Naughty days?

[AZLoser 103]

"This is not to judge but to let you know this is not a path to success"
Cause...we didn't know that. LOL!
Personally, I'd rather face my very serious struggles with food with a lot of honesty and support from other people going through the same crap.....than remain in denial about them. Lying to yourself is some toxic crap.
Some folks over eat after sleeve and cause themselves big problems. Some folks under eat and trade one eating disorder for another...and cause themselves big problems. Both behaviors are self sabotaging. There's a lotta pathology to spread around. A therapist would have a hay day with most of us, I expect. LOL.
We all screw up. We're all human that way. Finding balance is a struggle.
Lemme tell ya....if I was capable of perfection and never screwed up? I sure as hell wouldn't have gotten morbidly obese, or needed surgery to try to lose weight. LOL.
Not saying any of your advice is even wrong, AZLoser, it was just tone deaf and precisely what the OP asked people not to do.
There's a little "people in glass houses" element there that I know you don't see....but far be it from me to judge you for your choices. To each, their own:) Best wishes on your journey.

Too bad you took it that way. There are plenty of Facebook groups where sleevers can talk about all the thing they gourge on off plan and get support from people who say it's okay. I never ever said I was a perfect eater. The question was does it hurt your weight loss. The answer is yes it does. People sometimes post here because they need to hear the truth. That's not being judgemental.

[_Kate_ 2,224]

5 hours ago, aberry said:

I also am just generally concerned for the OP because this is the same OP who was worried about eating cauliflower Soup barely a week out and then later in the same day ate pizza. I commented then and I’ll
comment now, it sounds like you really, really need to seek help from your doctor, nutritionist, and/or therapist. I imagine between the pizza a week post op to wine and loads of chocolate and whatever else NYE you’ve had other pretty serious cheats as well.

Again, I’m not saying I’m against the occasional cheat or treat or whatever. But it sounds like your situation might be borderline worse than that.

Agree 100%. It’s not even about the cheating which alarms me but the heath risk of harming your sleeve and ending up back in hospital just isn’t worth it.

[Creekimp13 5,840]

Why must we turn all threads into Tsk! Tsk! threads...instead of LISTENING to the OP who specifically said....NO JUDGEMENT PLEASE? She clearly just wanted a little support and encouragement.

I think the reading comprehension of those of you who feel you MUST correct people is lacking.

We're all adults. It's not your job to correct anyone. Particularly when you've been specifically asked by the OP not to.

To me, that's disrespectful.

And don't tell me it's about protecting her safety or protecting the newbies or whatever other bullshit you use to justify your piousness. If it was about that...you'd have said your piece once and walked away. This is a pissing contest. And it makes it unsafe for others to express moments when they feel discouraged.

I think you're shitty to do that.

Edited January 3, 2018 by Creekimp13

[YummyMummy303 123]

Thanks to all the ones that posted positive responses that were helpful, if you didn’t receive a like, I am not talking about you.

Basically I was looking for support for others that realised that this surgery didn’t completely stop them from craving some bad foods, and had broken their diets, and how they got back on the wagon after falling, because if I were so perfect at diets,
I wouldn’t have needed this surgery.

And anyone on here trying to act like they’re perfect when their SW is way higher than I’ve ever been in my life is a liar - this isn’t easy for anyone.

I actually worry for the ones trying to act perfect or attack me or anyone else on here for being honest - they’re the ones that will break the worst, and I think they’re writing from that place of fear. Controlling and criticising others helps them to deflect from looking at themselves.

Anyway, most comments were great, really inspirational and helped me to feel less alone with the struggle.


Sleeved: 2/12/2017

SW: 209lbs/95kgs

[Sullie06 1,013]

I 100% live by the anything in moderation idea at this point in my journey because I know my triggers, what to avoid personally and when I can allow myself a "treat". I didn't want to live on a "diet" for the rest of my life but instead wanted to learn to eat normally. I will be the first to admit that I allowed myself to indulge a little over the holidays and now I'm back on track with my normal diet. That being said, I'm a year post op and 12 pounds from my goal weight.

When I was a month out from surgery, I was still on pureed and I followed my plan to a T. I was also not allowed alcohol before 6 months. It is absolutely dangerous to stray from the plan this early out for multiple reasons, most importantly your stomach is still healing, which I think is what many previous posters were concerned about. If you are allowed alcohol and sweets per your plan at this point, great! Indulge, enjoy and get back on track but if you are not, I would stick to the your doctors plan. Sweets, alcohol, carbs and all that will still be here in the future and you can indulge when you want then.

[AZLoser 103]

Someday, if I ever reach my goal weight...I hope I have better things to do than to monitor weight loss message boards for naughty adult people who need to be told they've been bad.
I have big plans. Making condescending posts on message boards post goal-weight...is not a part of them. Cause...ya know...I have a life. LOL:)
If I'm still here telling other people how it's done and scolding them when I'm thin......someone please shoot me.
Thank you.

One of the things that people seek is advice from people who've already been through the process. It's hard to get the vets to stick around. You've already decided that you want people here to make you feel good about your choices and then move on. That's ok but I don't why you'd object to people saying what's worked. That's the whole point of these boards.

[ldfrausto 9]

Wow reading all these posts appreciate everyones views. I had RNY 12-6 and still have a wound vac from complications after surgery. I went 3 weeks on liquids and gotta say after that when introducing soft foods diet was last thing on my mind. If a few bites is all i can endure it doesnt matter to me about calories it matters about Protein and it matters my stomach can handle it. So i try to drink Water more as i am dehydrated and if every hour i can take a couple bites if its a cookie i would rather eat steak but my stomach cant take it so hey it was the holidays and i havent been sick so that means i am doing well. Lets all be gentle with ourselves. I have lost 20 lbs and only have 40 more to goal weight so these days just happy i am alive.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-T377A using BariatricPal mobile app

[FluffyChix 17,415]

I am not a vet. I'm pre-surgery--so you all may say that I've no business posting on this thread.

But this isn't an issue of judgement. It's an issue of asking for advice. The OP asked for advice/validation (but she said, "only the people who are gonna validate my action need reply/respond"). So I do see many of the people who've actually been through the surgery reply with the knowledge they have of the process--even though their information doesn't affirm her choice(s). Empirically, we have to be very careful about protecting our new anatomy--regardless of food issues--or maybe even despite our food issues.

There is no "good" or "bad" judgement. It's empirical medical advice. If we don't follow our surgeon's orders, we can potentially fu*k up our new anatomy while it's healing...and either land back in the hospital with a popped staple/suture, or worse, end up in surgery again or even die. So to me it's a pretty black and white subject. If we challenge our new tummys too greatly, we can split our guts open and die in less than 5 minutes. The human body can bleed out in under 4 minutes. That is all the time it takes. Four minutes. That's a pretty sobering thought. Before an EMT could get to you--you could die. Because of what? A craving for a cookie, or piece of pizza, or cauliflower Soup? After 3-6 months or more of careful preparation...why would anyone want to gamble that way?

Absolutely no judgement here. I'm a big huge ass sinner. I sit in no ivory tower. Some days I have to sit on my hands to keep from backsliding and eating off plan. I struggle with hunger and hanger every day. It doesn't make me holier-than-thou or preachy judgemental. It makes me human. I'm just sayin, eating too soon, drinking too soon (cuz it thins the blood and lowers inhibitions--which can make you bleed out even faster than 4 minutes, or can make you not care about consequences and overeat to the point you split open and bleed out even faster than 4 minutes) can have devastating consequences.

Why indulge in risky behavior? Would you go out an have a few drinks and knowingly sleep with someone HIV positive without protection? Would you load a revolver with a single bullet, spin the cylinder and pull the trigger on a dare? It's all Russian roulette. And it's all fun and games until someone splits open their suture lines and bleeds out in 4 minutes or less--my question is...would that mean you get your pizza for free?

Edited January 5, 2018 by FluffyChix

[Creekimp13 5,840]

Here's an example of why I think this is bullying behavior....instead of well intended advice.

There's a thread on here about a woman throwing up clots of blood. Almost no one responded. I did. I encouraged her to seek medical advice immediately.

Then...there are posts where someone admits they've had a weak moment and eaten something high calorie...hoping for some encouragement....and the wrath of God rains down upon them like they're committing suicide.

It's bullshit. It isn't about helping others, it's about feeling self righteous. If it was about helping others, the blood clot thread would have dozens of urgent replies.

People who have been bullied often become bullies, and it's sad. Worse, they pick on those they secretly identify with.

Fat shaming is the last safe prejudice. "It's for their own good" is not an excuse to be tone deaf and unkind.

[Creekimp13 5,840]

Fear is an interesting factor in this thread.

People talk about their own personal fears justifying their responses to the OP.

What if someone with a clotting disorder ran around to all the threads here saying "OMG DO NOT HAVE THIS SURGERY you COULD DIE! Don't be stupid, you're risking your LIFE!"?

Would that poster be wrong? Nope...they have empirical evidence on their side...once in a blue moon, someone does die from a clot or other complication and it's absolutely tragic.

Just exactly like...once in a very rare blue moon...someone has a negative consequence from an indulgence off their plan.

So....is it helpful, or is it fear-mongering? Does anyone really believe the OP doesn't know better?

[VSGnewguy 164]

I get what you are saying but there is a difference. A blood clot may well be out of the person's control whereas eating off plan is clearly within their control. I think giving advice to control what you can, is not fear mongering. Just my .02.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-N920A using BariatricPal mobile app

[MofromMs 18]

My surgeon told us not to per say diet ever again, because they obviously don't work. He said for every 3 bites of Protein eat a bite of a vegetable. Then 3 bites of protein and a starch. He said if you do that it will all work out. And basically if you have one bite of a dessert, or "one" cookie, every so often it's no big deal, because it's unrealistic to expect that you will NEVER have dessert, or wine, or chocolate, or whatever, again. The main key is to learn to pay attention to hunger and full signals.

And your stomach growling is NOT a sign of hunger!

However, none of that applies to me right now because I never get hungry. I'm lucky to eat 3 bites of anything in a day, 3 months out. Nausea is killing me!

Sent from my Alcatel 6055U using BariatricPal mobile app

[FluffyChix 17,415]

5 minutes ago, Creekimp13 said:

Here's an example of why I think this is bullying behavior....instead of well intended advice.

There's a thread on here about a woman throwing up clots of blood. Almost no one responded. I did. I encouraged her to seek medical advice immediately.

Then...there are posts where someone admits they've had a weak moment and eaten something high calorie...hoping for some encouragement....and the wrath of God rains down upon them like they're committing suicide.

It's bullshit. It isn't about helping others, it's about feeling self righteous. If it was about helping others, the blood clot thread would have dozens of urgent replies.

People who have been bullied often become bullies, and it's sad. Worse, they pick on those they secretly identify with.

Fat shaming is the last safe prejudice. "It's for their own good" is not an excuse to be tone deaf and unkind.

I so agree with that very last line!!! It is the last bastion of acceptable bias and prejudice.

I can't begin to know why/what motivates the board to respond. I suspect there are hot button topics (such as this), and there are topics that are just medically "too big" to comment upon. There's an area in our brain that acts as an information filter or buffer--it's called selective filtering. This article explains way more precisely than I, and I suspect that's the answer to your question of why more people respond to threads like these. I still don't buy into the bullying--that's not saying that herd mentality and bullying principles don't/can't exist on a support board. And I fully support that nobody needs to bully...haven't we all experienced first hand in our lives as fat or obese kids/adults?

[Creekimp13 5,840]

is fear-mongering bullying?

I certainly thought so when people were telling me I was taking unnecessary risks with my life having the surgery.

[FluffyChix 17,415]

1 minute ago, MofromMs said:

My surgeon told us not to per say diet ever again, because they obviously don't work. He said for every 3 bites of Protein eat a bite of a vegetable. Then 3 bites of Protein and a starch. He said if you do that it will all work out. And basically if you have one bite of a dessert, or "one" cookie, every so often it's no big deal, because it's unrealistic to expect that you will NEVER have dessert, or wine, or chocolate, or whatever, again. The main key is to learn to pay attention to hunger and full signals.

And your stomach growling is NOT a sign of hunger!

However, none of that applies to me right now because I never get hungry. I'm lucky to eat 3 bites of anything in a day, 3 months out. Nausea is killing me!

Sent from my Alcatel 6055U using BariatricPal mobile app

But that's not really the situation with the OP. The situation was that it was sooooooo soon after surgery. Your surgeon (unless you're in the UK or Europe) probably said at week 2-4 that you're only on puree or soft foods at that point. He says no alcohol for 8weeks-1 year or more post surgery. It isn't a question of moral pulchritude. It's an issue of physical healing. Will you injure your surgery? Will you bleed out in under 4 minutes because you drank alcohol and ate a slice of pizza (or chocolates), or overate?