I don't understand (goal weight rant)

[kathystrick 3]

I chose my goal weight based on the weight charts and healthy BMI. I have my goal posted as 165, but at 5'10, I do believe that is going to be smaller than I am comfortable with on my body. I have been down to 225 as an adult and wore a 16/18 and felt quite skinny-collar bones and hip bones poking out, sunken cheeks, sculpted jaw. I just can't imagine my body 60 pounds smaller than that. I will keep my goal weight posted as 165, but as I get closer to that, it is likely to change.

As a side note, I think goal weight is a very personal thing. We all have very different reasons for wanting to weigh what we feel is "ideal" for us. Everyone might not agree with those reasons, but no one has to live with them but the person who set them...and sometimes a spouse or significant other. hehe So just do whatever it is that is going to make YOU happy...and the heck with everyone else!!

[Mariposa Bella 3]

I think you would have to ask the OP if this thread was inspired by you, because I don't know. I know that MY part in this thread has been inspired by all the mean spirited people who have taken great pains to tell me I am skinny, anorexic, ugly and nasty.

And I am not sure what the point in posting the content of that thread was.

My point there, as it is here is, as much as people don't like being called fat, I don't like being called skinny, and scrawny. And let me tell you, when you pick my weight, or dress size, and say that at your height (which is the same as mine) you would look scrawny and skinny, it tends to give the impression that you are talking about me.

I am sorry that if by saying whatever I am you think I am saying that you are falling short (I have no idea what I did to give the impression I think that by not being super skinny people are falling short, I never actually used that expression till just now...)

See, I have no freaking idea where you get the idea that I think I have to be super skinny. Just because my weight is not one you could imagine on yourself, doesn't mean that I am unhealthy. And that is what pissed me off. The fact that it is just assumed that if someone is under a particular weight, that they are at deaths door. It's not the case. I just came in from an 8km run, am eating a huge bowl of oats, and have a banana to eat after that. I eat, probably more than a lot of bandsters around here, and if I was as sickly as my weight is portrayed to be by some people, I would be hooked up to an IV, not out running, and about to eat more than some people do in a day!! I eat the way I do (vegetarian and organic) because I feel almost super human when I do. I exercise the way I do, because it adds to the way I feel. I am alive. I feel better than most people could ever imagine, and the way I look, is just a very nice side effect.

The way I eat and exercise is not driven by a need to be skinny, its driven by a need to be healthy.

And I hate having to explain myself.

Chickie, I am sorry that you feel like you have to defend your position on being the size you are.. I admire your dedication to maintaing your weight and for keeping it off and for eating healthy.. It seems like you were able to conquer your demons.. I on the other hand am still struggling. I don't excercise and rarely eat healthy, I am what I am due to my same old self-destructive habits. When I was AT MY GOAL, I WAS SUPER HAPPY. Keep in mind that I have been fat or obsese then thin, then thin to fat to obese for almost my whole adult life.. I only weighed 190 lbs when I started and had lost the weight many times, but because I never learned how to kill the fat demon, I had to get the band. FOR ME AND ONLY ME.. 135 was a good weight, I wasn't fat anymore, but i never set out to become what I had never been or could never be at realistically. I got to the weight I though suited me and only me.. I just don't think I should be expected to be at 120 or whatever number on someone's chart, for me and only me that would not work.. Not for you, I have never been speaking of you. Please I haven't been on the board not even a week and already I am misunderstood. I hate that people called you scrawny or ugly. That is just hateful.. I just want you to know that I don't think I am selling myself short by having a larger goal weight than you.

OMG I am so tired of trying to explain myself, I am exhausted.. I am not commenting on this anymore. I apologize if I without wanting to offended anyone.. :faint:

[Chickie 15]

I just want you to know that I don't think I am selling myself short by having a larger goal weight than you.

Why on earth would I think that? My goodness.

My own husband is overweight. Not just chubby, but overweight. I don't judge him, so WHY would I judge anyone else? I never, ever said ANYWHERE that people who don't get down to some impossible number as selling themselves short. I always say that any loss is going to improve a persons health, and that is the main goal of being banded.

My health was my main focus. Sure there was an element of vanity in there, I cannot deny that, but I wanted to live a long, healthy productive life. And even a 50lb loss would have gone a long way in achieving that aim. I was lucky, and I developed a fantastic lifestyle, and managed to lose 190lbs. But I would have been just as happy with 50, or 100lbs. Because it achieved my main goal of improving my health.

I would just like to know how you got the impression that I think you are selling yourself short? I mean, I never actually said anything of the sort to you (or anything actually) What am I saying or doing to give people idea's like that?

[Jachut 487]

Quote:

Originally Posted by kathystrick

I chose my goal weight based on the weight charts and healthy BMI. I have my goal posted as 165, but at 5'10, I do believe that is going to be smaller than I am comfortable with on my body. I have been down to 225 as an adult and wore a 16/18 and felt quite skinny-collar bones and hip bones poking out, sunken cheeks, sculpted jaw. I just can't imagine my body 60 pounds smaller than that. I will keep my goal weight posted as 165, but as I get closer to that, it is likely to change.

That's certainly a measure over how different we all are. At five foot 10 myself, I was banded at 240lb. At 225 I was desperately unhappy with what I saw as my enormous weight problem - I had health problems as a result of it too.

I hate to single someone out and because this IS a personal issue and everyone should be able to decide what they want to weigh for themselves. But I just cant not comment here because to me that's a very bizarre thing to say. This is where I really think there's a bit of body image issues to this, I really cannot believe that at 225 a 5ft 10 woman would have sunken cheeks and jutting bones - its still a BMI of 32, heck, its still obese. To think you wont be comfortable being smaller, eek, I dont know, I just see that there must be some reason why you think that - and I think its showing an inability to recognise what healthy weight is meant to look like - its not bony and unattractive its (to use that awful word again) normal!

I really do respect your right to weigh whatever you want but I cannot in any way truly understand your reasoning on this, and that's the point I've been trying to make - I dont argue with it but I cant help thinking that thay's just well, dysfunctional. 225 is obese and I cant understand how anyone cant see that, or why they'd choose it when they have this wonderful tool that makes it possible to achieve a healthy weight.

Please dont take offence at this, its hard to say without sounding wrong, but I am quite baffled by it.

[She Smiles 2]

Chickie, you know that I admire you and your efforts but let me say this once again - if I end up up looking as healthy and happy as you in my own skin, I'll be be a very very happy woman. You are an attractive, kind, honest and intelligent woman and we are lucky to have you here as an inspiration on this forum.

As for my goal, its 100% of my excess weight lost as set by my surgeon. Its a few kilos below the top of the healthy range for my height. For me, its the highest weight that I will be happy weighing as a result of my banding journey. If I get down 5 or 10 kilos more, which is still within the healthy weight range, then thats just icing on the cake (not literally of course haha I'd never get there then!). I won't be getting to the surgeon set goal and just trying to maintain. But I guess for me, its the weight that I can go back to my surgeon and say that my band has been a total success.

[Alexandra 55]

This is where I really think there's a bit of body image issues to this, I really cannot believe that at 225 a 5ft 10 woman would have sunken cheeks and jutting bones - its still a BMI of 32, heck, its still obese. To think you wont be comfortable being smaller, eek, I dont know, I just see that there must be some reason why you think that - and I think its showing an inability to recognise what healthy weight is meant to look like - its not bony and unattractive its (to use that awful word again) normal!

I really do respect your right to weigh whatever you want but I cannot in any way truly understand your reasoning on this, and that's the point I've been trying to make - I dont argue with it but I cant help thinking that thay's just well, dysfunctional. 225 is obese and I cant understand how anyone cant see that, or why they'd choose it when they have this wonderful tool that makes it possible to achieve a healthy weight.

OF COURSE it's a matter of personal body perception--and because of that it's not something that can be "reasoned" away! Just the other day I was at a function at my daughter's school, and as usual was looking over the other parents and feeling like the biggest person in the room. I happened to catch a glimpse of a tag sticking out of another mom's blouse--one of those moms who seems to have everything together, you know the type--and I was shocked to see it was an 18/20! A woman who looks perfectly normal to my eyes wears a larger top than I do, even now that I've gained 30 lbs from my post-band low. Holy cow!

225 may be "obese" but I don't think it's fair to say that anyone choosing to be satisfied at that weight is fooling themselves or selling themselves short. It's just a different point of view than yours. It really is entirely possible to see something we don't like in the mirror when we're at a "healthy" weight.

For me, also 5'10", if I weighed 165 I'd have to have plastic surgery and I absolutely do not want to go that route anytime soon. So I have no desire to lose that much weight, even if I could do it without the Herculean effort I know it would require. Anything in the 200-210 range IS a "healthy weight" for me, considering that I started this journey at 340 and I weighed 212 at age 14.

[nina874 48]

Tempers seem to run high on this thread......!

Whatever anyone says in response to a post is going to be seen as an insult. I mean come on ladies using the word obese is just the medical way of saying you are FAT!!! Like it or not skinny is often seen as a compliment whether you see it that way or not.Cant for the life of me think when calling someone fat was......

There is such a thing as too thin , and I am not refering to ANYONE here, but you only have to look at anorexia to know that.

Chickie you are gorgeous and I would sooooo stick the finger at anyone who says otherwise!

For myself I can honestly say that when I weighed 105lb after the birth of my second child you could see my spine, my hips,ribs,hollow cheeks ,collarbones etc etc, you get the picture. Even though that was within my healthy weight range, for myself it wasnt that healthy, and it sure as eggs are eggs didnt look good! I was a uk 6/8 at the time. My sisters girlfriend is a UK 6/8 and look DDG, everyone is different!

I set my target based on past experience of what size I am at certain weights, who knows how it will go, I am lucky I can carry my weight well (is that lucky?? maybe that how I got so fat!! That and the cake.....)I have very strong bone structure wide ribcage etc and will tailor may weight loss accordingly, shallow though it may be , I want to LOOK GOOD too.

NIna xx

[kathystrick 3]

Quote:

That's certainly a measure over how different we all are. At five foot 10 myself, I was banded at 240lb. At 225 I was desperately unhappy with what I saw as my enormous weight problem - I had health problems as a result of it too.

I hate to single someone out and because this IS a personal issue and everyone should be able to decide what they want to weigh for themselves. But I just cant not comment here because to me that's a very bizarre thing to say. This is where I really think there's a bit of body image issues to this, I really cannot believe that at 225 a 5ft 10 woman would have sunken cheeks and jutting bones - its still a BMI of 32, heck, its still obese. To think you wont be comfortable being smaller, eek, I dont know, I just see that there must be some reason why you think that - and I think its showing an inability to recognise what healthy weight is meant to look like - its not bony and unattractive its (to use that awful word again) normal!

I really do respect your right to weigh whatever you want but I cannot in any way truly understand your reasoning on this, and that's the point I've been trying to make - I dont argue with it but I cant help thinking that thay's just well, dysfunctional. 225 is obese and I cant understand how anyone cant see that, or why they'd choose it when they have this wonderful tool that makes it possible to achieve a healthy weight.

Please dont take offence at this, its hard to say without sounding wrong, but I am quite baffled by it.

Just because YOU were uncomfortable at 225 doesn't mean that is an unacceptable weight for someone else. Considering you started out weighing almost 100 pounds less than me, I can see where you would feel the way you did after losing only 15 pounds. But to say just because your hip and collar bones weren't showing at 225 so mine couldn't be is mighty judgemental. Do you know me? Did you see me at that weight? Have you seen me now? The answer to all those questions is NO and I really resent being called a liar by someone who doesn't even know me.

At 225, I will have lost just over 100 pounds, a pretty admirable achievement in anyones book I would think. I am fully aware that at 225 I would still be considered OBESE according to the scales, but if I am comfortable at that weight, I'm not going to struggle to reach and maintain a lower weight just because some chart says I should. If I lose any weight, I will be healthier than I am now. My decision regarding how much that will be has nothing to do with "body image issues". That has to do with what I want my life and relationship with food to be once the weight is gone (how ever much that may be) and what I want to see when I look in the mirror.

If you are happy with what you see, GOOD FOR YOU!!! Give me the same chance for achievement without passing judgement. The decision each of us makes about our goal weight is a very individual one, often accomplished through numerous, smaller goals. In my original post, I never said I want my goal to be 225. I just said I have been at that weight in my adult life and that was the smallest I could remember being. I actually said I have my goal set at 165. In reality, it will probably be somewhere between those 2 numbers and I thought that was the message I originally conveyed. Obviously, I am mistaken. I am sorry you misunderstood what I was saying.

I still take great issue with your audacity to call me a liar. Not only was that rude, it was very discouraging to someone like myself who is fairly new to the site and spends most of their time lurking. I do not post frequently and that comment from you will probably keep me from posting in the future. I feel you personally attacked me openly on the board and have discredited me with anyone who happens to read the thread. If we cannot openly share our stories and opinions here without fear of judgement or attack, then what is the point of being here??? Just because your height is the same as mine doesn't make our stories the same and just because you have achieved your weight doesn't make you everyone's authority. If you want to pass judgement, take the time to get to know the person you are judging first.

Now returning to lurkerdom...

[losingjusme 12]

i personally think goal weight is a very personal thing ...

i also have not read anywhere on the thread where anyone was being attacked.

keep in mind, however, this thread is in the Rants and Raves section so debates are quite common here.

[nina874 48]

**** I really cannot believe that at 225 a 5ft 10 woman would have sunken cheeks and jutting bones - its still a BMI of 32, heck, its still obese****

I think that is the comment that upset Kathy. I must admit if I was her it would have got my goat too. Just my opinion folks

Kathy dont be put off the rest of the site, this is 'rants and raves' you should see the sh1t slinging that was going on in the abortion debate!!!! It is never a personal attack in the truest sense honest!

Nina x

[Jachut 487]

Lets remember this is the rants and raves thread - I wouldnt ask these questions IRL or on the rest of the forum, because they are probing ones. You're here in this thread, so its fair to assume you're ready to be asked the question, just as I'm ready to be told that I'm not understanding what you're saying.

Whoever said above that saying obese is saying the same as fat - well, yes, I guess it is, but there's a difference here. Being called anorexic when your weight is patently firmly in the healthy range vs being called obese when your weight puts you IN the obese range is two different things - its being used as a clinical term, not a form of insult.

I think the key is though - that yes, I didnt start my journey at 300+lb, I started it at around 240 which for me at 5ft 10 was most definitely obese, it was causing me problems my weight was so high. So I guess no matter how much anybody explains it to me, I'm not going to get it - although I can understand different PERCEPTIONS of weight are different but I guess I just cant really help thinking that perception is skewed. I'm 5ft 10 too and at 225 I most definitely had a weight problem and I was often the biggest person around in my circles. I felt enormous. I couldnt wear anything that wasnt from a plus size store, which was a pretty bloody miserable existence for me. I was motivated enough and miserable enough to consider surgery at that weight - and I'd had plenty of comments from medical professionals over it, particularly the physio who was treating my ankle. That's why I struggle to understand, I really do. But then again, this is Australia and we're fast catching up to America in terms of obesity levels, but in general, we dont have the numbers of people suffering morbid obesity. Perhaps in my world and in my perception it really is differnt - perhaps 225 really IS fatter in Australia than it is in America?

I really want to reiterate that its not my intention to insult anyone, but being in this thread, where else could you ask these questions? Its reasonable to do so here, that's what it's for.

[SlimTarnishedDiva 1]

That's certainly a measure over how different we all are. At five foot 10 myself, I was banded at 240lb. At 225 I was desperately unhappy with what I saw as my enormous weight problem - I had health problems as a result of it too.

I hate to single someone out and because this IS a personal issue and everyone should be able to decide what they want to weigh for themselves. But I just cant not comment here because to me that's a very bizarre thing to say. This is where I really think there's a bit of body image issues to this, I really cannot believe that at 225 a 5ft 10 woman would have sunken cheeks and jutting bones - its still a BMI of 32, heck, its still obese. To think you wont be comfortable being smaller, eek, I don't know, I just see that there must be some reason why you think that - and I think its showing an inability to recognize what healthy weight is meant to look like - its not bony and unattractive its (to use that awful word again) normal!

I really do respect your right to weigh whatever you want but I cannot in any way truly understand your reasoning on this, and that's the point I've been trying to make - I dont argue with it but I cant help thinking that thay's just well, dysfunctional. 225 is obese and I cant understand how anyone cant see that, or why they'd choose it when they have this wonderful tool that makes it possible to achieve a healthy weight.

Please don't take offense at this, its hard to say without sounding wrong, but I am quite baffled by it.

Well I am a lot shorter than the both of you, and my goal weight is between 230-215( Not only did I look good at that size, I was healthy). I didn't start this journey to become slim/thin.. I started this journey to be a smaller, healthier Full Figured Chick. I love me with a lot of curves and thickness, I just need it on a smaller scale. There is nothing wrong with being a Plus Size woman if you can do it on a healthy level. I was that for a long time, until my re-injury and I became very sedentary. Self image for me is how you see yourself, how you love and like about you and what reflects back at you from the mirror. I can't do this for no one but me, if I was doing this for other people's approval then I am starting out WRONG.

[losingjusme 12]

Well I am a lot shorter than the both of you, and my goal weight is between 230-215( Not only did I look good at that size, I was healthy). I didn't start this journey to become slim/thin.. I started this journey to be a smaller, healthier Full Figured Chick. I love me with a lot of curves and thickness, I just need it on a smaller scale. There is nothing wrong with being a Plus Size woman if you can do it on a healthy level. I was that for a long time, until my re-injury and I became very sedentary. Self image for me is how you see yourself, how you love and like about you and what reflects back at you from the mirror. I can't do this for no one but me, if I was doing this for other people's approval then I am starting out WRONG.

while i agree with you not wanting anyone else's approval, i cannot imagine going through this surgery and major lifestyle change and not want to be as small as i can get and look good for me ...

at 269 i am healthy. my BP is 117/70-ish, cholesterol is perfect, no sign of diabetes and even my PCOS is mostly under control. i run 3 days a week and exercise HARD 3 more days. so not only am i healthy, i am fit. (my body fat % is less than 3% above "normal") should i quit? no way in hell am i going to stop losing right now.

[SlimTarnishedDiva 1]

while i agree with you not wanting anyone else's approval, i cannot imagine going through this surgery and major lifestyle change and not want to be as small as i can get and look good for me ...

at 269 i am healthy. my BP is 117/70-ish, cholesterol is perfect, no sign of diabetes and even my PCOS is mostly under control. i run 3 days a week and exercise HARD 3 more days. so not only am i healthy, i am fit. (my body fat % is less than 3% above "normal") should i quit? no way in hell am i going to stop losing right now.

But it is for me. That's where I want to stop. I don't want to be a small woman. I look good now as a fat chick, I'll look great as a plus size chick.. What's for you is for you. And what I like for me will be for me...

[Alexandra 55]

That's why I struggle to understand, I really do. But then again, this is Australia and we're fast catching up to America in terms of obesity levels, but in general, we dont have the numbers of people suffering morbid obesity. Perhaps in my world and in my perception it really is differnt - perhaps 225 really IS fatter in Australia than it is in America?

I really want to reiterate that its not my intention to insult anyone, but being in this thread, where else could you ask these questions? Its reasonable to do so here, that's what it's for.

You may be on to something Jacqui--differences in societal standards may indeed be a factor in how people define "normal" for themselves. But it still doesn't mean that anyone's expectation or hope or goal for themselves is a topic worthy of debate. (I'm not picking on you, I'm talking in overall terms.)

I have never understood why anyone would ASK, here or anywhere else, what someone's weight-loss goal is. That seems to me such an intrusive, personal question. Clearly I'm in the minority here, since it's a question that gets asked on LBT all the time, but most of the time I think it's in a general, let's-compare-stories type of way.

Let's remember we're just names on a screen to one another. We know nothing about one another's physiques, lives, behaviors and all the other things that go into setting our own goals. Jacqui, I can see you were speaking in general terms above. But when the conversation seems to turn personal, feelings can run high and I can totally understand that.

As far as I'm concerned, unless someone has specifically asked for advice about setting a goal, it's simply NEVER appropriate to critique anyone's personal yardstick for success.