Dating

[CalGuy64 66]

My wife left me two years ago. One of the reasons I had WLS was because there isn't much demand for 300 pound guys in the dating market. While I still have 30-40 pounds left to lose I'm currently pretty average now size wise (38 inch pants; XL shirt). I updated my dating site photos and I've had some dates. But so far nothing has gone past the initial stages. I had been hoping (perhaps unreasonably) that being thinner would have made dating easier than this.

[abefroman329 704]

I met my wife when I was 300 pounds and had several long-term relationships prior to that, so I don’t think the demand is nonexistent or even low. I also know scores of people without weight management issues who’ve had trouble with relationships, so losing weight isn’t a magic solution, either. Any clue as to why these relationships haven’t worked out for you so far?

[Mattymatt 491]

2 hours ago, CalGuy64 said:

My wife left me two years ago. One of the reasons I had WLS was because there isn't much demand for 300 pound guys in the dating market. While I still have 30-40 pounds left to lose I'm currently pretty average now size wise (38 inch pants; XL shirt). I updated my dating site photos and I've had some dates. But so far nothing has gone past the initial stages. I had been hoping (perhaps unreasonably) that being thinner would have made dating easier than this.

I am sorry that your wife left you. That's never easy, man. Being at a healthy weight simply opens the door a little wider to dating but does not automatically make it easier. The two times in my life when I had lost weight and the door opened, I still had difficulty dating. Plenty of 1st date flops! Just don't quit. You have invested a lot in getting yourself healthy and you continued that investment despite the pain of breakup. That's huge and shows you've got some immense resolve. I've only had two relationships in my life and I am a pretty broken person as I am a high functioning autistic, but because of those two relationships I strongly believe that there are multiple people out there for everyone - I am walking proof of that.

[Mattymatt 491]

1 hour ago, abefroman329 said:

I met my wife when I was 300 pounds and had several long-term relationships prior to that, so I don’t think the demand is nonexistent or even low. I also know scores of people without weight management issues who’ve had trouble with relationships, so losing weight isn’t a magic solution, either. Any clue as to why these relationships haven’t worked out for you so far?

That is from your personal experience. If we look into the research that has been done on dating and physical attraction, it has been well-studied that overweight people have a harder time in the dating market. There will always be exceptions, but I am certainly not one of them. Losing weight only opens the door to the dating marketplace a little bit wider, it isn't the answer. I have problems with relationships because I tend to lean towards co-dependency and losing my ability to define myself externally to the relationship. I also suffer from Autism so I have a whole other set of challenges. Finally, I am at an age where, by society's rules, I should have an established career and some sort of "future." Whatever that really means.

So I am not a prime catch. I am overweight, disabled, and was just let go from my job today for reasons that I cannot comprehend. I share this with @CalGuy64, not to gain any sort of sympathy, but to let him know that if I haven't given up with my set of challenges, nor should he. I will only quit when I am 6 feet under. For now, surgery comes March 12th and dating comes at goal weight.

[Mattymatt 491]

9 minutes ago, kakatlady612 said:

Mattymatt I am your spectrum sister. I'm part of a group for years denied, a female Aspie. Not only am I invisible as a fat person, NT didn't take the time to know me and interpersonal social rules eluded me. I have felt,the square peg in a world of round objects. Here on BariatricPal I feel accepted. No longer do I feel inept and innately flawed as i did thru childhood and adolescence. I did finally marry but dating wasn't easy. I couldn't,understand ,inferences and sarcasm. I'm a literal person and few guys could understand it. Will losing weight help me interelate with others? I doubt it but I'm losing the weight for myself, and I'm strong enough to say, not for them. Have a day with joy.

Sent from my VS880PP using BariatricPal mobile app

Dating isn't easy for an NT person, let alone you and I. My heart has been played with now too much. I want to get to goal weigh and stay there for a while until I have found my "new" normal and rhythm. Then I might dip my toe in the Water again.

[illailla 79]

Personally success has been different for me op. I've had better dealings with women since wls than I've ever had before. I'd love to say the weight doesn't matter but I'd be a liar.

I'd suggest staying off of the dating sites. Women become irrationally picky and entitled on them. It's probably best to seek out friends of friends who are single. Or get into hobbies or meet ups that involve both genders.

Sent from my SM-G935T using BariatricPal mobile app

[JohnnyCakes 593]

dating and finding others is hard in general, and even harder as you get older.

has nothing to do with your weight.

[Mattymatt 491]

If you're overweight, though, it does increase difficulty.

[illailla 79]

Especially for men

Sent from my SM-G935T using BariatricPal mobile app

[sgc 538]

I've had opposite success. I did manage two dates through online dating at over 400 pounds. At 170 pounds, nothing. Now I wonder if I'm too skinny.

[Changing4me1 83]

My wife left me two years ago. One of the reasons I had WLS was because there isn't much demand for 300 pound guys in the dating market. While I still have 30-40 pounds left to lose I'm currently pretty average now size wise (38 inch pants; XL shirt). I updated my dating site photos and I've had some dates. But so far nothing has gone past the initial stages. I had been hoping (perhaps unreasonably) that being thinner would have made dating easier than this.

I think it’s hard no matter the size. I was Married over twenty years and when I started dating I was clueless. The site today it’s crazy I won’t even touch that lol. I am Los Angeles area it crazy here . Just relax and it will happen when you least expect it.






Lapband 9/11/07 227 pounds
Vsg 2/13/18
Pre op diet 188
Sd. 180
Cw 169 167 per Dr. scale
First goal 169 2/26/18
Second 150
Goal weight 138

[Changing4me1 83]

My wife left me two years ago. One of the reasons I had WLS was because there isn't much demand for 300 pound guys in the dating market. While I still have 30-40 pounds left to lose I'm currently pretty average now size wise (38 inch pants; XL shirt). I updated my dating site photos and I've had some dates. But so far nothing has gone past the initial stages. I had been hoping (perhaps unreasonably) that being thinner would have made dating easier than this.

Oh and although it’s hard to tell from photo you seem to have a great smile. Humor and a great smile are dating gold Mr. , I think you will be fine. [emoji3]






Lapband 9/11/07 227 pounds
Vsg 2/13/18
Pre op diet 188
Sd. 180
Cw 169 167 per Dr. scale
First goal 169 2/26/18
Second 150
Goal weight 138

[illailla 79]

Intruder alert

Sent from my SM-G935T using BariatricPal mobile app

[Changing4me1 83]

Intruder alert

Sent from my SM-G935T using BariatricPal mobile app

Omg sorry I just looked at top it says guys room but I saw it in main place so sorry forgot I posted[emoji21]






Lapband 9/11/07 227 pounds
Vsg 2/13/18
Pre op diet 188
Sd. 180
Cw 169 167 per Dr. scale
First goal 169 2/26/18
Second 150
Goal weight 138

[abefroman329 704]

If you're having trouble maintaining a relationship, at any size, it's probably worth it to look at yourself on the inside, too.