New... Spouses reactions post op

[Just4nise 24]

Good evening,

After many years of self reflexion, I have decided that surgery is something I am ready to seriously persue. I recently started researching the different surgeries, side effects, and have started the initial process with one of the local wls programs available in my area. One of the things I'm am finding little information on is how the surgery has affected the significant others/spouses of those who have had the surgery. Has the experience been a positive change for them as well as the patient or not?

[Creekimp13 5,840]

Can only speak for my own experience.

My hubby has been awesome. Super supportive, super considerate about not bringing junk into the house.

He's a normal weight guy, and he's enjoying my new interest in going for walks and doing more active things together.

A lot of my new healthier habits are things he's been pushing for forever...(he hates fast food, loves salads, likes cooking together...he's a fruit and vegetable enthusiast)

It's been a lot of fun. He keeps telling me sex is good exercise. LOL.

Today, I mentioned in passing that I could eat apples again, but needed to peel them for another two weeks. I was in the bathtub later, and he brought me a bowl of peeled apple slices with a little cinnamon and splenda, and a cup of tea.

Incidentally...this guy loved me and told me I was gorgeous at my heaviest. He's a keeper. 25 years this year.

[KatFight 207]

My husband, like Creekimp13 (congratulations on 25 years together), has been very supportive and positive. He was happy after surgery. I said, "you're so happy and I'm the one who had the surgery." Part of it was being done with that part of this wls adventure and the other part was pure emotion. It was great to see how much it meant to him to come this far. He has embraced me at every size.

[ItsJustMeToo 42]

Supportive spouse here, too. He attended my pre-op class and I think hearing some of the basics has been super good for him in understanding my needs and changes.

[Just4nise 24]

Thank you all. It's good to hear that. My husband has always been supportive of me at any weight and we've always had a strong marriage. To be honest this wasn't something I even considered in my research until he asked me if I had looked into it.

[TakingABreak 2,733]

My husband fell in love with me while I was heavy. However, I know we will have more opportunities together once I’m thinner and more healthy. He has been with me every step of the way.
That being said, I will say that it was something brought up in my psych evaluation. The doctor specifically asked if I thought my husband would “sabotage” me. I was at first a little offended, but he went on to explain that it does happen to some people. Many people have described that their relationships with others change significantly.
Nonetheless, congrats on your decision and good luck! This is a great community to get answers like this one.

[jrmoseley 101]

My husband went with me to all my appointments and was and is very supportive. That being said, I thnk he was terrified about the surgery and its immediate aftermath, which was similar to when I had a hysterectomy 15 years ago. I felt a similar terror when he had emergency surgery for a spinal infection.

My husband has struggled with his own weight issues, and he finds the benefit to him in my surgery is that we eat a lot differently now (I'm 4 months post surgery.) I'm very focused on lean, healthy Proteins, and there just isn't room for much else. He consumes his "extra" calories during the workday, and then enjoys whatever I make (if indeed I make anything--if I don't he forages) for dinner on weeknights, and then he cooks weekends. He's pretty sensitive to what I can eat. Yesterday he made a beef stew, and asked if it would bother me if he baked bread. It didn't--I can't eat it (it hurts) but I still love the smell of it.

As a general rule, I think it's pretty individual. If your spouse is used to you taking care of them, and is resistant to those roles changing, it may be a tough time for them. Because there is at least a period of time when they have to be the supportive spouse. The months after surgery are difficult for most WLS patients, with a lot of hard work and a steep learning curve and we need a lot of support. For some spouses, that's not hard at all, and they slip into it naturally. But I know a few members of my support group for whom the surgery made already-present problems in their marriages that much worse.

[Creekimp13 5,840]

2 minutes ago, jrmoseley said:

"For some spouses, that's not hard at all, and they slip into it naturally. But I know a few members of my support group for whom the surgery made already-present problems in their marriages that much worse."

Yep, I noticed this at my support group, too.

[Beardman 52]

My wife's decision to get the sleeve is what made me decide to go through the process as well. We were sleeved 1 month apart. Super nice to basically be living/learning this new lifestyle together.

[blizair09 3,250]

My partner and I ended our relationship after 8.5 years last July. We were both very heavy (at my biggest, I weighed 400 and he weighed 315). He lost down to 200 without surgery, and at that time (about 3 months post-op for me), I was about 250. When I eventually got my weight below his, he had a very hard time with it. (I didn't realize how much of our identity -- in his head at least -- was wrapped up in him being smaller than me.) He was semi-supportive during the entire 225 pound loss journey; however, when it became inconvenient for him, he certainly acted out. (For instance, when I wouldn't drink alcohol for 9 months -- my entire 6 month pre-op diet program and the first 3 months post-op -- he was a b***h about it all the time...)

While we definitely had other problems, and everything worked out for the best, the weight loss did have a bearing on the whole thing. I hate being stereotypical more than anything, but it did happen...

[Just4nise 24]

Sorry to hear things went south, thank you for sharing your experience with me.

[Nagas1234 2]

I am 1 week post op and my wife is having a difficult time dealing with my new eating habits. Prior to surgery, eating was our pastime, our social moment, our thing to do. Now (especially since I am currently on liquids only), she's uncomfortable eating in front of me, feels that we need to just stay home and that she lost a part of me that she loved (the BIG foodie). Mind you, I still prepare her meals for dinner (breakfast and lunch as well in weekends) and sit at the dinning table with my chicken broth. She says she concerned of the negative health effects, but I think it's more than that. Prior to all this, she (as well as I) and a group of friends attended the initial seminar, to pursue the sleeve. My insurance covered 100%, while hers required a 3k copay, of which I said, "if this is something you really want to do, we'll figure it out." I completed all of my requirements while she opted to go another route... to take weight loss pills. I am trying to stay positive and reassure her that nothing has changed and that I will stay ahead of my health, but it worries me.

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