Family member not being supportive...

[Fluffie2006 17]

On 1/26/2018 at 5:49 PM, DRoseman said:

I'm devastated, I finally chose my surgeon and thought that my life (and health) was going to change soon and for the better only to find out its going to take me another year to start from scratch to save up the money.

DR Potential Sleever

I'm sorry love. :[

[Fluffie2006 17]

On 1/26/2018 at 9:55 PM, XYZXYZXYZ1955 said:

If it's fear of the surgery, you can find the statistics on how relatively safe this surgery is (about like having your gall bladder out) or statistics on the health risks of obesity (or just list the stats on improvement of things like diabetes and blood pressure issues).

The problem, as many who haven't fought this fight don't know, is not in losing weight. We've all lost lots of weight! The problem is keeping it off--and while even those who have had surgery to help them do sometimes gain the weight back, those who have not had the surgery are almost certain to do so (it's something like 95 percent, seriously). I don't know the stats on what percentage who have had surgery regain, but I'll guarantee it's a lower percentage!

I've been reading a lot of posts on this site for a long time, and I haven't seen a single post, I don't think, from anyone doing this surgery out of vanity. Sure, we'd all like to look good, but we do this surgery for health issues and for--how to put it? To make life easier with issues such as sitting in airplane seats or going to amusement parks with their kids or walking or being respected at work or . . . well, there's a very long thread on the topic of why people decided to have the surgery.

You know your reasons and you're old enough to make the decision. I hope your mother comes around sooner rather than later or never, but either way . . . you have to do what's right for you.

Good luck!

I hope shes does. thank you hun!

[kakatlady612 1,053]

@DRoseman its me, your downstate buddy. D I hope he enjoys snuggling his shingles and gets emotional satisfaction from his dearly beloved roof. Gosh I wish I could win the Ohio Lottery, it would help if I could buy my house so Tomkitten wouldn't have to worry about shelter if anything happens to me but i, could help fund your surgery too. Now you'll have to start your dedicated fund all over, it is not fair. You're selfish? Yeah like a heart attack is selfishness. Oooh if I were there I'd like to b***** slap him, wouldn't solve anything, but it would be so justified and I'm not really a violent person. D honey please keep me updated, okay?

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[Elizabeth 06388 31]

I feel you. My mother thinks I can just diet. Why don't you just stop eating junk food? She doesn't understand it is more than that.

My mother is the same way...she's always been skinny.

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[Fluffie2006 17]

My mother, when she was younger was overweight and yo-yoed with it. You think she would fill my pain and struggles (She also has no disorders or diseases). But the last 15-20 years my moms weight has stayed at like 150-155, and shes 5'5". She also had my cousin, who I cherish with all of my heart tell me that she doesn't want me to have surgery too. 97 percent of my family members on my mothers side are all skinny... you think they would want what's best for me...

[blind unicorn 6]

my mother in law sent this in the mail today. She knows I'm on a supervised diet and getting ready for surgery.

[Fluffie2006 17]

2 minutes ago, blind unicorn said:

my mother in law sent this in the mail today. She knows I'm on a supervised diet and getting ready for surgery.

That's horrible. That's something my mother in law and grandmotherinlaw would do if they were still alive... I'm sorry.

[kakatlady612 1,053]

It would be humorous if it weren't so danged irritating, and it would my late mother in law doing it.

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[Losebig 508]

51 minutes ago, blind unicorn said:

my mother in law sent this in the mail today. She knows I'm on a supervised diet and getting ready for surgery.

I’d donate them immediately and not even open them. That way its a win win, she spends a lot of money to buy and send you stuff and it benefits a good cause too. Pretty unbelievable, she must be a special person.

[sleeved2win 79]

my mother in law sent this in the mail today. She knows I'm on a supervised diet and getting ready for surgery.

My mom would do this all the time. Bring bags of candy, twinkles, pie to my house when I would be on weight watchers or trying to lose weight. So I would say "thank you for the thought" and throw them away in front of her. The first time I did it the look on her face was priceless and eventually she stopped bringing them by. In fact, she started bringing healthy foods like bags of salad and carrots. I had to lay down strict boundaries because asking her not to do that sort of thing fell on deaf ears.

You might be in the same situation. If I were you, I would make sure your MIL knows those cakes were donated. Be sure to thank her for the thought, and then say how happy the donation people looked when they saw you coming. That way, at least you're being nice, you're acknowledging that she was trying to do a nice thing, but also making it clear that you're not keeping that food in the house anymore. This looks very passive aggressive to me.

[Jade5 58]

17 hours ago, blind unicorn said:

my mother in law sent this in the mail today. She knows I'm on a supervised diet and getting ready for surgery.

17 hours ago, blind unicorn said:

my mother in law sent this in the mail today. She knows I'm on a supervised diet and getting ready for surgery.

I would gift wrap them up in a big box, and send them right back to her.

[Creekimp13 5,840]

blind unicorn....at least tell me you have kids and it was mean to be a gift for them???

How bizarre!

[blind unicorn 6]

blind unicorn....at least tell me you have kids and it was mean to be a gift for them???
How bizarre!

No kids!!! No excuse for this other than to be mean I believe.

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[Creekimp13 5,840]

That is both tragic and hysterical. She's a piece of work. Or she's senile...or maybe she's scared you'll leave her son for someone else when you get fit? Who knows. But yeah...a Soup kitchen or woman's shelter would love that stuff:)

[elforman 234]

I suppose I’m lucky in that I’ve never really cared much about what others think. My mother disagreed with me on so many things when I was younger. For example, I’m an atheist, she took that as a personal insult; I moved in with my girlfriend before we married, she was not supportive of that, and so on. I’m not happy that she died nearly 22 years ago, but if there is a silver lining it's that we’d have clashed so often on how I raised my own kids that I’d likely have had to cut off contact with her anyway.

The only person whose opinion matters now is my wife and we’ve never been less than fully supportive of each other. My wife has seen me balloon up and down with my weight and while I know if I worked my ass off I could lose all the weight on my own again, she understands that it’s gotten harder with arthritis and other physical problems I’ve developed. Plus, she was in an auto accident and been on disability since December 2016, so I’ve been the one to take care of her and I trust her to return the favor without criticism. My surgery will be about six weeks after she has a knee replacement, and the kids will be home from college at that point, so they’ll be able to pick up any slack that she can’t handle.

Anyway, the moral of the story is the only approval you need is from the person who’s going to be helping you through this and everyone else is irrelevant. I’ve seen stories about wives who say their husbands won’t support them and vice versa, and in those cases I can’t help but think that marriage is already doomed. If a spouse announces in advance that they’re not going to be supportive of their mate going through a major, life-preserving procedure, then just what will they support? I can imagine having told my wife she was on her own after the accident and I still expect her to continue doing her share of the housework…

Edited February 1, 2018 by elforman