Just don't care

[Todd_196 28]

The past week or so I've felt like I just don't care. I don't care about my job, writing in my journal, cooking, cleaning, being with my family. You name it, I don't care.

To be clear, I don't want to hurt myself or do anything radical. I'm just tired of struggling every day. I know life isn't easy but it feels like I'm pushing a boulder uphill every friggin day.

[orionburn 1,024]

Eh...I think we all go through that from time to time. Life wears you down. I certainly have my ups and downs and times where I just want to be left alone. I used to suffer from some pretty bad depression when I was younger so it's still natural to have some bad spells from time to time. Now it's a matter of feeling down for a day or two and then bouncing back. Not weeks to months at a time as before.

I was pretty worn down through my pre-op phase. It was a long six months, and yes, doing your journals and food prepping and worrying about the next doc appointment and everything else can take its toll on you. Plus I was dealing with ungodly back/sciatica pain so I was miserable most of the time.

I know it always seems like a crap answer but things do get better. For me once I came to terms that life is just going to suck from time to time and you just have to ride it out made it easier to deal with the down times. Luckily I have enough hobbies to keep my interest going and focus on something other than life in general. Plus I stay away from social media a lot more these days. Not seeing how retarded people are on a regular basis helps keep my sanity...lol

Edited February 8, 2018 by orionburn

[Rainbow_Warrior 996]

You have to re-engage.

Give your 15yo son a role model to be proud of.

[Apple203 1,314]

Talk to your doctor -- there are many options for depression. Don't suffer needlessly.

[newlifeat40 9]

Please tell your doctor immediately. From what I’ve read, there is an increase in suicide risk following this surgery. If you are affected by severe depression right now, it could be life threatening, and it is not your fault. Please make an appointment with your doctor today!


Surgery Date: January 8, 2018
Sleeve Gastrectomy

[Pakko 76]

As someone Who suffers from depression i have to say, that is kinda normal -ish to deal with those kind of thoughts, we are humans we cant be happy all the time its ok to feel sad sometimes but if u feel those feelings are afecting more than they should you should consider getting help, in my experience a psichologist has helped me a lot. And yeah of course you have your family and you have to be a role model, but do it for yourself in the first place and then do it for your family, might sound a Lil bit selfish but being ok for someone else isnt the way

Sent from my D6503 using BariatricPal mobile app

[FluffyChix 17,415]

Life is too short to feel like crap. ((hugs)) Sorry you are hurting. Don't know your particulars (surgery date, weight, activity level, where you are on the WLS continuum, what kind of foods you're eating). So it's hard to get a good feel for how much of what you're feel is the normal suckage inherent with a recent WL surgery, and which might even be SAD (seasonal affective disorder)--plus I'm not a psych, nor do I play one on the internet.

But I will tell you what my psychologist told me long ago: that sunshine, moderate exercise (ie walking out side nekkid-hehe-j/k), eating a healthy diet, taking your Vitamins and minerals, and watching comedies and laughing can actually be as therapeutic as anti-depressants to some people. It did work for me. It really helped reduce my episodic depression and anxiety. But the talking therapy with CBT also helped tremendously.

Don't ignore it. Get up. Today, just focus on laughing. Find something you can laugh at. Open the curtains and window blinds. Walk for 5-10 minutes. Breathe in deeply. And focus on finding joy with your family.

Edited February 8, 2018 by FluffyChix

[kakatlady612 1,053]

Hi Fluffy. Woke up this morning with the blah-hahs, just took my Dexilant, now what to do? Might make myself some oatmeal, keeps me a regular woman, don't,ya know. Since I got postponed I feel like I'm just tredding Water. Did I tell you the last reason? Dr,Miller aka the Gila Monster my semi-beloved surgeon has decided he wants an Upper GI with contrast medium done. Since I'd prefer it done locally (we do,have 4+ inches of snow on the ground) his office was supposed Tuesday to fax my gastroenterologist office. Hadn't heard anything yesterday including a courtesy call from the Xray department at my local inept hospital telling,me if I have to be NPO (figure so) and for how long. Well doctor#1 had not faxed to doctor#2,as of yesterday afternoon so I ate a healthier snack, cottage cheese and pears,and went to Wally World to pick up my eyedrop refill. For the last week or more I have been battling allergic pinkeye. Look,like I've been crying all day, although they're not mattered shut the inner and,outer corners are sore and I have perpetual "sleepy dirt" there. My first instinct is to rub them and that would only make them worse. That's bad enough but my corneas must be a little swollen because I've got double vision. I went originally,to my PCP maybe I should have gone to my ophthalmologist. Well back to the inept hospital, the only reason I ever darken their door, they are close,by. The next closest is 23 miles away. This is the same place when my cousin consulted them for gallbladder pain asked if she wanted a PAP test also. She told them she was nauseated and had pain in her right shoulder, her **** was doing just fine. Looking so far like this gonna be "shall I fish or cut bait?"day. Firmly believe this is the only block to,my surgery day. Verdompt test slowing me down. Surgeon's office says when they get results we are back on track. Could be a slim change,of would still be February. He probably wants to pinpoint the exact,location of my baby gastric ulcer. Suspect it's in the part that's gonna be bypassed not the future pouch part.when they called Tuesday I was at the laundromat, I had been postponing doing it to save money in case I'd be going to Columbus for my presurgical blood work. My social security only stretches so far. Got to call my landlord and tell him the rent rent may be delayed. I can pay my bills up to current, let,part of them slide a month and pay him some, cannot pay it all, or keep money back for Columbus trip to get all the pre surg done in I day. Another rotten happening since I'm widowed and only count as 1 with JFS I lost my free out of town taxi privileges. I'd have to only,make $7000 a year to qualify as of December 31 2017. This after I had booked appointments up to my expected surgery time. My anniversary was the end of March so I thought everything was cool, nope dropped me at the end of December. Budgetary cuts, yada yada yada. So what do I have to stir from my bed for? I can text you flat on my back. I know life is supposed to be beautiful, well today it's just tedious.

Sent from my VS880PP using BariatricPal mobile app

[orionburn 1,024]

54 minutes ago, kakatlady612 said:

Hi Fluffy.
Sent from my VS880PP using BariatricPal mobile app

Ummm...wrong thread? Or meant for a private message?

[Todd_196 28]

No disrespect ladies, but this was posted in the Men's group.

While I appreciate your concern and sympathy, I posted in the men's area to get a mans perspective. Sorry if it hurts feelings but it is what it is.

Be that as it may, I'm curious to know what it is that you do when you feel like this to move on.

Typically, I feel frustrated for a few days, say F*** it and pick up and move on. There has got to be a better way, I know major changes are taking place for me personally and I'm excited about it. I guess its the waiting and the unknown that's just fighting back.

[Todd_196 28]

3 hours ago, Pakko said:

As someone Who suffers from depression i have to say, that is kinda normal -ish to deal with those kind of thoughts, we are humans we cant be happy all the time its ok to feel sad sometimes but if u feel those feelings are afecting more than they should you should consider getting help, in my experience a psichologist has helped me a lot. And yeah of course you have your family and you have to be a role model, but do it for yourself in the first place and then do it for your family, might sound a Lil bit selfish but being ok for someone else isnt the way

Sent from my D6503 using BariatricPal mobile app

Agreed,

As part of my pre-op I'm seeing a counselor, and it helps. I think part of my problem is that I've lived most of my life for everyone else and not for me. Its a struggle to not think and act like that anymore but I'm making progress. Just frustrated that's all

[FluffyChix 17,415]

@Todd_196 Dammit Lex Luther! My bad. (but in my defense, as surgery nears, I am trying to grow a pair--or at least strap on a pair. -- not that there's anything wrong with that)

I usually check these things. Leaving now...

Edited February 8, 2018 by FluffyChix

[kakatlady612 1,053]

Orionburn you may read it, I don't mind,.for some reason I don't have private message capability so I usually put it out here for her consumption.
As to this topic,. I have been perceived by others as,a non caring or depressed attitude. Oh I do care I'm fearful of exposing my feelings and having them trompelled as they have been before.

Sent from my VS880PP using BariatricPal mobile app

[Creekimp13 5,840]

Depression is depression regardless of gender.

You need coping resources. If the depression outweighs your available coping resources (family, friends, other means of support), it's a good idea to talk to your doc about other options.

Depression is an extremely deadly illness. It's one of the top ten causes of death in the US. Should never be taken lightly.

[orionburn 1,024]

31 minutes ago, Todd_196 said:

Be that as it may, I'm curious to know what it is that you do when you feel like this to move on.

Well, for me at least, when I'm down I want nothing to do with anyone or anything. I just end up sulking around the house. What works for me is to basically make myself go to the things I don't want to do. If I don't want to leave the house then I make myself find a reason to go somewhere. To my local hobby shop, book store, pet store...whatever. I just get my ass up and out of the house.

I get what you mean about doing for others and not yourself. I'm pretty lucky on the whole as far as being a step parent goes, but yeah, it seems a really thankless job from time to time and it's tough. Add to that the usual woes in life, and then pile on everything you have to go through prepping for WLS and it gets to be a heavy burden. For most of us food is a coping mechanism, especially with depression, so taking that away adds to the frustration. Kind of like the times when I'd try to quit smoking (before finally giving it up for good). Never failed that something super stressful would happen when I was ready to try, so I'd use that excuse that there's too much giong on and I can't quit right now. Can be just as difficult with food.

Part of me kind of embraces my down phase. I know it's a short phase for few days and then I'll get out of my funk. Pretty much ride it out and let it pass. It's when it gets to be more than 2 or 3 days that I start forcing myself to do something to get out of the habit of shutting down so to speak. Time alone is big for me so getting out of the house if only for an hour or two to chill on my own helps a ton.