How to tell older kids Mom's having weight loss surgery?

[SleeveinIL 386]

I have a 13 year old and a 16 year old daughter and I am debating how to tell them about my surgery. I don't want to cause them any body issues. I am also nervous about their support because their spring break will be spent at home because of my recovery. Spring break will be 2 weeks after the surgery. Thoughts are appreciated.

[elforman 234]

Just be blunt and honest. Assure them that you wouldn't be doing something drastic unless you had no other choice. As for spring break, remind them how lucky they've been in the past to be able to assume there'll be some grand family event while most kids just sit around the house for that week, and that things will be back to normal next year, but this year you're going to need their help. If they push back, remind them about all of the potential health issues you're likely to have if you don't have the surgery, up to and including a fatal heart attack.

Regarding your concern about their own body image, be honest about how you got to the weight you did. Also tell them that weight issues are NOT hereditary (actually, they may well be in some cases, but let them google it themselves).

My kids are 21 and 18 and when I told them I was interested in surgery, all my son said was "Let me guess, you're going to schedule it for after we get home from school in May so we can take care of you, right?" All of the care and concern were just a given, since they know I would never do anything significant without meticulous research and preparation and I never make an uninformed decision.

[dreamynow 136]

My kids same age. At first I hid it. Then started talking about my surgery right before I had it so there would be no nervousness for them. They laugh at me now saying I could never had hid it anyway cuz of my new bitty little food intake. All good. Now at 5 mos they don’t even think about it and they are happy for my weight loss.


HW. 289
SW. 284
Height. 5’8

[Fluffie2006 17]

I would just be open and honest with them. It will show that no matter how hard things can get, it’s okay to get and ask for help with anything.

[Aran1030 26]

I have a 16 & 17 year old. I told them individually and explained I was as doing it for my health. They were nervous at first because they understand the risks of surgery and of course google tells them everything else !!! They have been super supportive during this process with me. I say be honest.


hw: 246 sw: 235 cw: 213 gw: ?
Sleeved :Dec 19, 2017

[Jerseygirl4523 44]

I was 20 when my mom got her surgery. It was very much “I have these issues (high blood pressure in her case) and I need to do something quickly to get this under control. My doctor and I have decided on Xyz...” and that was that. My moms blood pressure actually because so uncontrollable they told her it was wls or open heart surgery. They then pushed her straight thru the process so she had her surgery relatively quickly.

I would like to point out that if your kids are older and heavier, they’re more likely to hold some resentment. I was angry with my mom. Her health had gotten so out of control. And now she was being rewarded with wls. She was going to lose weight—she was doing something for herself that she could never and would never do for me. It hurt. That was 3 years ago and I’ve learned and let go. But everyone comes around in their own time.

My dad called me many times before her surgery, I was away at college. He would complain about this and that and what are we going to do together, blah blah blah. I warned him he would need to find things to do or places to go out that didn’t revolve around food. In the months after her these types of calls continued. It was not until recently that I realized how inappropriate they were.

[MrsGamgee 756]

I have a 5yo and a 7yo, and I have talked openly about my surgery with them from the beginning. We talk about what healthy eating and activity looks like, the fact that I'm doing this to improve my health, and that it's not just to be skinny. I think if you're clear about your motivation and what you're hoping your outcomes will be, then they will understand.

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