You've lost enough weight...

[Paulax 8]

just venting here.

I hate hearing this from people.

"You've lost enough weight now."

"You're not trying to lose any more weight are you?"

and at the dinner table

"Is THAT all you're eating?"

My dear Mother in Law in particular. She also accused me of starving myself. Don't get me wrong, I love my MIL, but it doesn't feel complimentary.

Now if I was within the 'average' or 'low' end of the BMI, I could understand and accept this comment from people. But I am still mildly overweight or whatever it says.

So I brush it off, say, Yes and thank you.

But deep inside it bugs the hell out of me.

[Chickie 15]

Yup, it bugs the hell out of me. I haven't lost any weight in over a year, and people still tell me not to try to lose any more weight.

And being called "skinny" is just getting insulting. I cringe when people say it.

I wonder how much comes from a place of genuine concern, and how much is, I hesitate to say it, jealousy?

[Paulax 8]

Yup, it bugs the hell out of me. I haven't lost any weight in over a year, and people still tell me not to try to lose any more weight.

And being called "skinny" is just getting insulting. I cringe when people say it.

I wonder how much comes from a place of genuine concern, and how much is, I hesitate to say it, jealousy?

YESSSSSSSSSSS, I haven't lost any weight since June, but every time I see her, she says, 'Have you lost MORE weight!' I keep saying UH NOO, in fact I am not losing at all and haven't since JUNE.....

What I really want to do is lift my shirt and show her my omentum...hahahahahaha. That is the stomach fat if you don't watch Oprah.

Skinny, I am not there yet Chickie, I look FORWARD to someone calling me skinny. ha, but I can understand your frustration. It is like no one really wanted you to succeed in the first place. And in your case, from what I have read and seen in your pictures, you have MORE than succeeded my dear, you are a poster child of how the lap band can change someone's life. You are one of my heros my dear young Chickie.

With my MIL, I am sure she is genuinely concerned, but it just comes out wrong. I know she wants me to be healthy for her 3 beautiful grandchildren, my beautiful children.

But if I look at her pictures from 1955, SHE BE SKINNY......I think to someone who has lived through the depression, some weight on someone = healthy.

So hopefully, she will let up when she sees that this weight isn't coming back and I am more healthy and more active than ever. And if she doesn't, I guess I will have to quack and let it roll off my back like Water off a duck. I AM after all a mature woman..... of 44 years........:mad:

[josephine 1]

The word SKINNY to me is like telling me that I am ANOREXIC................. Yes I am THIN........................ As I would rather be called OBESE than FAT................ It is more of a clinical term.

It is pure jealousy and the fact that you are probably getting compliments and they aren't. The tables have turned, finally.............. It is a good feeling, isn't it.

You are doing this for yourself and as long as you are healthy, you are doing fine. My BMI is 22 and I am getting muscular and it feels GOOD...... I am 5'7", 142 lbs., 42 years old and looking pretty damn good.

Be proud and yell loud and tell your mother in law that she is hurting you and she will hush. You have to take care of you.

Josephine

[Jachut 487]

This ties in very strongly with the thread Laurend started in rants and raves (which I quickly took over, lol).

I have a BMI of 23 now. Yes, I'm thin enough. But I have a bit of a muffin top going on and still a bit of bum blubber I could shed. So if I want a BMI of 20 (which is STILL healthy!) then that's what I want and its nobody's decision but mine.

A BMI of 20 to 25 is healthy. But if I consider 25 too fat, then there IS scope at that BMI to lose more weight without getting "too thin". And its not silly, unhealthy or obsessive to do so.

I think though, on a kinder (and less strident note, I've been whinging for 2 days now, lol) that people are used to seeing you big and to them you really DO look "skinny" whereas to people who've never seen you before, you probably just look normal.

[Paulax 8]

A BMI of 20 to 25 is healthy. But if I consider 25 too fat, then there IS scope at that BMI to lose more weight without getting "too thin". And its not silly, unhealthy or obsessive to do so.

I think though, on a kinder (and less strident note, I've been whinging for 2 days now, lol) that people are used to seeing you big and to them you really DO look "skinny" whereas to people who've never seen you before, you probably just look normal.

Best post I've seen in awhile!!!!

:clap2::clap2::clap2::clap2::clap2::clap2::clap2::clap2::clap2::clap2::clap2::clap2::clap2::clap2::clap2::clap2::clap2::clap2::clap2::clap2::clap2::clap2::clap2:

[Chickie 15]

This ties in very strongly with the thread Laurend started in rants and raves (which I quickly took over, lol).

I have a BMI of 23 now. Yes, I'm thin enough. But I have a bit of a muffin top going on and still a bit of bum blubber I could shed. So if I want a BMI of 20 (which is STILL healthy!) then that's what I want and its nobody's decision but mine.

A BMI of 20 to 25 is healthy. But if I consider 25 too fat, then there IS scope at that BMI to lose more weight without getting "too thin". And its not silly, unhealthy or obsessive to do so.

I think though, on a kinder (and less strident note, I've been whinging for 2 days now, lol) that people are used to seeing you big and to them you really DO look "skinny" whereas to people who've never seen you before, you probably just look normal.

True enough. I guess, compared to the 135 -140 ish Kg woman they were used to seeing, I am skinny. BUT I am still within a healthy BMI. That's what counts, right?

[enterprise01 0]

just venting here.

I hate hearing this from people.

"You've lost enough weight now."

"You're not trying to lose any more weight are you?"

and at the dinner table

"Is THAT all you're eating?"

My dear Mother in Law in particular. She also accused me of starving myself. Don't get me wrong, I love my MIL, but it doesn't feel complimentary.

Now if I was within the 'average' or 'low' end of the BMI, I could understand and accept this comment from people. But I am still mildly overweight or whatever it says.

So I brush it off, say, Yes and thank you.

But deep inside it bugs the hell out of me.

Yes, I'm getting the same thing at least once a day, and it just baffles me since I'm still 30 lbs from goal. And my goal is 8 lbs over the BMI range for someone my height. When I tell people I still have 30 lbs to go, they insist I shouldn't lose another pound. Only one person has honestly said, "yeah, I can see that you might want to lose another 20." I think Jachut is right that we seem skinny compared to what we used to be. I just do my best to take all comments as compliments. And if it's truly meant as an insult, and I thank them anyway, that totally throws them off.

[TheGh0st 9]

just venting here.

I hate hearing this from people.

"You've lost enough weight now."

"You're not trying to lose any more weight are you?"

and at the dinner table

"Is THAT all you're eating?"

My dear Mother in Law in particular. She also accused me of starving myself. Don't get me wrong, I love my MIL, but it doesn't feel complimentary.

Now if I was within the 'average' or 'low' end of the BMI, I could understand and accept this comment from people. But I am still mildly overweight or whatever it says.

So I brush it off, say, Yes and thank you.

But deep inside it bugs the hell out of me.

OMG!!! I could have written that post verbatum. My MIL and god knows I love her. Has been driving me absolutely nuts for practically the last two years of this band-journey. If she isn't on my case about "when are you going to start eating normal/healthy again?" then she is either making "joking" threats about beating me up if I regain my weight or telling me yet again how all I really need to do is read that god awful book "Why French women aren't fat." If I hear one more freaking thing about French women and how they are so blankety blank perfect I might have a coronary. (This also crosses over to a completely off topic book about how French women potty train their kids as infants rather than toddlers - I am just not going there) I actually did blow up at her over this same issue back on 4th of July in 2006 in the middle of a party no foul language but was yelling at her to drop it until she left crying (so unlike me) and here it is the fall of 2007 and she is still on about the same issues. I'm at my wit's end with her I tell you.

Funny thing is even though we still have these roles to play where I'm the chubby flawed one and she's the healthy and fit one giving me her words of wisdom. I looked in her closet the last time I visited and realized all her trousers/jeans were 2 sizes larger than mine. OK she is a few inches taller, but still once my swelling goes down it will be an even bigger difference. Not too mention her High Blood Pressure and Cholesterol that is beyond through the roof. Last I heard it was still over 300! No joke.

I do lover her and its not the size that matters or bothers me. Its the constantly trying to treat me like this band is just another "phase" and that I need to find another cure for what ails me. Personally I think I'm feeling healthier than I have at probably any time in my life. Hmmmm maybe she ought to start asking me for advise.

OK I'll step down from the podium and let someone else vent now.

[delaunte 0]

I am getting that before the surgery next week. I mean they are really loading the questions on regarding how much weight I want to lose, you don't need to do that, why are you doing that? These are the same people that told me I should lose a few pounds 6 months ago and now I am 20 pounds heavier.

The deal is it is NEVER ENOUGH for other people. They don't realize they do it. You are too big! You are too small! You work to late! Your always home. I mean the list goes on and on. If you are not clear on who you are they will tear you apart and always leave you second guessing yourself. So you decide what you want and go for it. You will forever have critics. I bet you look GREAT!!!

[nurseamy 2]

I can not wait for the day that someone calls me "SKINNY"!!!!:biggrin1::biggrin1::biggrin1:

[Tonks 0]

I can totally relate to this. When people aske me if I will lose more weight, and I tell them that i still have to lose 19 pounds they start saying that I'm ok that I don't need to lose more weight and go on and on.....

At first I noticed that people where really happy for me, but as I'm reaching my goal some people are starting to make comments that sounded more like jelousy or envy..... even people who are thin and mostly women.

[TheGh0st 9]

At first I noticed that people where really happy for me, but as I'm reaching my goal some people are starting to make comments that sounded more like jelousy or envy..... even people who are thin and mostly women.

Yeah, Some of my family and friends are starting to treat me like I'm being selfish for wanting to actually get down to a healthy BMI range.

Unfortunately, I have to admit I buy into this one from time to time (feeling personally selfish, NOT thinking others are selfish) I start doubting whether I should continue to work as hard to lose or just "be happy" with where I'm at now and focus on maintaining. Ultimately I think the real answer for me is to learn to accept and love myself for who/what I am NOW, WHILE I continue to strive towards that ultimate healthy BMI target. I'm not as messed up as this post may imply, every day the head issues do get better and better but they are still there for now.

[Boo Boo Kitty 3]

UGH. If I hear it one more time whoever says it is going to be sorry! One thing people don't think about is they do not see us without clothes...LOL for the most part anyways! :boink:

I try to be polite and say well thanks, but I am not quite there. I had one person argue with me that I looked just fine, well unless she meant "DAMN FINE" it is not good enough for me! lol...

Why do they think it is a compliment or nice? DO they think because we one had a problem with food that we have turned into anorexic people?? Geesh....it is my body get over it!

[Tonks 0]

Actually one of my coworkers told me the other day that he was worried ...... he thinks I'm anorexic!

Obviously he doesn't know about the band. I told him I'm just fine.

I want to feel and look great, not better than before.