Daughter Jealous

[Jazlady 1]

My daughter has always been very supportive of my lapband success until now. I'm around her size now and soon will be smaller than her. She just can't handle it. It was OK as long as I was 'big Momma'. She's put on a little weight recently and I know her weight is a big issue to her. Well I made a comment to her and was just kidding and now she's so angry at me she won't speak to me. She was saying that she needed to buy some new bigger clothes. And I told her that she could give her old smaller clothes to me. She told me how could I think that was even funny? And I said that it's going to happen one day. So now I feel like she's spoiling it for me that I can't even share my success with her anymore. Jeanie

[tonya66 13]

Maybe you could encourage her to exercise with you? Or tell her you didn't mean to be hurtful and that you are just so excited about your weightloss and it has been years since you have been this weight? Explain to her your feelings.

I have a problem with my cousin, she is really jealous of my success, but I've been trying to encourage her and that has seemed to help. She had RNY 2 months before I had my Lap Band, I've lost more weight than she has - which is weird, but true.

[StephC 0]

Jeanie I'm also closing in on my daughters size. In fact I've already been in her closet and can actually wear a few of her things, bad thing is that she's in college and her closet at home is pretty empty. She doesn't seem to be jealous but instead she has gotten encouraged to lose some weight too. She's not heavy but was about 15 lbs overweight and she's down 6-7 lbs and her goal is just 8 more pounds. She also is planning a May 2009 wedding so she wants to be at her ideal weight then. The one thing that has really helped us is that we are different body types. She is a total hourglass, busty with a small waist, her butt is kinda flat (which is a joke between all of us) and I'm an apple, I have a thick waist and a small round butt. I just keep telling her even if I do get into a smaller size then her we aren't going to look the same. Even if I have a Tummy Tuck we won't look the same! LOL

I think she likes the thinner me better, I'm sure I'm alot more fun to take shopping now.

[Daisalana 33]

Jaz- I can kind of relate, my whole life I've been big, in elementary school I was wearing men's clothing (before they had the trendy plus size clothes for girls).. My mom has always been a size 12-14 at 5'10ish. I always resented her for the clothes she could wear, but I couldn't. I got over it, for the most part. It only rears its ugly head when there's something I really like (a cute sweater for example) and it only comes in her smaller sizes. Then she gets it, and everytime I see it, I have bad mojo.

You could try to help her eat better, or exercise.. But honestly, none of that ever helped me either :eek: How old is your daughter? Is she a candidate for lap-band?

[Jazlady 1]

She is 20 but is only 20 lbs. overweight. She's in 10/12's so she looks good as she's taller than me. But the issue is that as I move into 10's that's when she started having a problem.

[OH Juli 15]

Jazlady,

Maybe you hurt her feelings and she doesn't have the vocabulary to say ouch. It's never fun to have someone make a comment about your weight, even if she or he is just kidding.

You could try having a heart to heart.

I offered my bigger clothes to my sister who said, "screw you, I plan on losing too." I got the message she didn't want to have THAT conversation with me. So I let it drop. I've always been bigger than her and now we are about the same size.

[nina874 48]

Hi again Jaz!

Oooooh that is never going to be an easy conversation.....

All I can say is that just after I had had one of my kids, and was feeling near hysterical as I couldnt get my jeans past my knees, my sister who - god love her - had just lost a heap of weight, came round to my house to raid my wardrobe.As she was piling stuff up on the bed ( to be fair I had said that she could borrow some stuff) I made a noise of protest, to be greated with the comment ' you wont need these for months if ever dont be so mean'

True .....yes.... but OUCH did it hurt!!!

I guess what I am saying is that although I was sooooo pleased for my sis, and I really was ,we are very very close, it still really hurt.

I would just give her a hug and say that you are sorry, I do see your point of veiw totally but at the moment you are on top of the world and she is a bit down so be the better person.

Have to say though.... you do look fab at the moment hon :eek:

love and hugs

Nina x

[newgirl07 0]

I'd be careful about asking her to exercise with you; that can be interpreted as hurtful too. I like what others said here; just give a heartfelt apology and no more jokes. As you get smaller just keep telling your daughter she's beautiful and you're proud of her. Don't resent her jealousy; she's only human. You can be the "bigger" person and rise above it. Ultimately, it's her decision how to react.

[HAPPY21<3 0]

Hi, and congrats on your weight loss. Its not that she is jealous of you, remember when people would comment on your weight? That's why she is angry with you. Out of all people you should know how if feels to know your gaining a little weight and someone tells you. Its hard for me to not say anything to friends and family that use to tell me i was fat and now they are gaining weight and im losing. When she says something about her weight just say, lets go for a walk together or something like that. Don't put her down even though you think your not and i understand your not doing it on purpose. You just have to becareful on what you say esicially to teenagers.

[Arin 0]

Although this may not be true for everyone...No matter how much encouragement my mom has offered through the years, she has always suffered the wrath of all of my tantrums, breakdowns, freakouts etc...My mom is my best friend it the world, the maid of honor at my wedding even, but I have made her suffer and probably still do sometimes...That being said, she has always been much smaller than me, and I do get jealous of her often. She has always been very supportive in my attempts to lose weight, but I can always take kind words and make them mean with my Mom...If you just talk to your daughter, you guys will find that common ground again. Hurt feelings take time to heal, weather it was intentional or not. Good luck, and congrats on your success!!!

[Jazlady 1]

Well we spent some time talking last night about this and she said that she was upset about how my comment sounded. But she did want me to continue to share my success with her. I apologized if I hurt her but told her that was not my intention. I'm just glad we could move past it. I never thought this would be a problem between us. Thanks for all your advise. Jeanie

[cookielover 1]

I am glad you and your daughter worked it out. You are very beautiful, and I am betting that your daughter is a beauty too!

[WASaBubbleButt 41]

Jazlady,

Maybe you hurt her feelings and she doesn't have the vocabulary to say ouch. It's never fun to have someone make a comment about your weight, even if she or he is just kidding.

You could try having a heart to heart.

I offered my bigger clothes to my sister who said, "screw you, I plan on losing too." I got the message she didn't want to have THAT conversation with me. So I let it drop. I've always been bigger than her and now we are about the same size.

I was trying to find the words and couldn't so started reading to see if anyone else had similar thoughts.

I agree with the above.

It wasn't nice when people would kid us when we were bigger, it doesn't feel any better to them.

Personal opinion, I think you owe her an apology.

[Jachut 487]

Oh dear, truth is I think that remark was a little insensitive. It wasnt the wisest thing to say.

Look, you just have to enjoy your own success, you cant be responsible for everyone else. I've lost all my weight just as my baby sister has begun gaining quite alarmingly, for the first time in our lives ever she's bigger than me. Its really eating her up, although she's nice as nice to me about it, but its a type of jealousy that is NOT nasty, its miserable. So I just try not to let conversation get onto my weight around her, I try not to rub it in. And in turn, she says nice things to me about it.

I wish I wasnt upsetting her just by being what I am. But I cant lose her weight for her, so as long as we're sensitive to each other about it, then our relationship is fine.