Wife is treating me terrible after surgery.

[GreenTealael 25,377]

Hello, I'm Thom, first post here.

I'm not usually one to share, but I need some advice here.
I had the VSG on 12/1, and everything had been going well till today. So let me give a little back story. I broke my back two years ago, had several spinal surgeries including a 3 level fusion with hardware. I gained 70 lbs while hurt. I'm not able to be very active, so I chose to have the sleeve to loose weight. I went from $115k+ a year to the state max on workers comp, which put a big strain on us financially. In October, comp cut my checks till I have a hearing in front of the industrial commission to determine my life long compensation amount. So we've been living on her income alone.
Today, when im 6 days post op, she wants to call me names because I couldn't cook the kids supper. The smell of food makes me nauseous after surgery. Then she tells me I'm a bum, because of this surgery, and has been treating me like ****.
I really don't know how to deal with this right now. I've never been emotional in my life, but this surgery has affected me some how. What should I do?

It appears that it's not just the surgery that's in play here. I think she's tired stressed and a few other things. But no excuses for her. Often people hurt the ones that love them because they can get away with it. Stay calm, this time is best used to heal and think. Don't react immediately no good comes from that.
And sorry you're going through this

[Dm0417 17]

It appears that it's not just the surgery that's in play here. I think she's tired stressed and a few other things. But no excuses for her. Often people hurt the ones that love them because they can get away with it. Stay calm, this time is best used to heal and think. Don't react immediately no good comes from that.
And sorry you're going through this

Try to get her to go for counselling with you.

Sent from my SM-G930V using BariatricPal mobile app

[MsTipps 314]

Hey @Thom I'm really sorry for the hardships you're experiencing. It's hard enough accepting dramatic disabling changes in your life - even with all the support and money in the world so I really feel for you. Your wife did promise to stand by you in good and bad times and truth is, she sounds like she's struggling. She's stressed, she's worried about finances and potentially isn't used to being in the breadwinner role. She's grieving for the life she had before and the old you who was healthy and made her feel secure. That being said, you don't deserve to be verbally abused. None of this is your fault. I suggest counselling where you can redefine your roles and find a way forward. If she's unwilling to try, sadly, it's time to move on. If you stay and nothing changes, none of you will feel happy. I really hope counselling works for you guys. Xx