'm 65.

[Telecia 1]

Being one of the family members that needs bailed out from time to time. I find it downright disrespectfull that they don't even try to pay you back for your help. I know every time I have ever had to have someone help me out I have payed them back every time even if it is 10-20 bucks at time.

Simply because.

One. If you need help again the person will be WAY more likely to help you out.

And two if I was the one loaning/helping I would expect some kind of payback even if it was free babysitting /cooking/cleaning/whatever if they couldn't do it with $$..

But I was always raised with the thought to NEVER mix business with family/friends.

Also I tend to let people take advantage of me to easily. I have been working on this for years now cause I have always been to quick to take in a needy friend/loan money/babysit etc. when a friend or family member needed it. But after to many abuses. Like 900$ in phone sex line calls that someone I allowed to live with me for a month. Or a 600$ pay per view movie bill. I just learned how to say NO much faster now. Because I am disabled and can't handle those kinds of problems on a fixed income.

[phyllisc 0]

Wow Chelle, you are just too nice. Your co worker, what is he nuts??? Sounds like a con artist....All he would get from me is a dirty look. I help my kids out when they occasionally need it and no one else in my family has ever asked for anything. I have loaned people money, but only if I can afford to not get it back. If they don't pay it back, that is it, they had their one free loan.

I just would not do it unless I wanted to. My kids are differnent, that's what moms are for. My Mother, of course, but anybody else, forgidabboudit.

It is not that hard to say no, you are in control, you deserve to enjoy the fruits of your labor and those others don't.

[lessnless 1]

Our generation is the only generation in history that's expected to pay off OUR student loans, save for our children's college tuition, fund our own retirement, and help support our parents.

[Jachut 487]

Our generation is the only generation in history that's expected to pay off OUR student loans, save for our children's college tuition, fund our own retirement, and help support our parents.

And if I hear my mother say "it was tough for us" one more time I swear I'll deck her.

It is MUCH toughter when a house in Australia costs at least four times my DH's income which by the way is in the top 5%. My parents bought their home, now worth at least a million dollars, for 7,000 - my father's annual income at the time.

And my dad's stated ambition to spend every penny he has before he dies really offends me. Personally I'm working my guts out to make sure I can help my children into this impossible housing market when they start out adult life. Pity my folks didnt feel the same - yet will expect me to look after them if they need it. Grrr.

[DerickM 1]

Can I borrow 20 bucks Chelle?

[WASaBubbleButt 41]

Chelle...

Why do you need a reason to decline the request? Why not just say no. I don't like that you feel a need to explain why you will not honor a ridiculous request.