Feel like a liar

[soready17 167]

When I decided to have sleeve surgery I always knew I would keep it on the dl at least in the beginning; just so I can focus on me and my journey. I wanted to eventually go public in hopes that I will help another individual out, especially in my community where sleeve surgery is unheard of as an option for weight loss. Well I told my best friend and she advised me to never tell anyone. And when I told her I want to help people she INSISTED that I never tell a soul. I know her reasoning and intentions are in good faith. She is being protective over me from people's gossip and whatnot. But personally, I don't really care what people think as that's my personality. I always do me. And I know a few people actually MANY people in my circle who could benefit from knowing my "secret". I just find it extremely awkward when people ask me what did I do to lose the weight...when my replies are almost complete bullshi*. I keep thinking about what my bf said and it stops me from being open. The way she was vehemently advising me to be quiet about my surgery. I don't know I'm just so confused. Are people that evil? And am I being naive in thinking my situation can help others that were like me? ?

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[Gretchel Z 11]

I don’t see why not to tell people about the surgery!!!
I have been overweight all my life, and my doctor NEVER told me about the surgery.... she always talked to me about my weight and how bad that is for my health, but she NEVER EVER mention the option of the surgery...
Si I think you should tell people because someone may be looking for help or solution for the problem (weight). And how GREAT is the feeling of help others...

[Creekimp13 5,840]

I'm with you. Providing a little education for those who sincerely are interested is worth the gossip. I told the town gossip about my surgery purely because it's always so much fun to find out things about myself that I never knew! LOL.

If you're someone who takes stupidity to heart and feels crushed when people are wrong about you....don't do it. If you have a thick skin and a good attitude...the world needs more advocates of truth and education. Desperately.

Also....what your friend would choose...isn't always what's best for you. You are two different people. And that's ok:)

[Creekimp13 5,840]

Wow! Your doc never mentioned it, Gretsada? My general practitioner has been begging me to consider weight loss surgery for 15 years. He's convinced it's going to vastly improve my life....and I think he might be right:)

[MowryRocks 679]

It was never a question for me. I was going to tell everyone and I have. That way, I control the dialog. What could they possible say behind my back that is worse than what they were saying behind my back when I was bigger. If people are going to be underhanded and deceitful in their dealings with me they were always that way and not worth my time. You do you. Tell who you want.

By having surgery and being open and honest about my experience, the ripple effect has helped at least 5 others that I know take that leap and have the surgery and their lives are changed forever, Now instead of getting together to eat out, we take a class, go zip lining, or spend the day at an amusement park.

Tell your truth!

[Gretchel Z 11]

Nop... Creekimp13, my doctor never talked to me about it, and when I told her about the surgery she was not too happy.
Also, when I come back to give her the sample letter for medical necessities, she told me that she would write the letter but I wouldn’t qualify for the surgery.
So, for her I am wasting my time...

[BigViffer 3,544]

For me, lying or obfuscating the truth is too much work. I don't want to have to remember what I said a year ago or even a week ago. I would much rather just answer with the truth. That being said, I never wanted to inspire anyone either. I really could care less what anyone thinks of me and I sure don't concern myself with others business. If someone in my office asked that I am not a personal friend I would make something up on the spot.

lol, with a deadpan face and no humor in my voice I told people who were rude enough to ask that I lost weight from chemo, drug addiction, my wife leaving me, tapeworm... you name it. But as soon as they would mention that to anyone, "I heard that BigViffer lost all that weight because of his meth addiction!" There would be someone who would give them a dumbfounded look and tell them I had surgery.

TL:DR - tell people whatever you want because you are the one who will be dealing with it, not your friend.

[James Marusek 5,244]

I told anyone and everyone about my surgery, even people walking on the street. In general most people fell into two categories. They were either supportive or they were curious. The only negative comments I ever received were from my mother. She was very dependent on me at that time and I think she did not want to deal with anything that might interrupt that support.

People are different. My best advise is to follow your heart.

[soready17 167]

I don’t see why not to tell people about the surgery!!!
I have been overweight all my life, and my doctor NEVER told me about the surgery.... she always talked to me about my weight and how bad that is for my health, but she NEVER EVER mention the option of the surgery...
Si I think you should tell people because someone may be looking for help or solution for the problem (weight). And how GREAT is the feeling of help others...

Same here my doctors never mentioned surgery... I only seen commercials on TV about "bariatric" clinics and their befire /afters and thought that was something only well off people can do lol ... never even crossed my mind that it could be covered by insurance. Well I changed doctors and the first thing she mentioned was "you would be a great candidate for surgery" and 9 months later I was sleeved. And I agree helping people feels great.

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[Gretchel Z 11]

I love to read, I am always looking for information before I do something like this.

So my mom one day was reading the newspaper and in the last page I SAW THE ADD!!!

And now, my surgery will be 01/12!!!! I can wait to be at the hospital!

[soready17 167]

I'm with you. Providing a little education for those who sincerely are interested is worth the gossip. I told the town gossip about my surgery purely because it's always so much fun to find out things about myself that I never knew! LOL.

If you're someone who takes stupidity to heart and feels crushed when people are wrong about you....don't do it. If you have a thick skin and a good attitude...the world needs more advocates of truth and education. Desperately.

Also....what your friend would choose...isn't always what's best for you. You are two different people. And that's ok:)

You know, I'm not sure how tough my skin is. Like, what could they possibly say that would hurt me.... that's what I'm confused about. What kind of things did they say about you? I definetly want to be an advocate of truth and help others know there is a solution to all this physical/mental stress that obesity puts on us.

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[soready17 167]

It was never a question for me. I was going to tell everyone and I have. That way, I control the dialog. What could they possible say behind my back that is worse than what they were saying behind my back when I was bigger. If people are going to be underhanded and deceitful in their dealings with me they were always that way and not worth my time. You do you. Tell who you want.
By having surgery and being open and honest about my experience, the ripple effect has helped at least 5 others that I know take that leap and have the surgery and their lives are changed forever, Now instead of getting together to eat out, we take a class, go zip lining, or spend the day at an amusement park.
Tell your truth!

That is so awesome to hear. I would be so happy if a few people can be inspired and take that step and take charge of their health. I also think this secret is not letting me lose weight to my full potential. Today I am 4 months post op and this month only lost 6 pounds.... I feel like if more people knew I can be more talkative about it and help myself in this mental game of struggling all by myself. All this lying is making me stressed out! But I'm afraid my peace will be broken once people know and I won't feel confident in my decision to have the surgery. Having people say I took the "easy" way out and that I lied about how I lost the weight...will make me even more stressed I think. Can you tell how confused and anxious I am:/

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[soready17 167]

For me, lying or obfuscating the truth is too much work. I don't want to have to remember what I said a year ago or even a week ago. I would much rather just answer with the truth. That being said, I never wanted to inspire anyone either. I really could care less what anyone thinks of me and I sure don't concern myself with others business. If someone in my office asked that I am not a personal friend I would make something up on the spot.
lol, with a deadpan face and no humor in my voice I told people who were rude enough to ask that I lost weight from chemo, drug addiction, my wife leaving me, tapeworm... you name it. But as soon as they would mention that to anyone, "I heard that BigViffer lost all that weight because of his meth addiction!" There would be someone who would give them a dumbfounded look and tell them I had surgery.
TL:DR - tell people whatever you want because you are the one who will be dealing with it, not your friend.

Wow, thank you for that perspective. I am the one that will deal with it ultimately and not her. Lying is way too much work...and I'm a very honest person originally and I don't like lying. That's why this has been so hard.

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[soready17 167]

I told anyone and everyone about my surgery, even people walking on the street. In general most people fell into two categories. They were either supportive or they were curious. The only negative comments I ever received were from my mother. She was very dependent on me at that time and I think she did not want to deal with anything that might interrupt that support.
People are different. My best advise is to follow your heart.

That's exactly how I want to be. I guess I have alot of work to do in figuring out how to get myself out of this mess.

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[TakingABreak 2,733]

2 hours ago, Gretsada said:

I don’t see why not to tell people about the surgery!!!
I have been overweight all my life, and my doctor NEVER told me about the surgery.... she always talked to me about my weight and how bad that is for my health, but she NEVER EVER mention the option of the surgery...
Si I think you should tell people because someone may be looking for help or solution for the problem (weight). And how GREAT is the feeling of help others...

I agree with you 100% doctors not giving this option For years and years, my doctor never suggested it. Even through fertility issues, the whole 9 yards. It took someone I knew who did it, for me to even consider it as an option.

However, on the opposite side, I've heard that people often get negative feedback.

It's a tossup!

I'm telling close family and friends (at my discretion only). However, if I felt someone could benefit from it, I would tell them.