Who did you tell? Choosing your support carefully...

[ajmsp8879 24]

Probably been asked an answered, but who did you tell? I have elected NOT to tell my immediate family members. All are obese or morbidly obese, yet NONE have moved forward with surgery. My aunt is the ideal candidate, yet her children blasted her for even thinking about it. She has now had two knee replacement surgeries and will likely be dead before she reaches 70 from obesity-related ailments. My sister just got diagnosed with type 2 diabetes and put on metformin, has sleep apnea, arthritis, GERD, and a host of other obesity-related issues. Yet, when I asked her if she had ever explored WLS, she was appalled by the idea and stated she didn't want "loose skin" and that people gain the weight back anyway and lose teeth from malnourishment. Clearly, my family is ill-informed and I feel as though making them part of my decision would actually cause more mental stress. I plan to bring a friend with me surgery day and will be keeping my business to myself. I'll just tell the family I had hiatal hernia repair (which will likely happen anyway). Perhaps after they see my results, I will share my choice with them. However, I'm concerned about how the psych eval will go given this aspect.

Doc: "Tell me about your support system..."

Me: "Ummm, friends?"

Thoughts?

[EagerPenguin 159]

I've chosen to tell all just about my entire network, including coworkers. I'm an RN, and work at a hospital and am easily the biggest person in my unit. I've gotten all positive feedback so far, and it has opened up the dialogue for acquaintances to mention they've noticed my weight loss, which helps keep me going, just knowing others are noticing. When I told my friends and family, a couple were concerned about long term effects of the diet, but were also incredibly supportive. I didn't tell my sister or my extended family on my mom's side because we don't get along the best, but that's the only reason.

[DaleCruse 756]

I told everybody, including strangers on the street. I never have to worry about keeping my story straight or it coming out later that I lied to anyone. The only person who gave me a negative reaction was someone who could've used the surgery herself! She's no longer in my life so that's no problem.

In my experience, telling people the truth is a less difficult than it seems. Good luck to you!

[arringtonc49 188]

I did not tell everybody.
I had several negative comments. I carefully pick who I tell.

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[AK37 26]

I've told my S.O., my best friend, and my brother and sister. If anyone asks about my weight change I'll just tell them about the diet and exercise aspects. My medical issues are no one else's business.

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[Little Green 583]

I've told tons of people. My parents, siblings, close friends, spouse's parents, people at school who needed to know for academic reasons, etc. I haven't said anything on social media so those who I don't see in person don't know yet (I will probably say something the day or two before surgery). I've had mostly positive reactions, with a few mixed reactions as well. My MIL said, "Are you sure?" First thing out of her mouth. But she's gotten much more supportive since then. My best friend was concerned about my safety and the risks of surgery. We spent a while talking about the surgery and recovery time and she felt better after that.

I only had one reaction that really upset me, which was another close friend who responded with, "What do your parents think about it?" and then changed the subject. This is my best friend from childhood so I definitely was not expecting that kind of reaction. She was the first person I told so I got scared from telling anyone else and didn't mention it again for several months. She's been very supportive recently, though. Maybe she just needed time to process it.

I do have to say that none of my family members or close friends is obese (my parents are overweight, though). So I haven't had to deal with the potentially jealous or defensive reactions. I do have one obese friend whom I have specifically not told yet... in the past she has made comments making fun of skinny people, to make herself feel better I think. I think she sees us as "in this together" and also may be thankful that I am bigger than her so she doesn't have to be the biggest one in the room, if that makes sense? Of everyone I think she's the most likely to react negatively, so I've been waiting until the right time to mention it.

So... all of that said. I think if you want to tell people you should, but bear in mind their own insecurities about weight. It's likely that their reaction has more to do with them than with you. The more you know about your surgery, the better the reactions will probably be. You can answer questions and show them you've researched for quite some time and you're not just looking for a magic bullet.

I'm personally not a fan of keeping it secret, I think it perpetuates the stigma against WLS, but it's a personal decision and depends on how you feel about advocating for yourself if someone should speak against you or the surgery. So I really don't blame anyone who chooses not to tell.

[Jerseygirl4523 44]

I told my best friend after my surgical consult and she wasn’t supportive. She was actually mad and upset that I wouldn’t be as fun on the cruise we’re goong on in August. She is overweight and has been trying to lose weight as well. She doesn’t qualify for surgery and honestly I think she’s jealous or resentful on some level.

My mom and sister know. A few very close family friends. I am debating on telling coworkers who I am close with. But it’s not really anybody’s business.

[nikkisayswhat 7]

I have told basically everyone, I'm not too concerned if people don't approve of it, I am doing this for me not for them.

[vanelifejourney 27]

For me it’s on a need to know bases. Right now, those closest to me need to know because I need the support. Everyone’s been very supportive because they know I’m doing this for the right reasons which is to live a long healthy life without obesity related illnesses.
I did have one person who I love dearly, not agree with my decision but would support me either way.

[ItsJustMeToo 42]

Just my husband. I tend to be pretty private. Can't imagine why I'd feel like I need to share personal medical information with anyone but him.

[Always4TheMoments 4]

My mom, 2 daughters, step dad, boss, brother (assuming be told his fiance, my oldest nephew. Then a slew of close friends know. I've contemplated making a public post on social media, but not sure.

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[PeachesCat 10]

I am the number 1 Dance Music Promoter. I have documented my journey, have done live videos and am incredibly honest with my artists, the industry and the fans. They are following me every step of the way. I figured I could be honest or risk having untruth's and rumors written about me.

I am also hoping my journey will take away the stigma and help others.

[SinginSop01 4]

At first, I was hesitant to tell anyone other than my immediate family that I was even considering it for fear of getting the "that's the easy way out" answer. I told my husband, mother in law and my boss (obviously because I would need some time off). After getting a gastric sleeve and hernia repair and seeing the results begin, I told everyone! Their shocked reactions pushed me to try harder. Anyone who said that it's not guaranteed and that I could gain it all back, I took their response as as challenge to prove them wrong! So far a success! Starting weight was 320. Highest weight 325. Current weight 242! Haven't been that since middle school. Been bigger all my life.

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[kakatlady612 1,053]

My main support is my son the TomKITTEN, he is incredibly supportive and proud of Me for making it thus far. I'm widowed, my late husband would not have been which is another reason I never had it at a younger age plus I was resigned,there was no hope and that gradually everything would break down until I died. Another cheerleader: my PCP, yeah when I approached him about it he said it would be a GOOD thing, gave me advice about where would the best program would be, I'm going to Columbus 50 miles away, every time I see him he wants an update. I tell most people if they ask but try not to bore the average man on the street. Finally told my daughter, we're not too close by her choice, did it matter to her, not especially, she is a self-centered 49 year old brat. Not my fault, her 2 grandmothers competed and spoiled her. Now she is not happy God doesn't ask her permission for the sun to come up each day. Down deep I do still love her, she was after all my first born and the only child for 7 years until her siblings came along. When I told her she just turned the subject back to herself, Well if anything bad happens to me and,mind you I don't expect it to,, she can go around and tell people it was all my fault. Sorry folks, it's rough to love someone and not like them. But as I get closer and closer to surgery time I'm not scared, I only pray my surgeon won't back out at the last minute. I'm having a RnY for multiple reasons and firmly believe it will be the tool to effect a change in my life. I love meeting all of you here on Bariatric Pal and hope to pay it forward for others. Your friend in Central Ohio. ME

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[MrsGamgee 756]

I've told everybody (family, close friends, Facebook )... but that's who I am. When I was dealing with infertility a number of years ago, I talked about it openly too. For me, I like helping educate people on the realities of it, and helping to dispel any misinformation they may have. I wasn't always pro-WLS, but I did my research and found out I was wrong about a lot.

Has everyone been positive about it? No. My sister was incredulous and dismissive about the whole thing. One friend expressed concerns because she knows my passion for cooking and is worried about how I'll adjust. I try to be honest about my struggles and my nervousness about the surgery, in hopes that if someone else is on the fence about it, maybe I can help them make a decision.

Most of my family and friends, have been great about it. I'm not the first in my family to have WLS... an aunt and two SILs have had it done with differing levels of success. When I explain to those who ask why, I talk about my history of the cycle of weight loss/weight gain, the fad diets, the exercise programs I've tried. And I talk about my comorbidities... I'm the mom of two young kids and I want to be around when they graduate from high school, get married, have kids of their own, etc. Once they understand that I'm not just jumping into it willy-nilly, they're usually pretty on board.